I just watched this. By 'watched this' I of course mean I scrubbed through the youtube video moving on anytime it got boring or too embarrassing to witness. Kind of like watching a WWE TV show, and like that experience it meant the 3 hours were cut down to about an hour. However excitingly I took notes because I'm really bored. I will now post those notes to make any of you wasters who watched that vapid 3 hour advert live contemplate the other activities you could have done while it was on. I was asleep and had a dream about the film Congo.
American TV editing is fucking rubbish. you know how they have someone say something and then cut to a different angle for the reply every time making it seem like the whole thing was shot one sentence at a time. Deadliest Warrior was the first thing I saw shot this way and I fucking hated it. I also fucking hate this. Americans - learn to record people speaking to each other properly.
This Bosman skit is deeply unfunny. Surely the worst thing to happen tonight? (Future me: No.)
(Kojima bit) Geoff Keighley is a fucking tool. The company he got sacked from fucked him about. He didn't have his kids murdered by Islamist Guerillas. Stop crying about it. He probably had a wank at his house instead of demeaning himself on stage anyway.
At least Metal Gear Solid trailers had games people had previously played to inform the vague student art film toss. This is just student art film toss that makes no sense with a famous bloke in it. Bollocks Kojima you fraud.
Killer Mike is fucking brilliant. I hope he goes on a long rant about white people being cunts and Keighley has to apologise or something. Two songs is stretching it though.
"Games for Impact". The only impact here is the one that should be landing on your smug jaw Keighley. Cunts. All of them.
I don't care if he's crying over his dead kid, a fat man is reading a speech off a phone. Un-fucking-acceptable.
Peter Moore is a fucking pro. He can go onstage and demean himself in the most extraordinary ways talking to rappers, or Mourinho or some shit and look like it's the best day of his life and you should totally buy Plants vs Zombies cards for Fifa. But even he looks like someone took a shit down his back before he walked on stage here. This is sad.
I don't watch a lot of these modern youtubers and their influencing ways but...who is this fat cunt and why can't he speak properly? Is trending gamer a special award given to him because he's a fucking joey or something? At least he beat the green haired Irish cunt though. You've done a good deed today man with numbers in his name.
Law Breakers (or givers? I can't remember) trailer: "Not just another Shooter!". No it's Overwatch, a specific shooter.
Awards announced off stage at this awards show. Two bit fucking operation.
"Designing soundtracks". Geoff Keighley is professional writer. That is fucking pathetic. Does an Architect compose a bridge Keighley? Does he fuck. Wanker.
Live Doom is a really dumb idea. Best thing so far.
However...this Aussie cunts got an 8 string guitar which automatically marks him out as a massive bell end. It's not my opinion it's just maths.
"You'll be on a magazine cover for the second time this year" What is he a fucking glamour model Keighley? FHM is relaunching for the middle aged French office manager fancying market?
Bethesda PR: "Remember Prey? No one? Good."
This is literally space Bioshock. The fucking hud is nearly the same. 2K's lawyers are getting excited.
I'll play the shit out of it though. Space Bioshock is great.
VR shit. Kyle Bosman has a dry wit and unconventional natural charisma that makes him a interesting and entertaining personality. Never has a man been more misused on camera. Someone should check on him in his hotel tonight in case he has access to anything harmful, because if I were him I would seriously think about the abyss that is opening in front of me and whether it is worth continuing with life. This is a cry for help not a comedy sketch.
Best Strategy game gets tossed into the alley, but Best E-Sports player doesn't. No comment.
Winningest isn't a word Keighley. It's even underlined in red when I write it down here and this is the reply box of a second rate gaming message board for saddoes not a major live event. Once again, Geoff Keighley is a professional writer.
Some cunt crying because he won a game of Smash Brothers is fucking adorable. You're a special flower honey. Everyone is a winner. Twats. Professional Smash Brothers!! Hahahaha.
On the pre-show Snakeoil Keighley teased this Zelda thing as an 'experience' and was all coy about it. What he meant was 'Watch two socially awkward men play a game on the internet.' That is basically 50% of Youtube Geoff, you are not an innovator.
I'm sorry... I know all Americans played it when they were 6 and fucking stupid but Zelda is a massive pile of wank and anyone who likes it should be fucking sterilised in case they pass on their genes. Lower than fucking nonces. Grow up.
Brush your hair forward all you want Cerny. You're bald and we all know it. Hairline higher than a teen pop sensation's skirt.
Best Narrative: Uncharted? Fucking Keighley's barely legible fucking script for this debacle is better written than that sub-Bruckheimer shite.
Assassin's Creed trailer: Adam Arkapaw can shoot a fucking film. If the studio didn't interfere this will be great.
Of all the games needing a remake Halo Wars is low on the list. Somewhere behind Custer's Revenge and that Viz game on the Amiga.
This cunt just thanked Reddit. I hope he dies going offstage and his kids are watching and are so scarred by seeing it happen they become rent boy drug addicts and die of Aids in a fucking gutter. MASSIVE, MASSIVE FUCKING CUNT.
There was a Ratchet and Clank game this year? Really? When?
END OF SHOW says the video. This is the highlight. I hope Keighley runs into the Razor bot and get's an honour striping off the cunt. Wank.
My summary of events: This year a Fascist was elected president of America and about half the great artists in the world died on an almost weekly basis. And this is the worse thing to happen by a mile. I'll wall up Mexico and applaud Farage as he throws the last foreigner off the White Cliffs of Dover myself if they don't do this again.
My jacket potato is ready. Goodbye.