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Calashnikov

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Everything posted by Calashnikov

  1. Totally bombed not getting Celeste at 50% off in the previous sale
  2. Fuck knows eh, but here’s a soundtrack for you to try and figure it out:
  3. FFS we’ve already got BotW Link, Young Link and Toon Link
  4. Sakurai should unveil himself as a character for Fighters Pass 2. His final smash could be him unveiling another sword cunt as an upcoming fighter causing everyone to die from boredom instantly.
  5. Sadly almost all of the characters are boring shite from games I don’t give a fuck about, Banjo aside. EDIT: and even he’s pretty shite.
  6. Why are they even putting new fangled game characters in Smash? It’s supposed to be all Mr Game & Watch and retro wanking.
  7. Am I fucking glad I never bought that Fighters Pass
  8. I really liked the beat. When I saw stills from the video when it was upcoming I had visions of it being one of those big cartoony bangers that have too much going on in the beat, that he seems to have a bit of a weakness for. Relieved to hear it’s some relatively chilled flutey boom-bap head nodder instead.
  9. If it's another sword cunt I'll be gutted. Unless its the Dark Souls 1 Undead Merchant with his big fuck off dark fantasy version of a samurai sword. That'd be awesome.
  10. An undead character from Are You Being Served with a big fuck off dark fantasy version of a samurai katana. He's awesome.
  11. Capra’s a good fucking laugh really though, eh? You psyche yourself up for the ridiculousness, you roll the dice and you either cunt him first go or you get mauled into dugmeat instantly. It’s an utterly classic encounter.
  12. Pretty sure relying on the fortune teller shafted me a good many a time in this
  13. You wait all of January for a blockbusting megaton Nintendo Direct, and then the two worst possible types of Nintendo Direct show up instead
  14. Sure, you unlock access to a tricky area and the game tells you that you probably really shouldn’t be going that way, but it does that anyway with a select couple of open and accessible areas. Carrying the Master Key on my first playthrough I’d constantly be second guessing myself and attributing any access to any tough area as a consequence of having the Master Key! I just wouldn’t be able to relax into knowing I hadn’t dun goofed while choosing my starting gift. Gimme the bawhair of HP first time round anytime!
  15. As an aside, what a beautiful fucking bonfire God bless it!
  16. Actually, tbf, the Master Key doesn’t piss on the face of discovery. That’s overly dramatic. It’s playful and it’s neat and it’s a fucking cool option to have, undoubtedly. It just runs the danger of stripping the game of one of my personal favourite dopamine hits that the medium is capable of providing - you found the fucking key!
  17. Then where’s the anticipation about hopefully finding a key and being able to come back to unlock a tantalising door? There isn’t one. You come across the door first time and you open it
  18. Another thing, you know that feeling when you come across a locked door / inaccessible ledge / otherwise gated area in a game that focuses on exploration? If you’re anything like me, you become really excited and intrigued by what lies beyond that point, and you mentally commit the gate to memory, and proceed throughout the rest of the game world, building up a real sense of anticipation about going back there, if only you could find that key! You might even eventually begin to forget where it was, or that it was even there in the first place and then boom, you get the key / item / McGuffin and you instantly drop everything you’re doing and make a beeline for that mysterious area you’ve been building up in your subconscious this whole time. Surely one of the best feelings that this beloved pastime can provide! The Master Key takes that whole concept and pisses on its face
  19. Totally this. Master Key would be like eating all the sweeties at once. The gradual unlocking of the various gated areas and the sense of discovery that comes with it is one of the most enjoyable aspects of the game. With the Master Key there’d be a temptation to just run around unlocking new areas any time you get stuck, rather than persevering and really getting to know a location like the back of your hand, just one or two “levels” at a time.
  20. That guy is brilliant. He’s like an undead character from Are You Being Served.
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