NexivRed

I AM FUCKING HERE FOR THESE CHANGES. Finally worth coming back to my packed island and changing shit about. Lots to do. Excited.

I just heard. FUCKING Qatar, for fucks saaaake. Really feel like I should be boycotting it. I don’t think I can watch that race. Should boycott the whole fucking sport, the stupid cunts. Plenty of it already steps over that moral line, but this is beyond the pale. What is it? Over 600 people dead building shit? They should sort this shit out. I’d happily take a cut in races or go to other tracks more often to get the ethical trajectory going the other way. It will never be great, but it’s going in the wrong direction.

Fuck me

I guess I could copy and paste it over. It’s something I like ruminating about for sure.

I completely and totally forgot this was even meant to be a thriller or horror. The script is absolutely brilliant. I just posted a short about it in the Netflix thread before finding this one. Even though the subject is meant to be the foundation for the thrilling side, I find it, so far, (episode 3 or 4 I’m on) really thought provoking. It’s actually led me to realise that the people who should be most fascinated by faith and religion, god and Jesus, are actually atheists. Because somehow thinking about one man or one entity enables people to do actual miracles. Overcome addiction, move through grief, cope with the loss of jobs and homes and even entire communities to natural disasters. If you think about it, faith in something that the majority of us don’t believe in actually gives people access to legitimate awareness, mindfulness and strength of themselves. Something I’m pretty jealous of in all honesty. It’s like a shortcut around constructs that have walls around them for a lot of people. Trying to break through the grief of someone who has lost a child; to tell them they can feel better and find any good in it? I don’t think most people would even attempt to approach someone in such a way after such an event. But signpost and light that path with faith and belief in a religion, and it’s like people can suddenly phase through the walls and access what is in all of us but hard to reach. I find it really fascinating, and I know it’s no secret or anything. Plenty of people have faith in something that’s framed in that sort of way to begin with, like Buddhism. Or in things that have no religious bearing whatsoever. It’s like, giving it some sort of name or form is the first part towards accessing it. If you try and explain that someone, as a person, is and can be that thing, there’s a real push back against it. Powerful self doubt seems to hide it in a lot of us. But just in the same way we can give good advice to others but not always follow it ourselves, we can believe the best in something else. And inadvertently access what we’ve always had. I’ve been tempted to post a thread on religion and faith. In the last couple of years I’ve had so many thoughts about it. They revolve around the idea that I have been tempted to join in with people of faith, because I can sense how good it would feel to be surrounded by people who have faith. The words someone could tell me about god and life wouldn’t necessarily help me cope with a dire situation. But what would help would be the faith that person had in what they believed in. Because I think it shows a strength blended with peacefulness and trust. And I that’s a very useful combination to use when you’re feeling low. When we grow out of realising our parents are the be all and end all, I think we lose the security of ultimate trust. That someone will always be there, make the final decision, receive the buck so it never stops with you. It’s a good feeling. And when you lose it I think that’s when we first feel hopeless. But I think it’s beyond most of us to feel like we can put the hope and trust in ourselves. So you either put it in something else or you’re left without it. And I think that’s the point. I want to put it in myself.

Midnight Mass. The is really rather good. Really enjoying it. A very good script and really vibrant cast. It’s super the light provoking, for me at least. Anyone else watching?

I fucking love Korean film. There’s just something about it, and this doesn’t disappoint. Brilliant fun. Only one episode in so far.

Fucking hell. It really is Johnson isn’t it.

I need Jeff Goldblum saying “Release the foam” as a text tone like, yesterday.

Enjoyed the first episode. It’s actually really, really fucking hard for me to just start watching something brand new that I know nothing about. My partner just wacked it on. And I get like an instant repulsion to watch new stuff (I think because I struggle with attention span). Really kept my interest though. Enjoyed it. I’m a big Jared Harris fan though.

My partner was a bit surprised to see Michael driving in the episode we watched last night. But I said I didn’t think he had a any sort of learning disability or delay at all. I said he is how I should be. If I acted like Michael and did not waste the energy on masking, I would not burn out. I would not struggle so much. He is what I think a lot of people refer to as a “functioning” autistic. He is just himself without the pressure to be anything else. It looks like a good place to be a lot of the time.

Watching this is an absolute rollercoaster of emotion. Especially as a pretty newly diagnosed autistic person. I could write a fucking dissertation on this show I swear. It’s enrapturing to watch the human brain in some of its simplest forms almost. And the fluctuation between logic and social pressure is intense. I proper, proper felt for the cosplay girl when she asked for a break from the camera man. You could see how hard she masks and how socially relatable she is in comparison to say, Michael. So I knew she’d burnt out. And then she comes back to say she’s had a panic attack. I physically hurt for her. One thing I find really interesting is how strong Mark is at masking. Women, I think, outweigh men when it comes to that. But that’s very clearly how he is autistic. He’s very bent by the desire to be socially acceptable. In the first series you could see him literally run through his “lines”, and then freeze when he was required to be spontaneous. I think I remember he was chaperoned by his father in the first series?

They are literally always a bunch of stereotypes. How much are they forced to have the perfect selection? I was literally looking around for “the weird girl” and low and behold, a brightly coloured knitted sweater vest comes on the screen. It’s like they tick a list every series. Black, Asian, fat, old, nerd, attractive, camp. I bet there are enough that qualify best for the entire group to just be old or Middle Eastern or something. But they’re forced to do this predictable diversity that just somehow doesn’t come across as inclusive, (obviously very important.) But it’s more gimmicky than anything else to me.

Apparently the young vegan lady has already had to delete her social media because she owns a horse etc. Tbf, I was like “is she wearing wool?” But I’d never call someone out who was trying their best to do good ffs. 75% vegan is better than fuck all vegan, isn’t it. (after seeing pigs slaughtered with CO2 instead of electrocution, I’m tempted tbh..) Also, cake.

Are you talking about the new one? I like where they went with it.

I want a night out with this guy so bad. I’ve never thought Max would end up retiring. Hope it doesn’t come true, but

Fucking hilarious m8.

I was genuinely gutted for Massa. He really deserved a championship at some point. But I guess surviving that injury he has coming was enough.

Holy shit the last few laps of Brazil 2008!!! I love that I spent the entire season thinking Massa had won because his face was on the icon. Lol. I LOVE THIS SPORT.

Well, it looks like Russell and Williams really enjoyed that at least. Clever tweaking of the car by them. When’s the last time there were two brits on the podium? I’m off to watch some actual racing now. Up to China 2008. AND NO, I DON’T KNOW ANY OF THE RESULTS.

My mum shared a couple of pics with me today. Name that corner, 1978.

I thought it was going to be utter shite, but it was somewhat bearable. I did actually quite like the rooms at the end, especially Lawrence’s. But I saw him recently in an Australian design show, and he was really good there.