Jump to content

jon_cybernet

Supporters
  • Posts

    5,072
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by jon_cybernet

  1. I saw Batman Begins at the IMAX cinema near Waterloo station yesterday evening. It really was super awesome, the only critisisms that could be made are really silly nit-picky ones. I was a bit worried about Katie Holmes, but she's both ok and hardly in it. The final action sequence is good, but felt slightly out of place with what went before, but hey ho. The fights were a bit shakey cam blur tastic too, which did my heard in on a screen the hight of 5 double decker busses. Other than that that though, fucking fantastic. Caine steals every scene he's in, Bale plays a great Bruce Wayne, everyone else is just great, especially Tom Wilkinson as crime boss Falcone. Oh and Rutgar Haur doesn't have much to do, but it's always nice to see him on the big screen. Wish I hadn't seen so many clips and played through the game before I went though, I felt I spoilt too much of it for myself. Hands down my fave comic book movie ever. (and for reference, my list goes: Batman Begins>Spider-Man>SpiderMan-2>X-Men 2>Batman>Batman Returns>X-men>Superman> <----Big drop--->Hulk> The Crow >Constantine> Daredevil>Superman 2> Other Batman films> Other Superman films <----HUGE DROP---> Fantastic Four>Elecktra>Those shitty Captain America TV Movies> The fucking Flash or something> those Swamp Thing movies)
  2. I've got: 3 Disc Brazil Set Life of Brian Fear and Loating in Las Vegas Slacker Videodrome The Royal tennebaums The Beastie Boys videos collection and thier laserdisc edition of Close Encounters of the Third Kind All of which I can wholeheartedly recommend. Beautiful packaging, intelligent and exclusive extras, and usually excellent print and sound quality, with films presented in the proper aspact ratios as intended by the directors. They really are the very best when it comes to DVD's that you can be proud of owning.
  3. Nice to see UHF given the heads up, one of my fave rubbish comedies. Me and my sister used to quote it to each other all the time, it's quite charming in a ridiculous way. My fave films that are not hugely well known by the general public (but that most people here will probably already know of): La Scorta - Wicked film about an Italian Judge and his Bodyguards trying to expose the Mafia. Really tense and well shot. Head - Monkees movie made at the end of their career. Written by Jack Nicholson. Very freeform, but with a sort of moebius strip logic. It's been sampled by so many bands, it seems strangely familiar the first time you watch it. Volare Volare - A sort of Italian soft porn version of who framed Roger Rabbit. Utterly bizzare and very slapsticky. My Sassy Girl - Korean movie that's been endlessly championed by various internet forums. Definately my favourite romantic movie ever, always leaves me and whoever else watches it in a teary mess. Wonderful stuff, but hasn't crossed over yet. There was a horrible remake in the offing by the Bend It Like Beckham director. The Big Tease - Sort of rubbish but charming, but to some people it's the equivilant of Chinese Water Torture. Craig Fergusson as a hairdresser in this 'Tap (but crap) mockumentry. Chris Langham (The guy behind the camera in the underated series People Like Us) is the director in it, and he really makes it work for me. I dunno, it just makes me laugh. umm.. other stuff...
  4. I suppose it depends what you define as highly though really, doesn't it? I'd say that it'd be hard to give the game anything higher than 80% when taking the flaws into account, without people raising an eyebrow. It's not so much that the problems ruin the game, but they just make it really hard to invest in the world with any degree of seriousness. To be honest, for me, the shooting wasn't a lot of fun either, and the driving seemed pretty compromised too. Obviously I'd have to play it for a few hours to evaluate it properly, but I just feel that I'd rather invest that time in a game that's not likely to crash or break on me.
  5. The thing is, I can see why it would require plenty of thought when scoring, taking into account the things it succeeds in and the imagination, but I just can't see any possible way you could score it highly, given what an utterly broken piece of software it is. It's a bit like reviewing a record that's horribly scratched. Sure you might enjoy the bits that you can hear, but most of the time you're laughing yourself sick that a major record label has released a record that's essentially unplayable. If they could release a patch that fixed all the problems (and I suspect it would take at least 6 months of futher development, based on thinking a bit and plucking a number from the air), I'd be more than happy to play it as obviously intended. But this... It's like Frontier First Encounters all over again.
  6. Just from running about for half an hour or so, it seemed awfully broken. People (and rats!) running away from you kept getting stuck in animation loops. Driving a car at someone resulted in the car stopping dead upon contact, as if the person were made of either stone or nonsense. Further acceleration resulted in the car slowly revolving around the person. At one point, a man was chased by his floating briefcase. An old lady threw a grenade at me, while I was standing next to her. She then slowly hobbled off as it exploded, sending her flying in the air. The Mayor had the world's largest folder on his desk. It must have been at least 4 ft in every direction. All the policemen in the police station had the same head. It was most disconcerting. We drove a car into the jungle. It crashed. The game that is. I'm ASTONISHED that it's been released in this state.
  7. What happened then? Did all the HOTT trolls get together and mince off to form their own tribe where only the HOTTEST were welcome? I'm surprised they even had time to learn any class skills between the constant fashion shows, make up demos and after show cocktails. I reckon the trolls were glad to be rid of the poncy bastards.
  8. Nah, it was the Mary Poppins leap of doom.
  9. Off the top of my head: Prince Paul of Persia Altered Beastie Boys Warren G-LOC House of Painkiller Jeru the Cel Damaja Harvest Moon: Back to Naughty by Nature Eminem-1 Tank Platoon Easy E-SWAT UFO: Public Enemy Unkown
  10. My impressions of the Sith game, based on a few hours of play: INTERIOR: A FUCKING HUGE SPACESHIP Petulant Jedi ANAKIN SKYWALKER and his hairsuite life partner OBI WAN KENOBI are fighting through a star destroyer in attempt to rescue the EVIL EMPEROR. They are outnumbered by FEEBLE DROIDS. OBI WAN: Wow, these graphics sure are pretty. Look how I can chop the arms off these feeble droids! And I can fling them around using the power of my mind too! ANAKIN: Yeah, killing stuff sure is fun! ANAKIN is surrounded by FEEBLE DROIDS OBI WAN: Anakin! Look out! Use the force! ANAKIN uses THE FORCE. He does this by doing a magical flounce. It looks like a dance move from sci-fi re-make of FOOTLOOSE. FEEBLE DROIDS scatter everywhere. ANAKIN: Master, there is an XWING blocking our path! OBI WAN: Don't worry; we'll use the force! They use THE FORCE to move the huge spacecraft. They are surrounded by SLIGHTLY BIGGER ROBOTS than before. Anakin fruitlessly attempts to use THE FORCE to throw the SLIGHTLY BIGGER ROBOTS. ANAKIN: The force! It's not working! OBI WAN: Of course not my Padawan! These are slightly bigger robots! ANAKIN: But we just lifted a fucking XWING!! OBI WAN: The ways of the force are indeed mysterious. Oh no! It's those roller ball droid things! ANAKIN: AGAIN?! Those evil people really need to start coming up with some new ideas, I've been fighting these dudes since i was six! Attention evil dudes! The roller droids are not working! We figured out how to use their own weapons against them 20 years ago! ANAKIN attempts to deflect the ROLLER BALL DROIDS weapons, but instead turns 90 degrees and deflects some AIR for no reason. He gets shot, but together they manage to SMASH all of the ROLLER BALL DROIDS. OBI WAN: Why did you suddenly turn away in the middle of that fight and attempt to deflect nothingness when we were being shot at? ANAKIN: Dude, I have no idea. More DROIDS run in. OBI WAN: Anakin! Use the force! ANAKIN attempts to use the force, but tiny sparks come out of his fingers and nothing happens. ANAKIN: The force isn't working?!! OBI WAN: No, you've used up all your force power, that blue bar at the bottom of the screen. You'll have to wait for it to fill up again before you can continue to lay down the piss on these droids. ANAKIN: Since when was use of the force limited? Goddamn it. He sits down and waits for his FORCE energy to recharge. It takes FOREVER. They get to a door and sword through it to blow it open. This bit is actually pretty COOL. They burst into the chamber where the EVIL EMPEROR is handcuffed to a chair that he could BLATANTLY escape from, even if he was a tiny old man instead of the most powerful SITH LORD that ever existed. ANAKIN: Can't you just like, get out of that chair? You're not that well secured? EVIL EMPEROR: No, it's a ruse to got you on my side. Look out behind you, It's Count Dracula! COUNT DRACULA turns up. He's folding a bank cheque into his pocket. COUNT DRACULA: DIE GANDALF! PROMPTER: It's Jedi! COUNT DRACULA: Whatever! They all FIGHT. ANAKIN continues to randomly pivot in unusual directions and ends up getting stabbed in the back repeatedly by COUNT DRACULA. Running away, ANAKING attempts to rip an explosive barrel from the wall to fling at COUNT DRACULA. He flings it into his own face. ANAKIN: Man, these controls SUCK! COUNT DRACULA advances on ANAKIN and KILLS him. A menu appears with a continue option. ANAKIN: Ah well, at least I can continue exactly where I left off... He selects the continue option. INTERIOR: A FUCKING HUGE SPACESHIP Petulant Jedi ANAKIN SKYWALKER and his hairsuite life partner OBI WAN KENOBI are fighting through a star destroyer in attempt to rescue the EVIL EMPEROR. They are outnumbered by FEEBLE DROIDS. ANAKIN: WHAT THE FUCK? OBI WAN: Wow, these graphics sure are pretty. Look how I can chop the arms off these feeble droids! And I can fling them around using the power of my mind too! ANAKIN: FUCK THIS. No wonder I turned to the dark side! ANAKIN kills EVERYONE.
  11. I'm reviewing it for a mag so I have to play it, just hoping that it won't destroy the movie for me. How spoilerish is it? Can I skip cut-scenes and still remain relatively pure to plot twists etc?
  12. Nintendo must be fucking gutted that they lost out on all those Duck Hunt sales last year.
  13. Sadly, "Harold Shipman: Dr Death DS" has been pushed back to a Q3 release in Europe.
  14. Hey, anyone read any of the words in the mag? Some of them are great!
  15. A few words of calm to those on Highbury mags; DON'T PANIC. Our ailing games mag company got taken over by Future just over a year ago, and pretty much everyone kept their jobs. Some really talented people did lose their jobs, but none of them were editorial staff. Future don't buy mag companies to shut down rival mags, there's no profit margin in it. There's no reason your mags can't peacefully co-exist with current future mags, though any horribly unprofitable mags could be closed for a while, pending a relauch* It's not the end of the world, the deal isn't finalised, it's not definately happening, but it probably will. *Future speak for getting shit-canned.
  16. Just a hint of a taste at what's to come: Click For Spoiler Zombies. Trucks. *Meshes hands together* AMAZING
  17. I saw pretty much finished working code of Resi 4 being played in work today, and it looked gob smackingly amazing. You ain't seen nothing yet, it's amazing how much Capcom have managed to keep secret. Jaws will drop.
  18. My Getaway 2 experience: The opening cinematic. Starts with the ridiculously profane hard nut cop apprehending a teenager with a gun. Cop orders him to put down the gun. Teenager refuses, and turns to run. Cop shoots him in the back. Which is all nicely dramatic, or at least, it would be, if the cop weren’t standing so close to the boy that he could've just grabbed him and cuffed him instead. Anyway, it sets up the whole tortured guilty cop scenario. Part two of the cut-scene takes place en-route to a crack den bust. Two cops in the vehicle are arguing over a prostitute that they've both slept with. In this brief minute long exchange, they manage to swear more profusely than Richard Pryor did that time he set himself on fire. It's so awful that it quickly becomes just as unintentionally pant wettingly hilarious as the first game. They pull up to a council estate. It's raining. And pretty heavily too, because when the camera cuts inside the car, IT'S RAINING INSIDE THE VEHICLE. A vehicle without a sunroof, mind. The kicker is, it cuts to an out side shot of the estate, and it's SUDDENLY NOT RAINING OUTSIDE. Cut back and it's still raining inside. Admittedly, it's purely cosmetic, totally fixable, but it just poisoned me with it's sloppiness, and bear in mind I still haven’t played so much of a frame of the game at this point. So, the first mission begins. The rain's stopped, puddles everywhere. They reflect the scenery prettily enough, but on running over one, you realise that it's actually either glass or ice, for all the impact your feet make. So you run up some stairs anyway, nudge the right analogue to turn the camera to look round the corner, and fuck me sideways if you're not suddenly balls deep in a roller coaster simulator. It just wobbles all over the shop snapping back to a view angle that's useless at best. You try and shoot somebody and realise that you have all the aiming prowess of a tranquillised amateur darts player. You're colleagues collar a few people and wait with them patiently, whistling. You have to cuff them. All of them. So you sigh, cuff the first one, then drop your jaw in amazement, as your character kicks the backs of their knees out, cuffs them, then knocks them out! Even though they're handcuffed! Even if they happen to be an innocent passer-by you're just cuffing to get out of the way! You then accidentally shoot a fellow officer fatally by accident (due to the lucky strike school of aiming) and the voice over the radio say something along the lines of "That's enough Sergeant! No more chances!". As if, like, every policeman is allowed to fatally kill one fellow cop before they get in trouble! So you run out onto the roof (Where there's a helicopter with a searchlight, hanging in space, unanimated) and plug the last few guys who appear out of no-where. End of mission. The next mission was a driving mission, that was just as terrible as the driving from the first game, if not worse, and it was at this point that I decided life was WAY too short to continue playing. I did see a glimpse of a later level though, and there was a nice steam effect. All the characters look like burns victims, the animation is terrible, and it plays like an episode of the Bill directed by Freddie Star. To sum up: Cunt.
  19. I played this the other day. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Is all I can say.
  20. Maybe a bit. I loves youze crazy kids really.
  21. Yeah, God forbid we could have a different opinion to you, right?
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. Use of this website is subject to our Privacy Policy, Terms of Use, and Guidelines.