Caleb Newcastle

It's not a multiplayer Samus, it's not Dark Samus, it's a fucking Ing!

Christ.

IMO 3>X>4>2>1>5

No.

1>X>3>4>5>2.

I'm really hoping this gets a typical bbc dvd fast-track because I missed pretty much all of it.

But what I did see was cracking...

You have to play through the first two or three levels over and over till you've levelled up.

You're fucking kidding me.

I mean really, you are fucking kidding me? Right?

Jesus. I thought I was just shit or something. I was disappointed and I only paid £15 for it.

"None shall pass." Hit by *something*. Falls down what might be a hole, maybe...

Why so few GC and xb when relative to PS2? Simple: shit second hand markets for GC and XB. I've picked up a ton of great PS2 games for under a tenner over the last few months, whilst I wait for s.hand Wind Waker to drop from £30...

True dat. I can't remember the last time i bought a full price ps2 game (wait, yes I can... Castlevania)...

PS2 - 39

DC - 24

PSX - 20

XBox - 8

Mega Cd - 2

What I'd like to see is a big oak coffin with a pair of red pyjamas folded neatly on the top being dropped into a grave marked "Ken Masters."

And then I want to piss on it.

Gerry Anderson is apparently in charge of creative duties.

Which unfortunately is a lot like saying George Lucas is in charge of writing and directing a new Star Wars film.

Anderson may come up with neat concepts but his narratives, dialogue, characterisation and execution all suck donkey balls through a straw. Keep the arrogant egomaniac cock away from his own art and we might end up with something good as for the new captain scarlet...

...I'll put money on one episode featuring everyone dying and it all turning out to be a dream*

*See also Terrahawks, Stingray, Space Precinct, UFO, Captain Scarlet etc...

I got to be on the Thumb Bandits jury.

I'll be clinging onto my 15 minutes of fame forever...

And ever...

And ever...

...

Were you the sulky looking quasi goth chick?

No no no.

John-boy Walton. In Space!

Why build a robot with a light in its chest that turns red when they go evil? I don't get it. Surely it's just asking for trouble.

"Here's your problem; it's been accidentally set to 'evil'..."

If you all miss him so much, come to Glasgow. He's bloody everywhere round here...

Ironically enough Neuromancer is also a badly wrtten moron-level story.

"There is no there, there." FFS

Did you just do a google image search for "fodder"?

*Ka-ChnnK*

"HEAVY MACHINE-GUN!"

Chaos ensues.

Nobody beats Starscream!

Primarily because he runs away all the time.

"Megatron has fallen! I, Starscream am the leader now! Decepticons! Retreat!"

I still like it; at least it was better than Hulk. But then again; I do like some right shite.

INT. COURTROOM

BEN AFFLECK and USELESS PARTNER JON FAVREAU question a

RAPIST.

                        BEN AFFLECK

            Did you rape anyone recently?

                          RAPIST

            Nope.

BEN AFFLECK uses his DEVIL SENSES to know he is lying.

                        BEN AFFLECK

            You sure?

                          RAPIST

            Yep.

                        BEN AFFLECK

            Damn, foiled again! No further

            questions. You'll get yours, rapist

            scum.

The RAPIST goes free.

INT. SEEDY CLUB TYPE PLACE

BEN AFFLECK IN STUPID COSTUME shows up and sleepwalks

through a fight scene with bad guys. We're repeatedly

treated to the BLINDCAM shot, which is already overused. BEN

chases the RAPIST into a train station, where he throws him

onto the track.

              BEN AFFLECK IN STUPID COSTUME

            See that light at the end of the

            tunnel? That's not heaven - it's the

            C-Train!

                (pause)

            Jesus fuck, I'm an Oscar-winning

            screenwriter and I just actually

            said that.

                          RAPIST

            You know, maybe you wouldn't have

            to kill people at night if you were

            just a better lawyer. For example,

            if I'm lying on the witness stand,

            maybe you should try proving it

            instead of assuring me that I'll get

            what I deserve eventually.

The weapons, Stroker, the weapons... ?

I can't see the power up bar in that shot... What's the weapon set up like? Is ripple laser still ass?

I'm also with Cecil on the difficulty thing: Gradius 3 is an absolute bitch. I'd love to meet whoever thought it didn't need continues...

Don't even talk to me about those other game thingies, there's no comparison at all. VF is nigh on perfectly designed.

*6 cans in*

But those character designs are derivative rubbish... compared to... ooh Guilty Gear X.

And it does make sense. I'm just shit at it. And bitter.

If only Kerraig hadn't butchered that shot with the knife.

Too late now. Breaksmith will be here in a few minutes ripping you a new Akira shaped arsehole.

Ah well, might as well dig the hole properly then.

Akira is boring. More boring than ryu even.

At least Lion's quite obviously a cock.

"Why am I so great?"

Whoa whoa. I wasn't slating it. All I said was the most innocuous moves seemed to have priority. Which is a bit weird when you're used to last minute full screen shine knuckling through a shinku hadoken...

I'd better not get nailed for this... I have been drinking

Sounds much more like a VF than anything. You have watched the movies on the dvd aye?

Poor collision detection? No. Flying kicks and stuff being interupted by shitty wee punches? All over the fucking shop...

To be honest i HATE 2D fighters, they feel so jerky at times and dont seem to flow, unlike Soul Calibur.

Wait a minute, you are the DJ Sack, aren't you?

Anyway I'd argue that 'flow' is a problem. A person randomly hitting buttons in SFII is just going to sit in the corner throwing random punches like a moron.

In Soul Calibur 2 they'll run you down with Raphael.

Still infinite depth in simplicity and blah blah blah.

Can't play 3d for bobbins, myself. I'm ashamed I'm so bad.

Someone's a 2d fighter fan who can't play in 3d...

Completely empathise mind; they're shit aren't they? [HUGE WINKY SMILY]

*Returns to struggling with Lion in Evo*