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Official Thread: Big Brother 2007


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I'm a bit late with this as I've not had time to watch any BB this week, but this link is comedy GOLD.

Charley - I can see it all, that's what annoyes me about myself, because I've always right, and I am.

Nikki to Charley - You're not even listening to me are you?

Charley - (Not looking at her and blowing cigarette smoke) Yeah 'course I am anyway bla bla bla bla.

The whole clip is simply amazing.

Nicky is absolutely right though, they are both lunatics.

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I find all the arguing really depressing. Nicki is just a winger. Charley a psycho case and Laura started off being a really good housemate but has dropped to an annoying one.

They really do need more men in there as it is becoming one long boring bitch fest.

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I don't think Charley is a psycho. I think Satnav is a psycho (I mean, she really does have mental issues) but Charley is just a skanky idiot. She has no mental condition other than being deluded and selfish, she has no need or goal other than to satisfy her ego. Worst of all, she's unbelievably ignorant in the process yet speaks with all the conviction of someone who is "always right".

Oh, and Laura is well shit now. I originally thought she may be fun but she's just a bitter cow.

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I don't think Charley is a psycho. I think Satnav is a psycho (I mean, she really does have mental issues) but Charley is just a skanky idiot. She has no mental condition other than being deluded and selfish, she has no need or goal other than to satisfy her ego. Worst of all, she's unbelievably ignorant in the process yet speaks with all the conviction of someone who is "always right".

She's going to win. I can feel it.

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Oh, and Laura is well shit now. I originally thought she may be fun but she's just a bitter cow.

When she first entered the house, she came across a sweet, lovably chubby lass with no problems. Now she's a bitter fatty with nothing good to say about anybody attractive.

Still, she's not as horrible as Cuntley.

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Latest Grace Dent

She Got Game

(posted Thursday 14 June)

Sometimes, in the wee small hours of the night, an inner voice whispers to me, "Grace, are you perhaps a little harsh on the twins? Must you really joke about blowing them into bite-sized goujons with a surface-to-air missile? They're only children! So what if they spend nine hours a day beholding their own blank reflections in any shiny surface, with their gobs lolling open?

"So what if they think the noise 'Woooooooo!' can be used as a verb, a noun and an adjective? Maybe they're the most brilliant housemates ever. Maybe you're…wrong!"

Then quickly, I pull myself together and think, "No! I'm always right. Always."

Obviously I don't really think I'm infallible, but I've learned this self-preservation tactic from watching Charley over the past 16 days. Charley Uchea is a lesson in survival.

Charley is ALWAYS right, you see. Always. She tells people all the time. Well, to be more specific, she stands in the middle of the room and shouts: "'Ere! I'm not bein' funny, right…I'm not bein' funny, right, I'm not bein' funny, right, but can I just speak? Can I just say somefin'? I'm not bein' funny right…'ang on! Just let me say this one fing! Right? Listen! All I'm saying is…right…at the end of day, when all's said and done, yeah? I'm always right! And everyone who knows me says that I'm always right! Yeah? You get me? You know where I'm coming from? I ain't never wrong! I know everything!"

Having worn out the housemates with her incessant, unhinged self-righteousness, Charley then strops off into the garden to smoke a fag. The overall effect of the outburst is even better when Charley's wearing her wig, piano-wire swimming cossie and Ugg boots, looking like one of Ice T's girlfriends on the top half, but Bernie Clifton's ostrich from the knees down.

Charley is maddening, unreasonable, anti-social and skirting close to breaking house rules on threatening behaviour. She's driving the housemates and the viewing public quietly insane. Despite this, I think she's one of the most fascinating people to watch.

No matter what Charley has said or done so far, I always find a little bit of sympathy for her. Whenever she's created a huge argument, stoked it up from every side and is stood in the eye of the storm shouting and screaming, there's always a moment when I think, "Oh, my god. You actually think this is a normal discussion. This is happiness to you. Tears, shouting, insults and slammed doors, with you in the middle as the star turn." I find her a bit sad. Maybe I'm the only one.

What the hell will happen on 1 July when the smoking ban is enforced is anyone's guess. We've already had a taste of Charley being denied nicotine. Within seconds she was making a sound like a rabid cormorant and harvesting ashtrays for slobbery dog-ends.

The Big Brother house is a brilliant anti-smoking advert. It's like watching those people who stand by hospital doors in their dressing gowns, attached to chemo drips, sucking away on a ciggie. Or those grey-faced people at airport-terminal doorways puffing away with a fag in each mitt as they've got a whole flight to get through. This is the rough end of smoking. It's a far bigger thing than you know. You're not the one in control.

If they ban smoking on 1 July, I suggest they send in something else to placate Nicky. Like a bottle of diazepam. Or a sack of temazepam. Or a truck of Xanax. Or basically anything else that might stop her incessant moaning. One of Nicky's biggest problems is her voice. She has some half-good ideas but they're all delivered with the charisma of Iain Duncan Smith reading excerpts from a Hyundai Pony owners' manual.

I think Nicky is a bit depressed. I think she was depressed before she even got there. Moaning and negativity has become a default mode for her. She doesn't even know she's doing it.

She doesn't realise she's acting bizarrely as she perceives that everyone else feels as negative as she does. Except they don't. Look at the twins for crying out loud! Just say the words "Barbie party" to them and see them dance and squeak with dumb-ass glee.

Maybe the general rule of thumb in situations like Nicky's is that if you're at the stage where you hate the world and you hate men and you don't like your life and you generally believe that everyone in the world is bad and untrustworthy until proved otherwise, well, it's probably not everyone else that needs to change. You do.

Seany

Also beginning to show signs of cracking is Carole, who arrived all guns blazing 14 days ago shouting about militant politics, but is now shuffling about silently in a brown cardigan looking like Don Letts after a four-day party. Washing the twins' pants and folding toilet paper is about as militant as Carole gets right now. This says a lot about the state of the far-left in Britain today.

This is why we're at war with Iraq. Oh, yes, everyone meant to cause a rumpus on that Stop the War march. But somewhere along the line it turned into peacefully shuffling along in a cardigan for a mile or so, then wandering off to drink pear cider and watch Talvin Singh play the Beats not Bombs stage.

And here's Carole in Big Brother. She's quietly starting a political revolution. But one gusset at a time from behind a box of Dreft, stopping occasionally to do some bog-roll origami.

And then there's Tracey. Tracey, who's 'aving it all night long, blazing it up in the stack, mad for it. Or at least until 1am when she likes to go to bed and take umbrage at people being noisy.

Is Tracey really a raver at all? Those illegal parties go on much later than 1am. In fact, 1am is usually the start time for someone in a jester's hat to begin blaring Eat Static remixes for 14-and-a-half hours, while a thousand people in tie-dye vests do running on the spot on ketamine.

I can't see Tracey there myself. She's not really into chaos. Tracey is supposed to be a free spirit. Except she isn't free at all. She just recites a stock amount of dated ravy/crusty phrases and hopes they'll form an inpenetrable shield around her so no-one really questions who she is.

She's an uptight, slightly aggressive hippy. She's meant to be about peace and love and raving, but her mantra is she doesn't give a damn about your problems so "deal with it".

I do like Tracey, even if I do stab myself in the head with a fork every time she goes into Ebeneezer Good rave-chatter mode. I think Gerry was right on the money this week with his reasons for nominating Tracey for "making a conscious decision to use a limited vocabulary of phrases that do not constitute a conversation".

I'd like Gerry a lot more if he got rid of the stupid slug-balancing-act moustache. Why do otherwise attractive men in their 20s these days think, I know, I'll grow a moustache like an unsettling 70s gym teacher?! (Yes, I mean you, Brandon Flowers.) Honestly, Gerry, drop the muzzie, have some self-worth, then you won't have to bunk up with Seany, that vile, squashed, Mickey-Rooney-in-a-satanic-hall-of-mirrors goblin any longer.

I still don't like Seany. I am trying to be nice but I can't. Seany thinks he's always right too. But I don't agree. I have trouble accepting authority from anyone who is dressed like they should be doing cartwheels on the front section of a Snow White parade at EuroDisney. Oh, dear. There I go again.

Are you always right too? Send your opinions to grace.dent@bbc.co.uk. Note that comments may be published…

Grace Dent

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I switch on again and...suprise! Food panic!!!!

Laura's getting all fucked off.

Loving the twins though - "I think we're the most intelligent people in the house!"

Oh hang on...they might be right.

EDIT: I'd never hit a lady, but by christ Charly is a fucking idiot. And now she's crying...

God, BB got to me...

ARGH.

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Charley just went on a rant and claimed everyone had chips on their shoulders. Can you hear that? It's the sound of the world's largest stone bringing down a gargantuan house of glass.

I have to say, she really does make fascinating TV though - I've never seen someone so completely self absorbed and so absolutely sure that she's right and she's so the dog's dangly bits.

Incredible stuff.

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Can they please make Alexa the permanent presenter of Big Mouth. Pretty please...... -_-:unsure::D

I wrote something similar in an email to Channel 4, except replace the words, "the permanent presenter of Big Mouth" with "come round my house and suck me off".

They haven't got back to me yet. :o

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Rather disconcerting watching Charley fiddling with her boobs whilst she had a row with Satnav. Charley is so ferral and bitter I wouldn't be surprised if her spit was acidic.

As for Laura, hmmm, I agree with everyone who thought she was a nice chubby girl when she went in, but I wouldn't say she was bitter, okay, only on occasion. She does sod-all at the moment. You know when a housemate isn't giving any entertainment value when you watch a highlights show and think "hmm, where's so-and-so?".

That water fight reminded me of an incident at uni with a load of 19 year-old 'kids' throwing tons of water at oneanother, that is until it got into the electrics... I couldn't help but think "run, piggy, run!" seeing that Irish chap stumbling about in his novelty t-shirt.

And Nikki, SHUT UP ABOUT FOOD! I dunno, no-one likes a martyr.

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I have to say, she really does make fascinating TV though - I've never seen someone so completely self absorbed and so absolutely sure that she's right and she's so the dog's dangly bits.

Incredible stuff.

It's just gonna be pure unadulturated ecstasy when she gets napalmed with Boo's from the crowd. :(

I can't wait. I might even bring myself to the point of orgasm just when she gets evicted.

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I do like Tracey, even if I do stab myself in the head with a fork every time she goes into Ebeneezer Good rave-chatter mode

:( :( :wub:

Yes! Ebeneezer Good! That's it!

Why does nobody in the house laugh their head off when Charley's in their face accusing them of being aggressive, rude and having a chip on their shoulder, and actually tell her that she's all that stuff herself?

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