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Bad Meals


Stilly
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Having just got back from Turkey on my hols, I can thoroughly recommend swordfish, and thoroughly advise avoiding anything with tomatoes in it that comes cooked in an unglazed ceramic pot. While there's nothing bad per se about the food, cooking raw, fresh tomatoes in unglazed ceramic makes the mega-acidic fruit drag all the iron and other metal out of the ceramic, giving you what I can only describe as horrible food poisoning.

It was like I was spewing everything up, undigested, out my arse. Never again.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I once had some "chicken" from a chinese.

Now my food standards are usually low, but after taking a few bites and then nearly spewing from how bad it smelt, I couldn't eat it.

I weren't suprised when I found out which chinese it came from, the one you could see into from the top of the school bus. The restaurant that regulary got the piss taken out of it on said bus, because of the appaling conditions it was in. They are lucky they have not been closed down.

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  • 3 weeks later...

A sausage bap that some European couple were selling from a barbecue setup in the back of their car in a car-park at the back of a beer garden. I'd had a lot to drink and the smell wafting over convinced me I had to have one but I started to regret it pretty quickly. I dunno what was in the 'sausage' but it didn't taste like any I'd ever eaten before and I've been served some pretty manky sausage baps in the past.

As soon as I'd eaten it all I felt like pukeing and the feeling lasted not just for the rest of the night, but the next day as well. I wanted to throw up so I could get it over with. I've never touched any food sold from mobile takeaways since.

The other worst meal involved baked potatoes with melted cheese on top. Felt sick after and even if someone else is eating melted cheese on potatoes, it makes me feel sick.

Also: any meal my Dad's cooked, ever.

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Very entertaining thread <_<

I've not suffered bad food in a food poisoning way, thankfully, and I was hard pressed to think of a bad meal I'd had (mainly because I subsist almost entirely on sandwiches). I do recall a particularly crap 'school meal' from secondary school though. It was some kind of special social night - my memory is fuzzy on the details, but basically a whole load of us had paid to have a night out at school. This was to consist of a meal and disco, albeit with any potential 'socializing' being curtailed by the heavy teacher presence, most probably.

Anyway, time came for us to sit down for the upcoming feast... and the teachers started making their way among the tables with trolleys loaded with the output of the local chip shop. Yes, they had simply gone and bulk-ordered fish, chicken and chips. It wasn't bad food, but I remember being so disappointed and pissed off that they had been so half-arsed and cheap about the whole thing.

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Fantastic topic btw, read it through amazingly. I'll contribute in some form of renumeration but I warn that my tales aren't anywhere near as AMAZING <_<

I don't think I've ever had a throughly 'awful' meal but a few have stuck with me.

In Spain, where my Dad lived for a few years and would turn into someone everyone presumed was from Madrid when we went back there on holiday, we had a random meal in some random town we, thanks to my Dad, got dragged to.

My sister probably had chicken and chips. My Ma a T Bone steak. I had my usual burger and chips. My Dad plops for some rabbit. As a 12 or so year old this was phenomenal to witness cooked. However it also irked me even more when I saw that the inside of my intresting looking burger was the same colour as my tounge. I barely touched it, was ridiculed as it was apparently fantastic, but a decade later I have an amazing phobia of undercooked and out of date food ever since- thanks to something which was probably delicous to eat.

Pub food wise! There's a place we frequent on hungover Sundays for a 'Super Sunday' football extravaganza. I would always stick to the save chips-cheese-bacon hangover sponge doused in copious sachets of HEINZ (not counterfeit) ketchip, but after a particularly light night we went I plunged for a two meals for 'cheap' dealio and braved some lasagne. 'Traditional Italian lasagne with TWO, TWO! pieces of garlic bread'. Dreadful. There was more 'meat' in the fluff between my toes, the cheese had both barely melted and was amazingly far from the quality I usually sooked up with my chips and the bread was actually two tears off a garlic baguette(!). It has however become something of a low point which I can reference every microwaved/TRADITIONAL ITALIAN pub lasagne from.

In regards to my Dad's cooking- he, like many, is amazingly enthusiastic about EATING but would rarely make an imput into the cooking. When he did I would actually be impressed by his efforts and results, usually something my mum didn't like to eat nevermind cook (curry) which he would then freeze for drunken consumption over the month ahead. I feel I've gotten off lightly on that one.

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  • 2 months later...

By far and away the worst food I've ever had the misfortune to eat was my brother's woeful attempts at making garlic bread. Sounds easy enough to make but word's can't describe the awful taste. It basically consisted of whatever butter-type substance was found in the fridge (usually Utterly Butterly in this particuar time-period) combined with garlic that had been "mashed" before being slung on top of bread. I say mashed but the extra crunch as you bit into semi-smushed, uncooked garlic was a particular experience I'd not be in a hurry to inflict on anyone else.

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The one my dad cooked me when I was five and I ate it and then found out that, yes, fish fingers do actually contain fish (it may seem obvious, but they don't look anything like the original animal). I've never forgiven him for feeding them to [vegetarian] me for several months previous to that without telling me what was in them.

I've never had any really bad food, my mum cooks well, my dad acceptably, though unadventurously, and school was OK too. Maybe I've just been lucky with restaurants.

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The day before yesterday we were in the Trafford Centre and went for a nice chicken burger at Dexter's Bar & Grill as we'd eaten there before and had enjoyed it. Because we were in poor lighting plus talking a lot we failed to notice that the chicken was pink and bloody in the middle until right at the end of the meal. Thankfully, no explosive diarrhoea....yet.

I have a similar "chicken the Trafford Centre" story, only in Exchange Bar And Grill. Long story short: ordered chicken wings, first one I tried was hot on the outside, frozen on the inside, sent them back, next lot were the same. Refused to eat anything. Refused to pay. Left.

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I think the fish butty I had a couple of months back must be right down there with the worst. We got back to Leeds from Manchester about 1.30am and spotted that the fish and chip place just near the station was still open so we all got one; there was only me who made it past a few bites, finishing the thing through sheer bloody-mindedness. I think the fish must have been there about three days, it was somehow simultaneously dry as a bone and horribly greasy. My mouth felt like I'd just had a smoothie made from carpet, twenty ashtrays, Ann Widdecombe and the Sahara desert.

Recommended!

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  • 5 months later...
I tried once putting sausage meat, cheese, and mashed potato in a blender then baking it. I didnt even consider eating it once it taken it out the oven.

That actually sounds alright!

I've never really had a bad meal experience from what I can remember. Luckily my dad is a pretty good cook, probably better than my mum, who is alright too. And i'm a pretty good cook too. Bully for me! But really there is no excuse for this dopey dads to not be able to cook. Unless you have severe learning difficulties then you're just being lazy. Making decent food is really easy as long as you have a small amount of common sense.

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My grandma feeds us 'pizza' every Thursday, which consists of tesco value white rolls covered in tomato puree and tesco value cheddar, grilled for a bit.

She came to ours to eat recently. My Italian girlfriend cooked homebaked pizza from scratch, making the dough and sauce herself using ingredients from a twatty posh import shop, and getting the veg delivered from a local farm. It was absolutely delicious, my grandma simply commented 'of course, the thing about pizza is that anyone can make it'.

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My grandma feeds us 'pizza' every Thursday, which consists of tesco value white rolls covered in tomato puree and tesco value cheddar, grilled for a bit.

She came to ours to eat recently. My Italian girlfriend cooked homebaked pizza from scratch, making the dough and sauce herself using ingredients from a twatty posh import shop, and getting the veg delivered from a local farm. It was absolutely delicious, my grandma simply commented 'of course, the thing about pizza is that anyone can make it'.

Hah, good story.

Grans, eh? What are they like.

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Haha greats stories guys. I'm blessed with a Mum, a Sister and a Nan who can all cook outstanding meals, when I need to pop home. My Dad can also heat up a pie when necessary and actually does a pretty mean Chilli. My Dad's side of the family is pretty shocking - my Nan on that side used to be a pretty good cook, but in the last couple of years she has started doing everything (and I mean everything) in her microwave for some reason. She even tried to do a Beef Wellington in the thing, and succeeded in immolating the pastry and leaving the beef as hard as a brick. We all saw the funny side though.

I was in Tokyo 2 years ago. We were on a fairly strict budget and had mostly been subsisting on ramen, but we were tempted into this kind of Japanese take on a steakhouse, more out of curiosity than anything else. The steak that came up was served on a bed of noodles with rice covered in incredibly thick and rich cheese. Very strange given that it was supposed to be some kind of authentic American steak place. It was edible though.

Generally I have a fairly cast-iron stomach, which I think dates back to an incident at school when I was about six. I don't remember the food, but I spewed 13 consecutive times until it was just bile and fungus smelling water. I am though pretty cautious when it comes to eating out on mid-price food in this country (all we can generally afford), particularly pubs and chain places like Pizza Express. I never, ever order anything with shellfish in under any cirumstances. I never order stuff that is incongruous - like curries or Thai food in a pub - particularly if they have a ridiculously extensive meal. I avoid ordering anything that I am unfamiliar with and generally stick to stuff that I have either eaten when I've been before or stuff that I am certain will be very difficult to botch. And if abroad I never go in restaurants (with the exception of the above) which offer food from a culture from outside that particular country, unless that country has a reputation for a certain kind of diaspora cuisine. Slightly depressing and conservative I know but in this country particularly it is the only way to avoid getting burnt. The fancy dan stuff gets done at home or when I am in a particularly nice restaurant.

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Probably the worst food I've eaten was cooked and served up by the mother of an ex. To start with her kitchen was minging filthy, so I used to avoid eating there as much as possible, but couldn't really get out of it completely at Christmas time unfortunately. Christmas dinner would consist of a nasty cheap frozen turkey that was way overcooked, served up with ready done Yorkshire puds, ready done roast potatoes, ready done parsnips, an assortment of frozen veg and lumpy instant gravy.

On the table for people to help themselves to go with said turkey would be jars of ready made apple sauce, horseradish sauce, cranberry sauce and ketchup, generally people there had some of each to accompany the meal. There would also be a bowl of frozen peas on the table (yes literally frozen straight out of the freezer still in a lump) and of course you'd have included in your meal as an added extra enough dog hair to make you hack up a furball.

Grim <_<

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Haha greats stories guys. I'm blessed with a Mum, a Sister and a Nan who can all cook outstanding meals, when I need to pop home. My Dad can also heat up a pie when necessary and actually does a pretty mean Chilli. My Dad's side of the family is pretty shocking - my Nan on that side used to be a pretty good cook, but in the last couple of years she has started doing everything (and I mean everything) in her microwave for some reason. She even tried to do a Beef Wellington in the thing, and succeeded in immolating the pastry and leaving the beef as hard as a brick. We all saw the funny side though.

I was in Tokyo 2 years ago. We were on a fairly strict budget and had mostly been subsisting on ramen, but we were tempted into this kind of Japanese take on a steakhouse, more out of curiosity than anything else. The steak that came up was served on a bed of noodles with rice covered in incredibly thick and rich cheese. Very strange given that it was supposed to be some kind of authentic American steak place. It was edible though.

Generally I have a fairly cast-iron stomach, which I think dates back to an incident at school when I was about six. I don't remember the food, but I spewed 13 consecutive times until it was just bile and fungus smelling water. I am though pretty cautious when it comes to eating out on mid-price food in this country (all we can generally afford), particularly pubs and chain places like Pizza Express. I never, ever order anything with shellfish in under any cirumstances. I never order stuff that is incongruous - like curries or Thai food in a pub - particularly if they have a ridiculously extensive meal. I avoid ordering anything that I am unfamiliar with and generally stick to stuff that I have either eaten when I've been before or stuff that I am certain will be very difficult to botch. And if abroad I never go in restaurants (with the exception of the above) which offer food from a culture from outside that particular country, unless that country has a reputation for a certain kind of diaspora cuisine. Slightly depressing and conservative I know but in this country particularly it is the only way to avoid getting burnt. The fancy dan stuff gets done at home or when I am in a particularly nice restaurant.

Blimey, but your missing the point completely, even if you ordered something different every time you are still just as likely to have a good/bad experience. The stories on here are mainly or basic things going very wrong ! dont be such a wuss get something new every time you go out!

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I got munchies a couple of years back at notting hill carnival, ate some jerk chicked that was for sale wrapped in foil. It tasted nice at the time but later on that night I was sick and the next day was on the toilet for hours <_<

In Portugal years ago as a child the family went on a jeep safari somewhere random and came across a restaurant, I ordered squid and literally couldn't eat it, was so chewy it was like drying to eat an inner tube.

I also can't stand cheap pizza takeaways anymore, they just taste rank, also doner kebabs, can't eat them even when drunk.

My mum can't cook at all, everything she makes is a disgrace. I used to dread dinner when she made it as I wasn't allowed to leave the table till I ate it all.

Edit: I've never had food poising so bad that I've got seriously ill though, unlike these people today http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/2188895/...lian-hotel.html

British man dead and 30 ill as food poisoning hits Italian hotel
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My wife is absolutely clueless at cooking and I do it all in our house. I remember the last thing she made - a cottage pie. No-one can get that wrong, can they?

She could.

There was enough salt in there to kill every slug and snail on this planet. But because she'd tried I did my best to keep eating (washed down with LOTS of squash). I managed half and could feel internal organs shutting down with the sodium overdose. Now either she was doing the same or actually thought it tasted nice as she ate nearly all of hers. I tasted a bit of hers when I took the plates out into the kitchen just to see if she'd spiked mine with loads of salt for a joke. She hadn't.

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I remember going on a French Exchange in school and living with a family who laughed at my vegetarianism and would serve me massive bowls of broccoli covered in butter and oil for my dinner. It didn't taste particularly bad.....but I'd have to watch them eating their roast whatever with loads of yummy veggies and stuff. Not entirely sure why they couldn't just have given me a plate of the vegetables they were having; there was quite a nice variety all roasted....but they seemed to think I needed a completely different (and boring) meal.

Many years ago, on tour with a band in France. The festival we were doing had put us up in a small hotel, where we were to be fed. At the time, I was vegetarian. Everybody else got a bowl of spaghetti with a fresh meat ragu. I got a bowl of spaghetti with a raw egg, in the half-shell, sitting in the middle.

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Away back I stayed with a friend & his Mum for about 8 months; Came home hammered one night and decided I'd make some noodles - being pished I fancied them spicy so raked the cupboards and found a bottle of Tabasco sauce.

Liberal quantities were added to the noodles and the lot was scoffed in no time and off to bed. Next day in work all was fine until about 2 hours in when I got a sudden urge to hit the pan. I didn't leave the pan for about an hour, explained to the boss something was awry and then had to make my way home via a 20 minute bus ride.

That bus ride and the next 2 days were truly horrible with every toilet visit (there were many) an excruciating experience. A later inspection of the cupboard revealed that the tabasco sauce was about 8 years past it's "best before" date further backed up by a tub of cinnamon next to it bought from "Fine Fare" (which I think is what somerfield was called in the '80s). I'm pretty sure tabasco must have a long shelflife on it meaning the stuff I consumed was probably manufactured about 15 years previous.

I got Resident Evil 2 done & dusted though - every cloud and all that ;)

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  • 1 year later...

I thought this might be worthy of a bump: Last week the wife & I were at the Trafford Centre and had our usual pointlessly snappy discussion about where and what to eat while we got more and more hungry. 'You're always awkward' 'You never like what I suggest' 'I wish you'd decide for once' 'I don't like the look of that place' etc.

Anyway, we decided on Potters Bar & Kitchen because the menu looked quite interesting. We failed to notice it was mainly empty and those that were eating looked miserable.

I decided to order the lasagne, Mrs S went for the caesar salad because we thought we couldn't go wrong with the basic menu; the lasagne arrived burnt on the outside, cool in the middle - it'd obviously been microwaved from frozen. It also had nothing on the side - no salad, no veg, not even a piece of garlic bread. It was *just* a badly cooked small lasagne. The caesar salad was also small, had a tiny piece of chicken on top and the lettuce mainly consisted of stalks and had very little actual leaf. Plus there were about 3 or 4 small shavings of parmesan.

In addition, the staff seemed disorganised and pissed off. We were asked virtually every minute if we were ready to order, and during our brief visit while the 'food' was in front of us we were again asked several times if the meals were ok. We buggered off to Harry Ramsdens in the end.

Would not go again, 1/10 (1 because the drinks were ice cold and in big chunky glasses)

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