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cap5000ne_adam week : ch4's 100 greatest games


Capwn
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Remember, this was done ages ago so it may seem a bit dated :lol:

Lets just get on with it! 50 to 1 greatest games ever!

At 50 it is…Pokemon!

Ant and Dec singing the theme tune

Kate Thornton “Pika! Pika!”

Jack Dee “What a horrible horrible excuse for children’s entertainment. Bring back Sooty. At least the makers of that show weren’t on A class drugs.”

Vernon Kay “I had this hidden guilty pleasure of collecting Pokemon. Especially the cards. I remember going crazy at someone who accidently spilt iron bru all over a limited edition card. Then I started to meet girls…”

Dec “ I think it was more about trying to be as cool as the Japanese. I mean we never REALLY played it did we?”

Ant “Nah. Was rubbish wasn’t it. It was just top trumps with monsters instead of erm, trucks. To be fair though pokemon are more interesting than trucks though wasn’t it?”

At 49 it is…Portal!

Richard Blackwood “Insane! Everyone was like ‘Yeah FPS games, walk, shoot, walk, shoot – great fun, no need to change anything!’ Luckily these guys dared to change that! For the first time we had puzzles in a FPS. Something which had never been done before.”

Phil Jupitus “mmmm cake!”

Chris Moyles “Wouldn’t it be incredible if we had real portal guns in real life eh? Blue one in my bedroom and red one in the local pub. Perfect!”

At 48 it is Katamari!!

Harry Hill “Calamari you say? Calamari? Ok ok I’ll put a black hat on this calamari, he is the empire of the evil calamari. This calamari with the blonde wig and cape is the brave warrior trying to bring down the evil calamari empire. Yes yes I love to play with calamari! Hours of fun!”

Jamie Oliver “It was really odd. You had to roll a ball into things which would then stick to it. Why? They just stuck on some excuse about it turning into a star or something. I think that is why it wasn’t too popular over here? It's just weird.”

Alan Carr “I was really looking forward to the sequel. I was hoping for a game mode where you could play with two balls at the same time. Just one is freaky not for me no no no. Come back when you got two you freak!”

At 47 it is…James Pond/Robocod!

Johnny Vaughn “It was INSANE! You can just imagine the guy with the idea jumping up and down in a meeting. ‘Great idea guys! right you know that Super Mario! Well we have this fish right but listen to this! James POND! Then someone else pipped in with 'Oh my god the sequel could be robo COD!'. They never came up with a 3rd one though'."

Nick Frost “Where else could it of gone though really? Frogginator?… Codfather?, Fish of the North Star? Tadpole of the bailey?”

At 46 its Shadow of the colossous!

Richard blackwood "When I came face to face with the first colossous I literally WET myself. My jaw was touching the floor. I seriously had to get up and have a walk before I could even attempt to bring it down"

Phil Jupitus "It should of failed. In theory the idea was terrible. Find, kill, find, kill, find, kill. It sounded like a last generation game yet the gameplay and indeed the graphics were truely 'next gen after the next gen'."

Alan Carr "I love a game where you have to beat huge beasts!"

Richard Blackwood "I remember, I finally came back after a long walk and attempted to fight this huge creature. I was cursing at it, shaking my fists and screaming 'DIE DIE DIE!!" and just going crazy. But when I finally killed it I just got up. Went upstairs and ran a bath and I just cried. I cried in my bath for nearly 2 hours."

Kate Thornton "I love the bits with the horse! It moved like a real horse!"

At 40 its...Track and Field!

Iain Lee "Track and field. So glad I played that game like crazy, boy did those joystick waggling skills come in handy later on..."

Jimmy Carr"My father came in one late night to see me swaying my joystick to Track and field. He walked out crying......my father had no hands you see."

At 45 it is…Skate!

Richard Blackwood. “The success story of the year! It was a bit like when James Blunt came on the scene and everyone was like ‘Who is this guy? He won’t be as great as Robbie Williams! But then Blunt did something amazing and suddenly he was the NEW Robbie Williams. Skate is the NEW Tony Hawks.”

Russel Brand “Do you know what I’d like yeah? Do you? I’d like to have that nice tutor guy be by my side for all eternity! He’d be like “Yes Russel, the way you posted that letter was just AWSOME!!’, ‘Hey Russel the way you carried that shopping home was sick yo!’ and ‘Hey Russel, that’s some impressive whacking off there well done!!’

At 44 it is…Animal Crossing!

Judy Finnegan “Everyone says its really cute but have you seen their noses? They are like skeleton noses. It’s creepy!”

Paul Thompson “You can send mail to each other!! Hold on, isn’t that just...email?”

Chris Moyles “A bit like Tamagotchi and we all know how long THAT lasted. Don’t get me wrong it was quite cool at the time but then we all saw the previews of home on the PlayStation 3. Animal what?”

At 43 it is…Cooking Mama!

Angela Griffin “Why did it take this long for a cooking game? It makes so much sense? Right?”

Vanessa Feltz “Why is it that my little boy hates to peel potatoes and whisk cream in real life but doing it in this virtual computer game is absolutely no problem to him!?”

Noel Fielding “Oh yeah its great is cooking mama! Whisking eggs! Fantastic! I take it with me everywhere, I always have urges to whisk eggs yeah! Now I can do it on the mooove! Doin the eeeegg grrooooove yeah?”

Vernon Kay “I got it for Tess and she actually didn’t like it at all. Then I had a go on my own and havn’t stopped since. I’m quite good. Much better at virtual cooking as opposed to real cooking! If you burn the Yorkshire puds in real life then for me it really IS game over!”

At 42 it is…Under the Knife!

Richard Blackwood “It’s a clever game but I don’t think real hospital staff would gain anything from playing this game. It could be good for really young children interested in becoming nurses but I wouldn’t want our nurses playing this to pass exams for example.”

Chris Moyles “Never mind saving the patients. After reading that never ending text blubbering on and on about bollocks I just wanted to cause damage to my OWN body!!.”

Noel Fielding “They should of combined this with cooking mama. You should do surgery on sausages that have fallen apart. Stitch them back up with those red liquish shoelaces!”

At 41 it is…Sonic!

Paul Ross “Why did they make him blue? It served no purpose at all did it? Sorry but I can quite safely say I have never seen a hedgehog that is blue!”

Ant “There was a time when Sonic was more popular than Mario!”

Dec “He still is. Come on, a blue speeding hedgehog or a fat little plumber?”

Ant “No, I’m not getting into this argument AGAIN!”

Dec “FINE! Only because youcan’t admit it!!” (Ant and Dec walk away from each other in a huff)

Alan Carr “I don’t know, I’m quite fond of Sonic really. I identified with him you know. All he really cared about was looking for golden rings. I can identify with Sonic, I really can.”

At 34 its...Starfox!

Ant "Wibble wibble wibble-wibble" and Dec "wabba wab wab wabba wabba!!"

Jayne Middlemiss "Those little animal characters were so cute! I just wanted to pull em out their spaceships and hug em. That's why I was really really rubbish at it!"

Jamie Oliver "I just found it really hard to get into. I mean how can you get into it when you see animals flying spaceships? Its not even slightly possible for a fox to control an aircraft is it? They should of made them human. That way we could relate to them. Stupid."

Paul Ross "It was one of the first true 3D games (Holds out hand), do you see this hand? (moves hand toward camera) see how it gets bigger as it gets closer to the camera? Well Starfox was the first game to have objects doing this. If it wasn't for Starfox there would be no Playstation."

Iain Lee "The name change we brits got? We were robbed. While the americans and japanese were playing Starfox we had to put up with StarWing. The entire world was laughing at us. I refused to call it StarWing. They may as well called it Starwilly!"

At 32 its...Tombraider!

Victoria from BB6 "I remember when it came out, my boyfriend was locked away and ignored me for weeks. Then when I finally saw the game/breasts... I thought 'Ah..THATS why!'

Jimmy Carr "Lara croft IS better than any human lady in the world. That's a fact. I should know...I'm married to her."

At 28 its...Brain Training!

Germaine Greer "When someone told me about this computer game in which to succeed you must do calculations I had this vision of '5 dead corpses + 8 assault rifles = 23 hookers'"

Paul Ross "Don't get me wrong, GREAT game but that Mr Kasawaki or whatever his name his...now he was just a SMUG git wasn't he?"

Zoe Ball "I turned it on only a few days ago actually and the teacher guy was furious with me since I had not been playing it for a few weeks. He made me feel so guilty. I'm on it every day now!"

Jo Brand "Stroke of genius! Forcing Maths on children by disguising it as a videogame, and its worked too hasn't it? Just incase Nintendo are listening may I suggest 'Dr Kawashima's tidy your room' or 'Dr Kawashima's get a job' and especially 'Dr Kawashima's don't have unprotected sex'...?"

At 25 its...World of Warcraft!

Derren Brown "You can do anything, you can be anything and you can do it whenever you want."

Jimmy Carr "By day I write scripts and present shows but by night I venture off into large open fields to find dwarfs that I can mentally confuse by jumping over them repeatably. .....What sorry?, what's this World of Warcraft you ask of?"

Vernon Kay "I once became seriously addicted to World of WarCraft! Dangerous stuff! Once I played it every night for nearly a week! Then one night my wife Tess Daley comes in with a RATHER skimpy outfit if I may say so! and tells me she has a better game to play. What could I do??!...Never played World of Warcraft again!...I much prefer, World of Women!"

At No21 its Wipeout!!

Richard Blackwood "Before wipeout videogames sounded like well...videogames. Beep beep boop! beep beep boop! But then Wipeout came out from nowhere and finally the age of real music in games had come. Once that came out EVERY game started doing it didn't they? Fifa, Grand Turismo. But it was Wipeout that started it."

Derren Brown "My son loved wipeout. I just don't know how he could stare at that screen with the speed of that game. It was enough to give people nosebleeds."

Richard Bacon "This is what Formula racing should be turned into shouldn't it? I DEMAND that Formula 1 start building tracks in the skies and increase the speed x 10, make it just like Wipeout. Imagine that, only THEN would Forumla 1 really be exciting."

At 18 its...Final Fantasy series!

Joe Pasquale "50 HP remaining!!!, I cast spell of black zulu darkness of doom on you!! MP down to 22. 35 HP taken off enemy! I summon GONDOOOOOR the fire god on you, TAKE THAT!!!"

Richard Bacon "The final fantasy series is known as a RPG. Now for people who don't know videogame genre terminologies RPG stands for...Really Pants Game."

Noel Gallagher "I hate to say it but I fucking love Final Fantasy games! Its just a break from the real life which to be honest is a bit shit really isn't it? Yeah role playing games were nerdy but then Final Fantasy 7 came out on the Playstation and thats when rpg's started to become a bit good like."

Ian Wright "I always ALWAYS remember waiting for the day when a game that could make me cry would came along. That day came when I played Final Fantasy 7. I couldn't eat anything for days. I just felt sick. I would have these random outbursts of running to the nearest wall and headbutting it. At the time I was too embarrased to tell my wife and child that I was headbutting the wall because of the death of a videogame character so I would just tell them I was working on my headers."

At number 16 its Super Mario brothers!

Sarah cawood “Do you want to know my theory? I think Mario and Luigi were actually lovers!. I mean come on...the dungerees?, the moustaches? I reckon princess peach caught them at it one day and THAT is why the Mario brothers are always so inclined to save her time after time. So they can make sure she doesn’t reveal their dirty secret to the world!

Jamie Oliver “Du du du..dudu du du…I’m always whistling that tune, it really gets on Jules nerves! (laughs)”

Richard Blackwood “Super Mario brothers is a game secretly aimed at stoners isn’t it I mean come on!!. Smiley clouds! Mushrooms EVERYWHERE! Super Mario Brothers? More liked Super Mashed Brothers!”

Sarah Cawood “I would do anything for Yoshi as a pet (does the tounge motion) ‘Aaahoooo! Aaahooo!’

At 15 is...Tetris!!

Jamie Oliver humming the tetris tune "du dudu du duuu du dududu..."

Sharon Osbourne "Oh my god!! That game has taken away so much of my life! Stop talking about it!, I want to play it now!! NOW!!"

Carol Vorderman on behalf of Richard whitley "Richard use to always play tetris inbetween takes. The camera men would tell him 'stop playing that bloody game' but Richard just couldn't put it down. I once beat him at it and he wouldn't talk to me for days!"

Ian bothem "Its simple!, just...no need for a manual. Not like games these days bloody hell. All games should be like this!!"

Richard Bacon "Its a bit like sex if you think about it...slotting pieces into each other. I loved the game but couldn't last long...would always get a bit TOO excited if you know what I mean..."

At number 13 its...Call of duty!!

Simon Weston "People often come up to me and say 'What do you think of those war videogames? You must really hate how the games industry glamourizes it?'. Do you know what I say? I say 'BRING IT ON NOOBS!!!...POWNED!!'

John McCririck "Its DISGUSTING, just VILE. Making money out of war, it really does make me worry about the world we live in. I mean COME ON...what is FUN about WAR?"

Richard Blackwood "I think its a beautiful game, I really do. WITHOUT these games children just wouldn't care about the millions of people who died for the country they live in. By playing these games children can see the horror that these people went through. The important thing of course is that they realize that in REAL WAR if you die you DIE. Theres no 'restart mission' button. Its GAME OVER...FOR REAL!!"

At 12 its...Need for Speed!

Vernon Kay "Now we're talking!!, crank up your baby and let rip!"

Judy Finnegan "I sometimes see the influence of that game creeping into Richard on the way home from work."

Richard Finnegan "No No...I just like driving cars fast every now and again. I'm a man after all, I can't help it."

Bez from CBB3 "This is a well wicked game innit yeah its just like being in that film. The fast and the Furious. But YOU control the car!"

Jo Brand "My little nephew asked me for this game at xmas. It did take me a while to work out what it was at first, initially I thought he had turned into a little young smack head asking for different drugs from different relatives. What a name though, you may as well call it 'Give me Cocaine hit or I'll smack you in the face!"

At 10 its Metal Gear Solid!!

Mark Owen from Take That "Two words for this game. Cut Scenes. I remember when they started I would go off and make a five course meal and even then I'd come up and it STILL had not finished. 'Why do we fight? What is the meaning of life??' blah blah SHUT UP I JUST WANT TO SHOOT PEOPLE (laughs)"

Mark Frith Heat editor "It was really the first time we all started to believe that maybe games COULD be as good as movies wasn't it? The quality of the movie direction was actually BETTER then alot of REAL action films I've seen."

Derren Brown "This was the first time smoking was used in a game I believe. I remember playing with my son and thinking 'how could the makers of the game have the hero smoking cigs?' but of course it was fully justified since if you smoked them they ACTUALLY did damage your health. Nice idea. Most games lack these sort of consequences. "

Chris Moyles "Remember the fight with psycho mantis?! He would be like (adapts the voice) "Place the pad on the table and watch me move it?". I remember doing it just for a laugh but then the pad scooted off the fucking table! I kid you not I shit myself!"

At no9 its StreetFighter!

Ant and dec jumping around ‘HA DOO KEN!! HA DOO KEN!! TIGER UPPER CUT!’

Russell Brand “My only memory between the ages of 8 and 10 was being down my local arcade tossing coin after coin into that blasted piece of machinery!. Hands on the joysticks mashing those buttons like a monkey on steroids. With 20 or so zombies like myself screaming for their turn to play. Crazy days.”

Jack Osbourne “I distinctly remember that Zangief’s 360 piledriver was the hardest move to pull off. It took ages to learn but once I mastered it everyone wanted me to be their friend just so that I could teach them how to do Zangief’s 360 piledriver!”

Justin Lee Collins “All the lads they say ‘oh we love this game!!, lots of fighting yeah!’ but NO! It wasn’t the FIGHTING that drew the lads in it was the glimpse of Chun Li’s panties as she did a upsidedown spinning kick!!”

Brian from Big Brother 2 “Oh ken, now that is one SERIOUS hottie!”

Dec “I could beat Ant every single time with Ryu, often with perfects! He would be so bitter about it”

Ant “What a lie! That is a lie! I think you’ll find it was MEEEE who was the master of Street Fighter.”

Dec “ Oh give over!, he would always do that trick of pulling out my controller cord! Such a bitter loser”

Ant “I merely tripped over it that’s all!!...a couple of times yes but it can happen you know!”

At No 7 its...The Zelda series!

Vernon Kay "Duu Duuuuu du du du duuuuuuu" (theme music) "du du du duu duuuuuuuu duu du du duuuuuu"

Justin Lee Collins "Why don't we just pull out all of the troops in iraq and send in a guy with a green hat. Hand him a sword and a shield. 'There you go mate, good luck!...(head in hands) Why can't it be like that...oh how I wish it was JUST like that!"

Ant "The chickens!, I loved the chickens!"

Dec "Throwing chickens in rivers is not a sign of love!..."

Ant "I was merely giving them a bath!"

(clip of link finding treasure)

Richard Bacon "Doo du doo dooooooo!!! I just cannot get that sound of my head. Its ruined my life. Its especially frustrating in supermarkets and I 'm looking desperately for something. As sood as I find it...Doo du doo doooooo!! echoes throughout my head."

Richard Blackwood "Zelda games are epic. You start with 3 hearts in every game and by the end you have around 20."

At No5 its Gears of War!!

Some journalist from News of the World 'The thing that initially made this game stood out were the mind blowing graphics. I remember seeing it on some television in the background and I was like 'OH this looks like a great film, whats it called?' and then I was told that infact it was a computer game."

Sarah Cawood "They're all really BIG guys with BIG pads and BIG guns!!. I was watching all these boys play and I asked if I could have a bash. They all laughed at first but they were almost crying at the end when I wiped the floor with every single one of em!"

Vernon Kay "Awsome just awsome. Ever since Doom I was a huge fan of the first person gun games and they just keep getting better don't they? I remember playing Doom 2 and thinking this looks AMAZING. This is surely as good as it gets? But those crazy boffins keep finding ways to make things look better and better. I bet in 10 years time we'll all laugh at Gears of War but for now who cares, lets blast some more locust scumbags!!"

at No 3 its...Grand Theft Auto!!

Zippy and george, george starts with "Oh oh yes grand theft auto. I really enjoyed the missions, you started out at the bottom and had to climb to the top and -"

Zippy "MISSIONS?!...What do you mean missions? I just went around killing everyone ah HA HA HA!!"

Richard Blackwood "Before this game ALL games were like level 1, level 2 you know but this was the game that broke that whole levels thing."

Jimmy Carr "In front of my friends I would try and show off by racing at BREAK NECK speeds. Different story when alone however, my car would hardly move...apart from jumping up and down vertically."

Richard Blackwood "Could someone get me a drink? Coffee? Make sure its hot!..."

Zippy "Do you know what winds me up george?, these people moaning on and on about this game being a bad influence. Anyway, you've had your turn now its my turn to play..."

George "I just have to finish this mission Zippy, be patient I'll just be---"

Zippy starts attacking George "Give me thAT pad or I'll RIP YOUR HEAD OFF!!!! "

Dermot leary "There were TWO things I like about tombraider..."

Justin Lee Collins "Do you remember that sound when you fell from a great height...OUCH!!"

At No 1!!!...The greatest videogame of all time is...GUITAR HERO!!

Justin Lee Collins "ROCK ON!!"

We then get shorts bursts of air guitar by 10 celebs.

Richard Blackwood "This is what gaming is all about. Getting some mates around, listening to some classic tracks and just going crazy."

Vernon Kay "Whoever came up with the idea of making a guitar controller is genius. If this game had not come with that controller it just wouldn't of worked."

Little Dec "Its the bestest game ever, its so loud! It really annoys our mums they always shout 'turn it down!!'

Little Ant "I can complete a song on hard level!, HE (points to little Dec) still uses only 3 buttons! (giggles)

Chris Moyles "Anyone can play it...EVEN ME!..."

Richard Blackwood "The controller really is a stroke of genius. This is the game that REALLY started motion sensor controllers NOT Nintendo. Nintendo obviously saw how they made the guitar motion sense when the player tilts it and they basically just stole that idea and made the wii out of it."

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Awesome read. ;)

Simon Weston "People often come up to me and say 'What do you think of those war videogames? You must really hate how the games industry glamourizes it?'. Do you know what I say? I say 'BRING IT ON NOOBS!!!...POWNED!!'

Good lord! :(

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