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RPL United - Dressing Room (Season 7)


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I got kicked after about 0.13216546 seconds in the first game, so have no idea what happened. What was the score?

Ace second game though dudes. We showed that, if you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.


Well, I have very much enjoyed my time at United. I can honestly say that the banter has been directly inversely proportional to the actual in-game skill.

I would say well played boys, but we've spent most of our on pitch time concentrating on bickering.

Oh, fuck off.

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The ceremony may have been cancelled last season but the board have given the go ahead this season. With a new judging panel, I present to you:

bap_4.gifRPL United's End of Season Awards

They're back!

Player of the Year

Both main centre-backs had their work cut out but in his debut season at United Mitchell had his partner chopped & changed to the point where he almost cracked. Maintained sanity assures he's worthy of this prestigious award.


Unsung Hero

Tireless at full-back despite the red-mist leading to a few calls to the mangers office. Boobni


Goal of the Season

The greatest pass of the season from, I think it was tyler to ... Timmo


Most Offsides

Not clear cut but very probably Mattie


Miss of the Season

This normally only applies to shots but we can't be 100% sure. Pants


Most out of position Player

A vast improvement from previous seasons but without a doubt, there is only one candidate. Wincho.


Moaner of the Year

Pants made an early bid but quickly realised he was out of his depth. Timmo. 'Guys, where's the defence. That's ridiculous.'


Special Awards

The Path of the Righteous Man

The appearance of 'Angry Mattie', very briefly, early in the season is worth the award. Mattie. Previous winner Poppalarge will present Mattie with the award.


The Benjani Effect

Bagged 18 goals this season but 9 came on one evening against Wanderers. Timmo


It Started So Well

Dove tailing beautifully for part of a game, maybe as much as 10-15mins. Manic & Wincho and their midfield love affair.


It's not a Toomah!

He doth protest too much. Timmo


A Wise Man

Can't resit winding up the oppo. What a cunt. Milly


Found His A Game Button

For two seasons speculation was rife that this player couldn't afford a proper controller. tyler


Joey Barton Award

Milly can't help flick Mattie's ears but he was outdone by a man who knows no bounds when laying into his own team. He made fun of Millys potentially larger than average sized forehead and was always up for a ruck. Even with the boss. Arise Sir Pants McSkill.


You Forgot Someone

Ignorant & aloof or simply quiet & contemplating? Billy Brown You know why they call you Goon? Because you're retarded. And you're ugly. You're an ugly retard. And they call you Goon because you're ugly and retarded. And you'll always be Goon... Goon, Goon, Goon. And that's what I'm gonna call you for the rest of your life, is Goon. Goon, Goon, Goon, Goon, okay? So fuck you.


Ladies & gentlemen that concludes the season 7 awards! Leave your donations at the door.

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Nice work Tyler. I think we have Utd's next manager when Wincho's dealing days are done.

Nice of you to say so but as captain I've been nvolved in discussing potential transfers. My intervening would have led to United doing a Leeds United so let's just say I'll need an accountant if that ever comes to pass.


Oh, hai.

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Am away off now to bring my own unique brand of defending etc to Athletic next season. Its been a pleasure getting the chance to avoid the wife for a couple hours each Thursday night and have a few games.

Good luck next season and I just wish I could hear the arguements of everyone wanting to play right midfield against Athletic.

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Player of the Year

Both main centre-backs had their work cut out but in his debut season at United Mitchell had his partner chopped & changed to the point where he almost cracked. Maintained sanity assures he's worthy of this prestigious award.


Bless you all, my children.

I did fucking deserve it though.

See you Boobs and Billy. Sterling work this season, and I will miss you. Some solid shit. No doubt our B buttons will cross paths again at some point in the future, and until then, I salute thee.

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Jamie van der Smith has finally left Athletic after a turbulent season. A string of poor results and being played consistently out of position had led to exit rumours long before the auction. He’s been quiet and patient through the transfer process, but it’s been no secret that he has wanted to leave the 3rd placed outfit for some time, BoroTV caught up to Smith, who admitted he initially had second thoughts:

‘I’ve give Nath some stick this season – but I was the first to voice my backing on his initial signing of Pete and another quality addition in Sean’

However, this brief change of thought was quickly quashed as both stalwarts Mick and Rogue left the club, not long before next season’s initial line up was announced, he said:

‘I was disappointed not to see Pete in the front line with Pompey’

It seemed this was the final straw for van der Smith – who demanded to play for another club within hours of the news.

United signed van der Smith in the auction for a fee of 7 *cough* 4.7 *cough* million – he hopes both he and the club can impress this season with his sights set on winning the league.

‘I’m sure our team can play good football this season and I’m hoping I get a position nailed down early on. I’m confident that this team can challenge for the title – something which I never got to experience last season.’

Van der Smith was finally quizzed on transfer dealings and rival teams quality:

‘I was surprised to see that Pompey has stuck to his guns and stayed at Athletic, whilst I was also surprised at how quickly Steely dispatched of Ricky – revolving door treatment. But for the third time in a row, I feel that City will be up there with the best of them this season.’

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I’m hoping I get a position nailed down early on.

Without wanting to go above the managers head, I think you can fill your boots with either of these two, depending on the side you play.


There are about 10 midfielders who could end up playing though. Portugal's squad is a bit good.

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