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Activision shuts down Bizarre Creations


Corleth the Fey
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Bizarre Creations' website used to have a page listing some of the silly jokes they inserted into their game code. I quote it again, as a tribute to them:

TOP TEN STRANGE THINGS FOUND IN OUR GAME CODE

(WARNING: Bad language alert! Not for the easily offended!!)

A) METROPOLIS CODING ODDITIES

1. void ChainSmokeLikeKeith( CHAIN_ENTRY *Cl, long Cnt);

2. struct ARTY_FARTY_SHITTY_CAR

3. // Check for Turtilification...

4. sprintf(TString," Crash Tinkle Tinkle, Broken glass and maimed people... HA HA HA HA !!!");

5. // OK, here's something Jonathan and I guessed at... // ...Fucking hell it worked!

6. // Meat and bones calc...

7. #define LENS_FLARE_BOOSH #define LENS_FLARE_PUJANG #define LENS_FLARE_DOOF

8. // Build bounding box vertices FELCH

9. // Bollox spray all over the screen

10. long FuckFlag=0;

And now, after reading this, do you still really want to know all about the game?

B) FUR FIGHTERS CODING STRANGENESSES

1. dbprintf("There is a Bug"); CreateBug();

2. // Blobbies

3. // DETECTION is my lasertronic purpose

4. // I'm a man and I follow a spline rather than any conventional deity

5. int pammo,lammo,sammo,rammo,nammo; // My Italian brothers

6. CreateBaby();

7. // Variables needed for the process - or just a load of bollocks I made up

8. // Mark did this for bigger Glide happiness

9. // What do we know of their military intent ?

10. // This is where the bugs come from

OK, it's not their fault, they can't help it......it's the pressure of working here!!

C) FORMULA 1 CODING SILLYNESS

1. #define _NUMBER_OF_BUGS_ 74 - F197

2. StopLinkFuckingUp(); - F1

3. #ifdef BOLLOCKS - F1

4. // ORAC - RESTORE THE TELEPORT !!! - F1 PC, F197 PC

5. // This code needs to be Transbobulated, using the process of Transboblification. (See Rozza for details) - F197

6. // STOP EVERYTHING AND DANCE - F197

7. #ifdef _game_crashes printf ("Pete_is_an_arse_bandit \n"); #endif - F197

8. dbprintf("Focus Davrosed"); dbprintf("Focus DoctorWhoed"); - F1 PC, F197 PC

9. // thetta er keith here. halli er alveg ath koma. - F1

10. // take a glorious snapshot and dump to a 24bit targa file like a complete bastard - F1 PC

Yes, you can see why the F1 series has sold millions of copies worldwide, with code like this!

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I'm gonna have to boot PGR4 tonight. Be on about 11.

Need to go back to Blur, couldn't ever bring myself to trade it, despite the rage, as it sits next to all the other BC racing games that have provided many stoned hours of pleasure getting slowly baked while nailing perfect drifts.

Fuck, come to think of it, I went to Asda at midnight on launch day to get PGR4!

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I'm going to get Blur... I really can't be arsed with serious sim racers but Blur does look good from that video up there. Given that I also don't care about online gaming in the slightest - what's the version to get PS3 or 360?

Yeah, get it. And don't listen to people telling you that it's only about online. Blur has a really enjoyable offline campaign with a good variety of challenges to complement the racing. I'm not aware of any version looking inferior, but the PS3 version does have some issues online if it doesn't like your router. I had major connection issues with it.

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I'm going to get Blur... I really can't be arsed with serious sim racers but Blur does look good from that video up there. Given that I also don't care about online gaming in the slightest - what's the version to get PS3 or 360?

Just make sure it's a second hand copy. The people who made it ain't gonna get a bean now, and the people who'd profit from your purchase fired them.

/spite

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Just a thought...Turn10 owns the PGR franchise now, right? They should snap up the Bizarre people.

No, Microsoft owns the PGR franchise. We'll have to wait and see if they'll do anything with it. Earlier rumours about PGR5 being in development by Turn 10 turned out to be false.

And I recall some people (either from Bizarre Creations or Microsoft Game Studios perhaps) who worked on PGR games, also contributing to Forza 3 for the drifting system.

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Digging through some old docs I have on a memory stick I found this series of odd emails sent to Bizarre during the Dreamcast days.

I bet they were sent by probeater. ;)

------------------------------------

E-MAIL 1

I bought 'Fur Fighters' the day it came out on the strength of the demo. I

wasn't disappointed as this is one of the best games I have played.

One thing I don't like though is the way you have to fight your wife at the

end of each theme. This brought back painful memories of when I was little

and my dad would come back from the pub and beat the shit out of my mum. I

think this might encourage younger players to act like my dad did (before he

got nicked) when they get older.

Please can you remove this for the sequel (which I'm sure you're working on

now).

Cheers,

Nigel.

---------------------------------------

E-MAIL 2

Hello,

I bought MSR when it came out on Friday. I think that it is a very fine game

and I must admit that I like playing it a lot.

There is one aspect of it that upsets me though. It's the London circuits,

there is nothing wrong with the way they were built, they just bring back

painful childhood memories of my dad driving my mum round London at "mad

bastard" speeds with the sole intention of scaring the absolute shit out of

her.

Because of this I feel that a third of the game is unavailable to me. I'm a

bit upset about this as you could have modelled somewhere else (like

Basingstoke which has the big daddy of all roundabouts). Maybe you should

take this into account when you design your next game as it is people like

me who buy the games you make.

Otherwise a damn fine job.

Nigel.

--------------------------------

E-MAIL 3

Hello again,

I must start my email by thanking [snip] for the very nice email he

sent me, it is always nice to know that people are listening to my concerns.

I have now being playing 'Fur Fighters' quite a bit more now and the problem

I mentioned about the bosses is not as bad now because I have reached the

husband of Juilette the cat! The problem I had before with the bosses was

that they reminded me of my dad beating the living shit out of my mum. The

jet powered cat is different however and it brings back quite a happy

childhood memory.

This was when my dad came back from the pub as pissed up as a scotsman in a

Glasgow beer drinking festival. This time however my mum was ready for him

and before he got the chance to attack her she stabbed him in the right

buttock with a frozen carrot (which she had been sharpening all evening).

She then laughed for almost half an hour.

So thank you again for this wonderful game which I'm now really enjoying.

I'm still amazed at how much joy and sorrow this game has brought me. It's

been an emotional experience.

Nigel.

PS. I'm going to Tokyo soon so I'll be comparing it to MSR!!

--------------------------------------

E-MAIL 4

Hello there!

I've justy come back from holiday in Japan with my girlfriend (she's not a

pretty girl). While I was in Tokyo I had the opportunity to have a good look

round, I must admit that the representation in MSR is very well

accomplished. One thing I didn't understand was the lack of people in the

game - there are loads of the little buggers in Tokyo! I can understand why

you didn't put people in London (because it is a horrible city) and San

Francisco (because everyone got killed in the earthquake) but Tokyo is cool.

I've become quite a fan of your games now and I looked on your website to

see what other games you had made. I bought Formula 1 '97 the next day for a

tenner, unfortunately it reminds me of a time when I went to a F1 race and

Michael Schumacher punched me in the eye.

Now what needs to be made public is the Wiz, Liz and Me video. This guy in the US send Bizarre a video of a full playthrough of Wiz and Liz. As he still had some tape left he decided to make a short documentary about his life. He ran a cheap motel on Daytona beach, films the motel then walks along the dilapidated seafront into a scummy bar giving a great unintentionally funny commentary.

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So I say tonite in honour of Bizarre Creations' final day as a studio . Blur fans play Blur tonite. PGR fans play PGR. The Club fans play The Club. Geometry Wars fans you know what to do. As long as it's Bizarre, just do it.

So now I know where that random XBL message came from!

I think I probably raced crap in that lobby and if I rememeber correctly that was the one with at least one known cheat in it, hence the reason I left.

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Now what needs to be made public is the Wiz, Liz and Me video. This guy in the US send Bizarre a video of a full playthrough of Wiz and Liz. As he still had some tape left he decided to make a short documentary about his life. He ran a cheap motel on Daytona beach, films the motel then walks along the dilapidated seafront into a scummy bar giving a great unintentionally funny commentary.

I remember watching that in the old Psynosis building. He was a proper mental.

It was made all the funnier by, as it ends and fades to black, someone shouting "Hey Buddy! Get a life!"

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