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Leaflet Critique


EViS
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Could you please provide some critique and advice on the following leaflet. As well as the design element, could you offer some opinions on whether it make sense and grabs your attention? Or is there too much information for you to even bother reading a word of it?

Many thanks in advance :).

Version 01:

post-3099-0-29231100-1335897230_thumb.jp

Version 02:

post-3099-0-29379500-1336064028_thumb.jp

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There's so much text, it makes the background image not worth bothering with. Also, by showing a picture of a build in progress, it leaves in mind the idea that it doesn't actually get finished.

As a message point, it should focus on what promises Evis will deliver, and not what others don't or perceive to.

As a suggestion you might want to show pictures of brickwork with the message etched into the bricks.

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Not sure about the design, bit hard to read with the full justification on the top few lines.

However, the copy doesn't help. First line of para 1 needs rearranging - too passive and a bit clunky. Why not simply: Great bulders start and finish on time etc.

Also, I'd strongly recommend losing the reference to stereotyped, adds nothing and just conjures the negative image you are trying to avoid.

Also, rather than "they" are this and that, change it to we are etc.

This will also give your remaining copy more room to breathe.

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One thing - bit naughty asking people on here to sort out the photo for you without letting them know it'd be used commercially. And too much text.

I honestly did not see that as being a problem. I didn't mean to mislead anyone and would assume anyone helping out would also assume its for a commercial use as opposed for my private collection, no? Out of interest, why do you think it's a bit cheeky (or naughty) of me to have asked for help with the photo?

I fully see all of your points in regards to text and worked on it last night, will upload a redraft in a little while :).

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Could you come and do a bit of building work for me, for free?

It comes from a photographers perspective, people will often ask you to do something, or to use a photo without any payment. I think the technical term for it is "being a bit fucking cheeky" ;)

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Who did the design and copy for your website? While it's not necessarily the sort of thing that'd appeal to my taste, it seems solid enough. This leaflet, I perhaps wrongly assume, looks like it was done by someone else who isn't used to writing or designing and just took some phrases and ideas from the site and put them together without a lot of thought, which (as well as being a trait you don't want to see in a builder) leads to the sort of clumsiness identified by some in this thread. Or maybe it's the same people but they have no idea how to write or design for hard copy. Dunno. Regardless, the overall effect is that it seems to be reaching a bit - the text seems inflated, a bit pompous and over-wordy, and the layout is far too cluttered (mercenarri's is a lot better visually).

No disrespect intend, but if you want to maintain the image you've set out to build with your website I think you should get this done professionally, and I'm afraid that feeds into some of the comments others have made about getting Photoshop freebies off a forum. Otherwise it will likely look unprofessional, which is clearly the last thing you want. Your call, obviously.

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Thank you for ALL for your comments. Incredibly helpful and valid points. Just to answer some of your questions. Everything you see in front of you, the logo, the website, the copy and the SEO was done by me and is continually maintained by me. Obviously writing effective copy or design isn't my day job, but together with keeping accounts, marketing, putting together contracts and warranty's, it's part of running a business and is all part of the fun and experience in my eyes. Admittedly, professionals who undertake these tasks on a daily basis will do a better job, but employing them will come in time when I truly do feel overworked or cannot improve work I do myself.

I do now understand your points about asking for the photo to be corrected and can relate to that in the building industry where customers feel that whilst you're there, you could also do this and fix that for them. Lesson's learned. I have sent Blu3Flame a PM apologising in the event he too feels 'cheated' and asking for his permission to use his remastered photo.

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One thing - bit naughty asking people on here to sort out the photo for you without letting them know it'd be used commercially. And too much text.

I do now understand your points about asking for the photo to be corrected and can relate to that in the building industry where customers feel that whilst you're there, you could also do this and fix that for them. Lesson's learned. I have sent Blu3Flame a PM apologising in the event he too feels 'cheated' and asking for his permission to use his remastered photo.

I've no problem with the edited photo being used for commercial purposes. I'd already assumed it would be used in some commercial capacity as I was aware of EViS's company from other threads on the forum.

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Thanks for confirming Blu3Flame :).

I've taken all of your advice on board (I hope!) and have worked on the copy. This being the result with the following changes:

- removed all references to 'we' and replaced them with 'you' as I understand that people are more receptive to this style of marketing.

- changed the header to something more enticing for the reader to carry on reading (IMO). Opinions?

- re-arranged the order of our USP's and streamlined any excess wording.

- increased the spacing between the lines as well as the border around the text frames. I also tried reducing the font size and increasing spacing, but I'm weary of going too small and thus making the leaflet harder to read for poor-sighted people. Would appreciate some opinions on this?

- i've also gone with a mild opacity on the text frame but worry it might make the leaflet look slightly dated as opacity used to be horribly overused. Opinions?

- finally the background image, this is the only area where I am probably in a minority and would have to disagree with you guys. I fully understand your views that the image could portray the impression of a builder who leaves a job halfway through, but on the flip side people are always interested in seeing a job progress and see the hard work that is involved, only to be covered up by the final finish.

post-3099-0-89092200-1336064071_thumb.jp

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It's much better. You do mention great builder four times though? I do like the philosophy btw and if you can deliver to those standards, good on you.

Oops! Wrong version. There's actually three 'great builder' references. However, this may still be too many. Happy to hear your points of view though.

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