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Star Wars: The Force Awakens


Captain Kelsten
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We live in a world where all you have to do is trawl through comments on Facebook or YouTube to see that there are literally countless numbers of people who don't know the first fucking thing about all kinds of historical events or have insanely skewed understandings of them, be they 100 years ago or even a generation hence.

It's really not that big a stretch.

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Maybe the Empire made a holographic movie (or whatever Star Wars folk have as an entertainment medium) about Jedi, and distributed it around tthe galaxy. Not as propaganda presenting the Jedi as evil and the Empire as righteous! But telling a story so ludicrous that people began to assume that the Jedi were fictional.

You know, like those Facebook screengrabs that were all over the place around the 100th anniversary of the Titanic.

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Come to think of it though the destruction of both Death Stars had little to do with Jedi fighting each other, they where just well orchestrated spaceship assaults by the Rebels.

Who even saw all the stuff with Luke, Vader and the Emporer? Maybe someone caught glimpses, started some rumours, but there was no live feed to Coruscant Square with everyone watching and cheering.

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Come to think of it though the destruction of both Death Stars had little to do with Jedi fighting each other, they where just well orchestrated spaceship assaults by the Rebels.

Who even saw all the stuff with Luke, Vader and the Emporer? Maybe someone caught glimpses, started some rumours, but there was no live feed to Coruscant Square with everyone watching and cheering.

Here's where it gets a bit tricky. The original editions just had the Ewoks throwing a rave and the jub-jub song, but in the SEs we saw Tatooine, Cloud City, and Coruscant all celebrating with the latter shindig featuring the toppling of Palpatine's statue and stormtrooper crowdsurfing.

So if you believe the SEs, which are canon, then billions of people knew about the Empire's defeat(s).

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I love the scene where the turkeys vote for Christmas and pretty much all of them are too dumb to even register it.

But the nice idea in that scene is ruined by Portman shouting exposition about what's happening over the top of it.

Here's where it gets a bit tricky. The original editions just had the Ewoks throwing a rave and the jub-jub song, but in the SEs we saw Tatooine, Cloud City, and Coruscant all celebrating with the latter shindig featuring the toppling of Palpatine's statue and stormtrooper crowdsurfing.

So if you believe the SEs, which are canon, then billions of people knew about the Empire's defeat(s).

They know they lost and the Death Stars were destroyed. If something explodes and afterwards someone tells you that inside, right before the explosion there was a sweet lightning filled, super powered laser sword fight that nobody saw you might not believe them.

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Don't be a slave to canon, people. There's a very simple, elegant solution to all the problems created by the special editions and the prequels: ignore them. Keep telling yourself they don't exist, other than as the equivalent of fan fiction or a bad dream. Stick to the theatrical editions of the original trilogy, which are available right now on DVD, laserdisc, VHS and in HD online (and inevitably on Blu-ray before long) and be happy. You don't even need the prequels to satisfy any cravings for more Star Wars any more, because the sequel to Return of the Jedi is out in about seven weeks' time and then you're going to be getting a new Star Wars movie every year. Go back to creating your own stories about what happened in the mysterious 'clone wars' that Ben Kenobi briefly mentioned to Luke. Try to visualise a young Sebastian Shaw and Alec Guinness fighting alongside one another, before one was seduced by the dark side and they became mortal enemies. Think of Yoda as a slow-moving, slightly unhinged Jedi Master who has lived on Dagobah for centuries. And remember that The Force is a kind of space magic and that Jedi Knights wear black, not those old brown and cream robes that everyone on Tatooine gets from the same shop.

To be fair, the obvious problems about timings are there from the original films. Vader is at most the same age as Obi-Wan, likely younger, and in his life-span the Jedi have disappeared when they were previously everywhere and they're now classed as an ancient religion.

It seems massively unlikely that Han doesn't know anyone who has seen a Jedi in action, even if you dismiss the fact that Chewie was in a battle with some.

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To be fair, the obvious problems about timings are there from the original films. Vader is at most the same age as Obi-Wan, likely younger, and in his life-span the Jedi have disappeared when they were previously everywhere and they're now classed as an ancient religion.

It seems massively unlikely that Han doesn't know anyone who has seen a Jedi in action, even if you dismiss the fact that Chewie was in a battle with some.

Do we really believe anyone, let alone Han, can understand Chewbacca?

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Question: how many of you noticed Chewbacca is shot and wounded during the Sail Barge fight? Just curious as literally no one I've ever discussed the film with seems to be aware of it but surely I'm not the only one? Doesn't get a medal, no one cares when he gets shot...poor old Chewie just don't get no love or respect, man.

But the nice idea in that scene is ruined by Portman shouting exposition about what's happening over the top of it.

Nah, it's a decent enough line, one of the very few good ones she delivers in the whole thing. And if film threads here and elsewhere have taught me anything, it's that there are a considerable number of cinemagoers and TV viewers who are thick as molasses and frequently need to be spoon fed 'unnecessary' expository dialogue because they're incapable of keeping up with things shown clearly on screen, so it serves a purpose in that regard.

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Question: how many of you noticed Chewbacca is shot and wounded during the Sail Barge fight? Just curious as literally no one I've ever discussed the film with seems to be aware of it but surely I'm not the only one? Doesn't get a medal, no one cares when he gets shot...poor old Chewie just don't get no love or respect, man.

Chewie is Karlo Ren and he's turned to the dark side because non-one gave him a medal.

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I preferred the Despecialised version of Star Wars (am yet to watch Empire or Jedi), it feels slower but less cluttered and natural. I was aware of the differences going in (who isn't?) but, yeah, I loved Star Wars after seeing the Special Edition but the Despecialised ones felt less cartoon like and more like a film made in the 70s

Then you HAVE to see the Grindhouse version -

Vader's glowing red eyes, and the new additions they put in are nothing short of amazing.

part 1:

Part 2:

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Try to visualise a young Sebastian Shaw and Alec Guinness fighting alongside one another, before one was seduced by the dark side and they became mortal enemies.

sbmyw3.jpg

(n.b. not my work.)

EDIT: Imagine if George Lucas had had the balls to go all out for recreating the '40s serials style and had filmed the prequels in black and white, with no CGI at all... maybe it'll happen when Disney remake them in thirty years. :)

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Question: how many of you noticed Chewbacca is shot and wounded during the Sail Barge fight? Just curious as literally no one I've ever discussed the film with seems to be aware of it but surely I'm not the only one? Doesn't get a medal, no one cares when he gets shot...poor old Chewie just don't get no love or respect, man.

One of the strangest things in the old films is Leia, diplomat/royalty/senator, describing Chewie as "a walking carpet". There's no way that isn't massively, massively racist (well, speciesist)..

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Methinks the princess doth protest too much. She's overcompensating because she's desperate to hide her secret, shameful Wookiee fetish. After all, in an unguarded moment she did let slip that she'd "just as soon kiss a Wookiee."

Basically I'm saying Leia is a walking carpet muncher.

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Anyone else think the 'I will finish what you started' line delivery sounded gash, at least in isolation? It sounds really mundane and flat, not menacing.

I mean compare and contrast that with the 'you have that power too' line in the previous trailer. I just thought it sounded crap considering it was a pivotal line the trailer.

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The other strange thing is Leia stating "somehow I've always known" when Luke tells her they're siblings... makes the kiss in Empire all the worse

maybe they went all BTTF, that it was that kiss that made her suspect, and there was a line cut, something like

This is all wrong. I don't know what it is. But when I kiss you, it's like I'm kissing... my brother. I guess that doesn't make any sense, does it?

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One of the strangest things in the old films is Leia, diplomat/royalty/senator, describing Chewie as "a walking carpet". There's no way that isn't massively, massively racist (well, speciesist)..

Princess Leia: the Organa family equivalent of Prince Philip.

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