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For posterity.

Rudi von Starnberg: A SPECTRE IS HAUNTING RLLMUK

Rudi von Starnberg: THE SPECTRE OF VGAs

PK: an incredible array of entertainment options

PK: i'm not sure what's more depressing

PK: the state of this fucking red carpet shite

distinguishthis entered chat.

PK: or the fact there's only 4 people in this chat instead of 20+ when we thought maybe possibly HL3 was being announced last year

distinguishthis: hello!

Rudi von Starnberg: There will be more people

Rudi von Starnberg: once we get to 2am

distinguishthis: this starts in 20 minutes, aye?

Rudi von Starnberg: Yeah

PK: yeah

PK: it's red carpet chat now

PK: or er

distinguishthis: this is going to be fantastically shit

PK: greyish blue carpet?

distinguishthis: i heard they're giving out awards on the carpet

Al Benicio: it's basically handing out awards to puzzled people time

PK: yeah they have already

Al Benicio: for an hour or so

PK: they've handed out at least 3 already

PK: voiceover has been done

PK: to Clem

Al Benicio: casey you cunt, fuck your endings

Rudi von Starnberg: FUCKING

Rudi von Starnberg: CASEY

Rudi von Starnberg: FUCKING

Rudi von Starnberg: HUDSON

LAS VEGAS has been invited to chat.

LAS VEGAS entered chat.

distinguishthis: LAAAAAS VEGAS

LAS VEGAS: las vegas

PK: would you feel you've accomplished anything

PK: if you were forced to completely change your ending

PK: journey

distinguishthis: so i can't watch this on my xbox live account for some reason

distinguishthis: so i'm using the missus'

PK: journey should win everything

Rudi von Starnberg: are they giving out the awards on the red carpet

Earion: yes

Rudi von Starnberg: fucking

Earion: they do this every year

PK: why are they giving awards out in the carpark

Rudi von Starnberg: BGAs

Earion: journey was pretty fucking good though

Earion: so

PK: they're getting it all out of the way so the whole show is just HL3

distinguishthis: i haven't played most of the games on the nominations list

Earion: they've gotta make time for linkin park

Earion: and

Earion: tenacious d

Earion: that's it, host

Earion: just echo his half-jokes

Al Benicio: lol, these poor bastards

Al Benicio: 'oooh an award, great, ta'

Earion: i'd forgotten how fucking ugly that award is

distinguishthis: it looks like sam and max in a venom suit

Rudi von Starnberg: hahaha

distinguishthis: we have no idea what this game is

Rudi von Starnberg: zachary levi looks like Eddie Izzard there in the background

Earion: zachary levi in the background of every shot, murder in his eyes

Rudi von Starnberg: swaying around

distinguishthis: they haven't given back zachary levi's soul

Earion: it came out through his hair

VN1X: zachary levi...

VN1X: isnt he supposed to be one of the good guys >

VN1X: ?

PK: he's an enormous fire hazard

Rudi von Starnberg: I know Zach Levi is some sort of Christian, maybe he's a Calvinist and thinks he is justified and saved by grace and part of the elect and he can't go to hell no matter how many bad things he does

Rudi von Starnberg: so he figures

PK: with that hair

Rudi von Starnberg: he may as well present the VGAs

Earion: the biggest manchild

PK: he looks like he's 12

Rudi von Starnberg: cried

Al Benicio: he looks like my 12 year old cousin in a suit

Al Benicio: ;p;

Al Benicio: lol

PK: he's clearly got a semi

Rudi von Starnberg: hahahaha

Earion: who is he

PK: look at his rosy cheeks

Earion: why is he being interviewed

Rudi von Starnberg: seriously

Rudi von Starnberg: who

Al Benicio: 'oooh Justine im gonna wank about you tonight'

Earion: he's been in some disney tv shows

PK: justine being very professional

distinguishthis: who's justine, that woman in the blue dress?

Earion: that's it

Earion: he's most famous for being a minor role in icarly

Hoot entered chat.

PK: ignoring his massive erection

PK: grey suit was a poor choice

Rudi von Starnberg: WHAT

Rudi von Starnberg: Oh god it's Pachter

Earion: pach attack

Rudi von Starnberg: The Man Who Gets Literally Everything Wrong

Earion: i'm michael pachter and what is this

distinguishthis: "I'm Michael Pachter, welcome to Jackass"

Hoot: link for a stream, please?

distinguishthis: you got an xbox?

VN1X: wow

Earion: http://www.spike.com/netstorage/events/video-game-awards/live/

PK: http://www.spike.com/netstorage/events/video-game-awards/live/

distinguishthis: i'm watching it on mine

VN1X: pachter being honest about the awards show ?

Hoot: cheers!

VN1X: being commercial and all that

VN1X: wow

VN1X: kudos to pachter haha

VN1X: "Dude I'm never right"

distinguishthis: "I'm never right" ahahahaha

Earion: michael pachter: 'the xbox is the future'

PK: lol

VN1X: hahahaha

VN1X: HAHAHAHAH

Rudi von Starnberg: stay for the mane

Rudi von Starnberg: christ

VN1X: all pubes

distinguishthis: WHAT THE FUCK

VN1X: Marlon is awesome

distinguishthis: AHAHAHAHA

PK: what's dr pepper ten

Earion: it's pubes all the way down

distinguishthis: so now we know about Marlon's son.

distinguishthis: wow.

distinguishthis: this is...illuminating

Al Benicio: lol

Al Benicio: it was like

Al Benicio: this is shite

Al Benicio: SEE MY MOVIE!

Al Benicio: cya

Smitty entered chat.

VN1X: OH FUCK

VN1X: I have never chatted with Smitty

VN1X: live

Smitty: sup yo

PK: is this femshep

distinguishthis: SMITTEH IN THE HOOOOOUSE

VN1X: yo

VN1X: WTF

distinguishthis: this is Dr Naomi Hunter!

PK: how the fuck do you get your femshep look like this?

VN1X: MASS EFFECT WOMEN HAVE HUGE TITS

Earion: i hate the fact that femshep actually caught on

Earion: as a term

Rudi von Starnberg: yep

Earion: hey this beats last year

Smitty: yeah its an assumption that you'd be a man

Earion: i want to kill myself BEFORE the show

Al Benicio: and a 1000 Bioware fans cried out when they say that Liaras voice actor isn't purple

Al Benicio: saw

Rudi von Starnberg: hahahaha

PK: haha

Smitty: i've watched 20 seconds and i feel dirty already

distinguishthis: not until they show the ads

Rudi von Starnberg: You missed Marlon Wayans talking about his pubes

Smitty: i have missed nothing

PK: i swear they've given out 60% of the awards in the carpark outside?

Earion: take a shot every time you hear the term femshep

VN1X: femshep

distinguishthis: and his son's pubes too

Earion: shot of anything

VN1X: "FEMSHEP RESPONSE"

Rudi von Starnberg: shot of

Rudi von Starnberg: fucking

Earion: whisky, absinthe, live ammo

Rudi von Starnberg: cyanide

Rudi von Starnberg: oh good it's the John Walker 'arse stare' defence

Smitty: jesus this is bad

PK: the best is yet to come

Earion: wheres your fucking doritos, doritosman

PK: KEIGHLEY

distinguishthis: DORITOS

PK: DEW

Smitty: all hail

VN1X: HALO 4

VN1X: DEW DEW

PK: king of the doritocon

Earion: a new game from an old franchise

distinguishthis: LESS QQ MORE DEW DEW

Smitty: WOW A SEQUEL JEFF?

Earion: STOP

Earion: THE

Earion: FUCKING

Earion: PRESSES

Smitty: who would have predicted a sequel at the VGAs

Rudi von Starnberg: Solve the puzzle of what we're showing you

Rudi von Starnberg: FUCK off.

Earion: fucking nobody, smitty

distinguishthis: game of the decade

Earion: yes geoff

distinguishthis: i hope it's angry birds

PK: he mentioned portal

Earion: give away more awards on the red carpet

PK: HL3 confirmed

Rudi von Starnberg: Bad Rats 3

Smitty: a HIGH PROFILE game will get a SEQUEL

Smitty: big shit

Earion: why can't we give away all of the games on the red carpet

Earion: games?

Earion: awards

Earion: fucking

Earion: whatever

Smitty: http://i.imgur.com/VEjcA.jpg

Earion: just shoot games into the crowd from a t-shirt cannon

Smitty: Let's all say the Reviewers Prayer!

Smitty: Gamestop

Smitty: Linken Park

Smitty: Tenacious D

Smitty: Cliffy B

Earion: fucking south park

Rudi von Starnberg: good eyebrow action there

Hoot: He looks like a hamster

VN1X: its 3AM DOWN HERE FUCK

Rudi von Starnberg: fucking.

Earion: if that game kills obsidian

Rudi von Starnberg: south park.

PK: how does his pocket work

PK: it doesn't make sense

Smitty: veegy veegy veegy

Al Benicio: Totilo reminds me of Clint Howard

Earion: the tony stark of video games

Smitty: who is this alien guy

Earion: cliffy b, an alcoholic with heart problems

Rudi von Starnberg: teabagging

Rudi von Starnberg: FUCK

PK: guys

Earion: new universes.

PK: what if this is it

Rudi von Starnberg: I want a new universe

Rudi von Starnberg: this one is broken

Earion: fuck OFF BATMAN

Rudi von Starnberg: it's just all

Rudi von Starnberg: teabags

Rudi von Starnberg: and VGAs

Smitty: Batman - new and fresh

PK: what if gabe saves this fucking horrendous shitfest

Earion: nobody mention valve

Earion: not again

Rudi von Starnberg: Joseph Gordon Levitt The Game

Al Benicio: Morrius isnt in here

PK: in a filthy ralph lauren top

Earion: not after last year

Al Benicio: so doubt we'll get it

Smitty: fuck sake morrius

PK: literally everyone on camera tonight has looked uneasy

PK: that has to be because they know gabe is in the building

Steve has changed their name to [PP]Steve.

[PP]Steve entered chat.

[PP]Steve: LASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS VEGASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

PK: LAAASSSSSS

Rudi von Starnberg: where I live

Earion: i guess they're just using matt and trey to present it again?

Rudi von Starnberg: VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED

[PP]Steve: this is morrius btw :D

VN1X: yo

VN1X: hahaha

distinguishthis: M RATED

[PP]Steve: lol

PK: ....

Smitty: they shoud all like uneasy

distinguishthis: SOUTH PARK

Earion: did they just

[PP]Steve: south park RPG is a wicked idea

PK: nice south park promo

Earion: cancel out of south park?

Smitty: i'd be sweating blood if i was on this show

PK: half a second

Smitty: Spike.com

Earion: did we just miss the whole trailer?

[PP]Steve: wtf? stable HD stream? what's going on?!

Smitty: steven tortilla looks ill

distinguishthis: this stream on my xbox is great

PK: what just happened

Rudi von Starnberg: oh hey

Rudi von Starnberg: it's like

[PP]Steve: the one on vga.spike.com is good too

Rudi von Starnberg: 2006

PK: they showed 5 seconds of south park?

Rudi von Starnberg: snakes on a plane

[PP]Steve: WHATS GOING ON LOL

Earion: everyone

Rudi von Starnberg: You're on the backstage stream

distinguishthis: what

Earion: change stream

Rudi von Starnberg: go to the main one

Earion: you want vga live

Earion: not acess all areas

PK: ah

PK: sorry

Earion: it's in the top left of the video

Earion: once you mouse over

[PP]Steve: sam jackson is better than the twat from last year

Earion: the shitfest has started

Rudi von Starnberg: You didn't miss anything it was just Cartman beating a Martin Freeman hobbit to death

VN1X: ALL THOSE HIRED AUDIENCES NEED TO SHUT UP

Rudi von Starnberg: and then Samuel Jackson

Earion: oh god

Smitty: oh i see

Earion: he's doing the pulp fiction thing

Smitty: I was on the all access thing

Rudi von Starnberg: welcome

[PP]Steve: KILL SHOTS

Rudi von Starnberg: to fucking

Rudi von Starnberg: 1991

Earion: dopeness upon thee

Smitty: got rid of that now

Al Benicio: lol

[PP]Steve: wow the cameraman likes that hot girl

distinguishthis: I thought this was M rated

David has been invited to chat.

distinguishthis: why did they censor fuck

David entered chat.

Comrade entered chat.

[PP]Steve: no age gate on stream

Rudi von Starnberg: stiiiiiiiill censoring

Smitty: urrgh i'm dying of embarassment already

distinguishthis: STOP CENSORING

Smitty: it's so try-hard this show

PK: be prepared to cringe yourself inside out

[PP]Steve: Embrace the shit smitty

[PP]Steve: become one with the shit

Rudi von Starnberg: I'm your f-------vatar

Comrade: Truly, this is High Art

VN1X: criiiiiiiiiiiiiiinge

PK: video f********* games

Rudi von Starnberg: fans getting put into games?

Rudi von Starnberg: this has the potential to beat the CGI audience members

Comrade: Yeah, thanks Gamestop.

Smitty: ha

[PP]Steve: I wonder if they have that cg stage thing from last year

Smitty: I UNDERSTAND: Samuel Jackson swears

VN1X: hahaha

VN1X: man..

distinguishthis: i don't get it

distinguishthis: why censor this

Earion: rip thq

VN1X: the guy is an asshole

[PP]Steve: Imagine the baftas like this

Rudi von Starnberg: rip man

Rudi von Starnberg: rip

distinguishthis: if you're supposed to get someone on who swears

[PP]Steve: YO I'M JUDI FUCKING DENCH

Rudi von Starnberg: Helen Mirren actually did that

Rudi von Starnberg: the other day

Rudi von Starnberg: for real

[PP]Steve: sweet

Comrade: Samuel L Jackson is sixty-three years old. SIXTY THREE YEARS OF AGE

Earion: did

Earion: jewwash

Earion: just happen

Earion: did that

Rudi von Starnberg: fucking

Earion: fuck

Smitty: it's fucking ridiculous (sam's age)

Rudi von Starnberg: jewish jokes

PK: all cringe aside

Smitty: he looks practically the same as he did 20 years ago

Mentazm entered chat.

PK: this is going to be a great game

Mentazm: aright

Earion: fuck it

Earion: shut down obsidian

[PP]Steve: I hope black isle or whatever they're called now nail this

distinguishthis: I actually can't wait for this South Park game

VN1X: lmao

Rudi von Starnberg: literally none of the good Obsidian people are working on South Park the game

VN1X: kevin

Rudi von Starnberg: they've got the fucking Z team on it

Smitty: i reckon it'll decente nough

Smitty: DECENTE

Smitty: lol

Earion: oh

[PP]Steve: what are they doing then

Rudi von Starnberg: I'M BRIAN DECENTE

PK: NO

Earion: it's the other walking dead

Smitty: celeb time

Rudi von Starnberg: AHAHAHAHAHA

Earion: AHAHAHAHA

Rudi von Starnberg: AHAHAHAHAHAHA

Mentazm: who?

distinguishthis: BRIAN BOITANO

PK: I DON'T WANT TO SEE WHAT THE WALKING DEAD CAST LOOK LIKE

[PP]Steve: YO MERL

PK: oh

Mentazm: oh them

VN1X: WOT DA FUK

Smitty: ohoh bad stage acting

PK: from the tv series

VN1X: CRINGe

PK: that's ok

VN1X: cringe

Rudi von Starnberg: fucking

Rudi von Starnberg: cringe.

Mentazm: SHUTUPSHUTUP

Smitty: nyaaaaaargh

[PP]Steve: they're gonna show off TWD game

[PP]Steve: the other one

VN1X: why does he hold his mic like that

Earion: which one of these is kenny?

Rudi von Starnberg: hahaha

Mentazm: he be gangsta

Al Benicio: to be fair Obsidian are basically on 'technical' duties for SOuth Park since they aren't writing it

Smitty: ''hey they made a reference to something! *CHEER*

Comrade: Maybe the simplicity of South Park means that Obsidian can make a game that's only 30% gamebreaking bugs though.

Earion: halo 4 should fucking walk this.

[PP]Steve: thats my thought

Mentazm: i havent played any of these shootan gemez

Smitty: anyone else buffering

Hoot: fine here

[PP]Steve: black ops will win probably

Mentazm: i have bl2 but need to complete dlc on first before i start

[PP]Steve: its VGAs

Mentazm: BOOM!

distinguishthis: it's fine on my xbox

Mentazm: ncie

[PP]Steve: haha cool

Smitty: of course black ops will win

VN1X: borderlands 2 ?

VN1X: hm

VN1X: okay

[PP]Steve: halo 3 will win best studio

Al Benicio: rofl

Rudi von Starnberg: Randy Pitchfork

[PP]Steve: or best xbxo game

PK: is spec ops up for anything?

Rudi von Starnberg: 6.8 out of 10

Earion: also wins another five awards

[PP]Steve: I've been playing bordlernads 2 all night

[PP]Steve: man that game becomes a slog at the end

[PP]Steve: look at these dyes lol

Earion: randy pitchford looks fucking ridiculously greasy

[PP]Steve: oops dudes

VN1X: WOW ACTUAL people

Smitty: but how is Borderlands 2 as an actualy shooter?

VN1X: Actual fucking people on stage right now

Smitty: i mean seriously

[PP]Steve: its good man

Mentazm: is the fat guy or the nerdlinger pitchford?

[PP]Steve: it's a really good shooter

Smitty: i haven't played it

Hoot: some nice simon cowell trousers going on there

Earion: guy in the suit is pitchfork

Al Benicio: Borderlands 2 is a great game but as a shooter it's nowhere as good as Halo and Max payne

Mentazm: ah hes the used car salesman

[PP]Steve: that's true

[PP]Steve: it's very one note

Rudi von Starnberg: instant improvement

Al Benicio: just in pure combat i mean

Rudi von Starnberg: to the show

[PP]Steve: the shooting, that is

Earion: 100% better

Rudi von Starnberg: please don't make me hate you, Adam Scott

Smitty: yeah i mean how could borderlands win over Halo?

Earion: adam scott

[PP]Steve: I am jealous of this dude

Earion: in his best performance

Earion: since torque

Smitty: that's what i meant, morrius, the pure combat

Comrade: Parks and Recreation is too good for this show.

Mentazm: I wonder if adam scott will *akward look at camera*

[PP]Steve: because he gets to fake bang leslie knope

David: now you get to see the VGAs destroy Adam Scott for you

Smitty: i'm sure it's decent enough in its own context

PK: hl3

PK: this is hl3

[PP]Steve: BL2 is a great game smitty

Smitty: a celeb

Earion: half life 2 world premiere

[PP]Steve: HALF LIFE 3

PK: WORLD PERMIERE

Earion: remake

[PP]Steve: HELLO GORDON

Smitty: i don't pay attention to anything unless a celeb i saying it

[PP]Steve: ITS DOCTOR KLEINER

PK: RISE AND SHINE

Smitty: HEY IT'S UNFUNNY WRITING

PK: DOCTOR FREMAN

[PP]Steve: ok wtf is this

Rudi von Starnberg: Prosthetic arm

Earion: bionic commando?

Rudi von Starnberg: ?

Comrade: A UK hospital? NHS SIMULATOR MOTHERFUCKERS

[PP]Steve: wacky music

Smitty: who writes this shit?

Earion: new deus ex?

[PP]Steve: hmm

Rudi von Starnberg: Theme Hospital 2

[PP]Steve: this llooks interesting

Mentazm: HAHAH

[PP]Steve: will it be shit?

VN1X: ahhahahah

[PP]Steve: where are the robots?

VN1X: theme hopsital 2

Smitty: it is an NHS simulator

Earion: WHY CAN'T I MOVE MY BODY

Smitty: good call

VN1X: lololololol

PK: MANHUNT EIGHT

[PP]Steve: c'mon it still looks interesting SOMETHING IS WRONG

Mentazm: the entire game you have to CRAWL!

Earion: BE STEALTHY, CRAWLING MAN

Mentazm: its new molyneux

Mentazm: game

[PP]Steve: MGS4 the corridor: the game

Rudi von Starnberg: THIS IS THE HOUR

Mentazm: You stumble and crawl everywhere

Rudi von Starnberg: THIS IS HAPPENING

Earion: SOMETHING IS COMING

[PP]Steve: its mgs btw

[PP]Steve: mullet

Rudi von Starnberg: looks quite Snakey

Smitty: it's deffo an NHS simulator

Earion: yeah mgs is possible

PK: haha

Comrade: That kind of looks like Solid Snake's mullet

Earion: so much text

[PP]Steve: looks like a derren brown show

Earion: must be

PK: NHS Black Ops

[PP]Steve: this looks cool.

[PP]Steve: when does it get shit though

PK: National Health Solid

[PP]Steve: it's a videogame, when does it get shit

Mentazm: cool cut scene brau

Rudi von Starnberg: I dunno

Rudi von Starnberg: not sure on it being MGS

Smitty: lol NH Solid that's gold

[PP]Steve: where are the bad enemies

Smitty: yeah so far so bullshit cutscene

Earion: remake of sanitarium

Smitty: tpyical for the VGAs

Earion: darksiders 5

[PP]Steve: oh here we go

Comrade: Tory cuts have really fucked the hospitals

[PP]Steve: SONIC 6!

PK: this is all in-game but it won't be in a game

Earion: moby dick

Rudi von Starnberg: Okay

Rudi von Starnberg: well

[PP]Steve: ok wtf?

Earion: what the fuck

[PP]Steve: lol

Rudi von Starnberg: we didn't call that

Smitty: fuckin tories man

[PP]Steve: this looks fucking mad

[PP]Steve: I like it

Earion: what

distinguishthis: METAL GEAR

PK: Michael Moore Presents

Mentazm: not bad

Mentazm: looks awright

PK: NATIONAL HEALTH SOLID

VN1X: shut up hired audience

Smitty: METAL GEAR??!!?

[PP]Steve: OK quick everyone give me your score out of 10 for that wacky trailer

Earion: 6.8

Rudi von Starnberg: 6.8

PK: 5.4

VN1X: 6.8

Mentazm: 6

Comrade: ?!? out of 10

Smitty: it just tells you fuck all though

distinguishthis: 3

Al Benicio: Doritos/10

distinguishthis: so what was it

Smitty: i'd rather see 30 seconds of gameplay

Rudi von Starnberg: THE PHANTOM PAIN

Rudi von Starnberg: oh god they're doing this again

[PP]Steve: Mister Chafe character of the year

Mentazm: Wait for the doritos

[PP]Steve: button pusher extraordinarie

Mentazm: "want some dotirots?" *inside joke*

[PP]Steve: damn I can't type tonight

Comrade: You've got no arm, you have a mullet, the hospitals on fire - what more is there to know?

Mentazm: shadow

Smitty: http://i.imgur.com/VEjcA.jpg

Smitty: i keep repeating this to myself

Mentazm: haah

Rudi von Starnberg: They've got him up in the DJ box again

[PP]Steve: seriously a game as a fucked up amputee in a hospital ward sounds cool

distinguishthis: so seriously, what was that game

Rudi von Starnberg: the exact same role as deadmau5 last year

Rudi von Starnberg: 10 second bursts of music before ad breaks

Smitty: the quality of the cutscenes in Halo 4 is astonishing

Rudi von Starnberg: CHEVROLET

Smitty: hey a celeb

Mentazm: hahshshsh

Smitty: who?

Mentazm: what is this shit

VN1X: TOSHIBA.COM

VN1X: LEARN MORE

PK: i miss mac and cheese

Rudi von Starnberg: get used to that list, guys

Rudi von Starnberg: get used to it

[PP]Steve: I can't find anything on moby dick studios

Comrade: I take this to mean I can run my Chevrolet car on Doctor Pepper 10

Earion: oh god

Earion: tom cruise again

distinguishthis: what, no ads?

Rudi von Starnberg: get used to ALL OF THESE ADS

PK: jack reacher

Smitty: Doctor Peppar

Smitty: Peppar?

PK: is that a euphamism?

[PP]Steve: guys, they let the devs talk when they came on stage

distinguishthis: i haven't got any ads :(

Smitty: Pepper

Mentazm: muted ... stuck on wittertainment

Earion: tom cruise is the vgas

[PP]Steve: THIS IS HUGE!

VN1X: im wathching backstage now

PK: i'll give you a jack reacher

VN1X: its funny

Earion: blops

Earion: hooray

Comrade: I don't know if I want Dr Pepper 10 since I don't know what happened in Dr Peppers 1-9

Rudi von Starnberg: ETERNAL WAR

distinguishthis: no ads on the xbox stream

Rudi von Starnberg: I'M FROM FUCKING NICARAGUA AND I SAY KILL 'EM ALL

Earion: i swear they made a sequel to this just to use this song

[PP]Steve: You're missing some top ads

PK: they rebooted dr pepper for #10

distinguishthis: i wanted to see the ads more than anything

Smitty: VGA SLOGAN : Will you suffer with me?

distinguishthis: the irony

Rudi von Starnberg: that fine, fine hate amerikkka beat totally predominant

Smitty: Sponsored by BLOPS 2

distinguishthis: microsoft for ones not bombarding me with adverts

[PP]Steve: guys c'mon it's better than last year already

distinguishthis: ones?

distinguishthis: ONCE

[PP]Steve: last year they took an hour to get to the first award lol

PK: this has all been well and good

distinguishthis: oh god, I have to kill myself now

Rudi von Starnberg: It's Not For WOmen

[PP]Steve: dr pepper: it's not for jews

PK: but where the fuck is morrius

Earion: it's not for women

Smitty: fucking jews

PK: where is our prophet?

distinguishthis: morrius is steve

Comrade: K was too harsh on this game, I liked it.

PK: he has forsaken us

PK: in our hour of need

[PP]Steve: I'm coming home la lal a

Smitty: i don't think that was a real crown

Rudi von Starnberg: properly expecting Assassin's Creed 3 there

Smitty: hey rudi

Rudi von Starnberg: after the really weird trailer for the game with this song

[PP]Steve: MM-gay more like

Smitty: no joke that hate amerikka beat was sick

Earion: IT IS

Mentazm: #MANPUNCH

Earion: It's the best

Rudi von Starnberg: hahaha, yep

Smitty: i'm reading the forgotten history of the US at the moment (Oliver stone)

Earion: that fine, fine, hate amerikka beat

Smitty: and it's making me boil with fury

Rudi von Starnberg: I had the same thing with Killing Hope

Smitty: so yeah i need that fine beat up front

Earion: try killing hope

distinguishthis: "it looks sick, i want more of that game"

distinguishthis: i'm glad they read that tweet out

Smitty: yo i read killing hope about ten years ago

Smitty: no lie

Rudi von Starnberg: okay old man, keep your hair on

Smitty: america's bullshit has been my special topic for a long time

Rudi von Starnberg: Haha

VN1X: jesus

Smitty: this is a long break

[PP]Steve: Smitty you're just a good old slice of apple pie

VN1X: Twitter: The demise of us all

Rudi von Starnberg: All the breaks will be long

[PP]Steve: its mostly breaks

Rudi von Starnberg: and all the same ads

Earion: the breaks

distinguishthis: american ad breaks are ridiculous

Earion: all long

Rudi von Starnberg: the breaks are all bad

distinguishthis: i genuinely can't watch stuff in north america

VN1X: fuck breaks

distinguishthis: has to be recorded

[PP]Steve: I HEART VIDEOGAMES!

PK: spec ops is literally up for no awards at all

Smitty: yeah SMD it gives me a headache

Earion: oh god

Earion: skits

Mentazm: these are more like cinema ads

[PP]Steve: ah finally half life 3

Earion: one dude is dressed as mario

Earion: videogaaaaames

Comrade: HILARIOUS SKIT WARNING

distinguishthis: wot

Rudi von Starnberg: This is like a straight-to-DVD live action Wreck It Ralph cash-in

Smitty: so when are the ONLY PROPER GAME AWARDS on?

Mentazm: YAY!

Mentazm: THEY SHOT CLIFFY B!

Smitty: the developer ones?

Al Benicio: From what I can gather Spec Ops has made an impact on developers behind the scenes but for awards etc ? Not a chance

distinguishthis: cringe cringe cringe

[PP]Steve: lol

Rudi von Starnberg: oh for fuck's sake

[PP]Steve: spec ops is up for an award sort of

Smitty: oh yeah it's the GDC ones

Comrade: SIXTY THREE YEARS OLD

Smitty: when are the GDC awards on?

[PP]Steve: its up for a nolan north performance I think

Rudi von Starnberg: did they get tim buckley to write this

distinguishthis: this is so bad

Smitty: this is so awful i'm not paying any attention to it

[PP]Steve: wtf is going on here

Comrade: GDC is around April I think

PK: Benicio

[PP]Steve: american humour literally doesn't make sense

Mentazm: fuck this shit

Mentazm: hahahaha

Rudi von Starnberg: FUCK

PK: what impact has it made on developers behind the scenes?

[PP]Steve: lol

Rudi von Starnberg: FUCK

Rudi von Starnberg: FUCK

[PP]Steve: haha

[PP]Steve: SUDDENLY AMAZING

PK: what the FUCK

PK: LOL

Mentazm: ythis is funny suddfenly

Mentazm: yeah

distinguishthis: apparently the studio making that 'phantom pain' game doesn't exist

Smitty: yeah i can't find any info about them

[PP]Steve: yeah I couldn't find anything either

distinguishthis: and there are stills that look like solid snake

[PP]Steve: moby dick studios ?!

distinguishthis: TheScouseMouse: #VGAs http://t.co/FTfjJuvA http://t.co/C7jltORS Definitely Metal Gear related + Studio doesn't exist

Rudi von Starnberg: Hahaha

Rudi von Starnberg: okay

[PP]Steve: Wooo

[PP]Steve: (thats journey btw)

[PP]Steve: this is a lot better than last year, c'mon

PK: really?

Earion: nobody has been teabagged

[PP]Steve: yeah

Earion: so yes

PK: there's no mac and cheese

Rudi von Starnberg: they have an actual set this year, so I guess that's an improvement

Earion: it's better

Smitty: but morrius its still essentially terrible

distinguishthis: microsoft just asked which game do you want to see sam jackson in next

[PP]Steve: last year had some guy from a youtube meme shouting for five minutes

Smitty: i mean, the writing, the humour

distinguishthis: the three answers were halo 4, angry birds, minecraft

Earion: the telltale thing was okay

distinguishthis: i said angry birds

Comrade: That looks like a professional outfit for a violinist.

[PP]Steve: I'm guessing they had to make it a bit better in order for valve to show up and announce hl3

Smitty: Hey so this video is spoiling all the WD kills

Rudi von Starnberg: Yeah the Walking Dead skit was actually alright

Mentazm: the music in walking dead was pretty good

[PP]Steve: see if you can see gabe hiding backstage

distinguishthis: i'm not watching the walking dead stuff

distinguishthis: cos i haven't played it yet

Rudi von Starnberg: Wise

Mentazm: i really do need to play journey, give me an excuse to turn the ps3 on

Smitty: yeah i actually really liked some of the WD music

[PP]Steve: man, the journey soundtrack is incredible

Al Benicio: anyone here wanting to get Spec Ops on PC ?

Smitty: like i was humming it the next day

[PP]Steve: also, I want to sex that lady.

Rudi von Starnberg: morrius

Smitty: i've got Spec Ops on PC

[PP]Steve: not that one

[PP]Steve: lol

Rudi von Starnberg: keep it in your pants

VN1X: ew

Earion: why are

VN1X: LMAO

Earion: they

Earion: waving

VN1X: LOOK AT THEM GO

Earion: their fucking hands

Earion: just

Earion: fuck

VN1X: hired fucking audience I tell you

VN1X: it's all just so fucking cringeworthy

VN1X: fuck

Smitty: why was that little girl wearing an XXXtreme leather glove?

[PP]Steve: c'mon this bit is fine

distinguishthis: TheScouseMouse: #VGAs it's MGS related. http://t.co/g1zBtlUc from Ground Zeros trailer

Rudi von Starnberg: That's not the audience is it?

Rudi von Starnberg: It's just

VN1X: why don't they simply have a NORMAL audience

Comrade: If Mountain Dew's stock price doesn't increase enough over the evening they will murder the singing child

Mentazm: because tits

[PP]Steve: nice orchestral megamix of top game tunes? it's fiiiine

Rudi von Starnberg: people in the orchestra pit

Rudi von Starnberg: waving their hands

Earion: it'd be okay without the game noise

[PP]Steve: yeah true

VN1X: that was

[PP]Steve: POW SMASH PEW beautiful music

VN1X: truly

VN1X: terrible

Smitty: yeah they should have done the music without the videos

Mentazm: stop reffering to yourself in the third person twat

Smitty: but of course they have to overdo everything

Rudi von Starnberg: His

Rudi von Starnberg: fucking

Rudi von Starnberg: hair

[PP]Steve: what on earth is she wearing

Mentazm: what has chuck done

[PP]Steve: wesker costume

VN1X: whoooooooo

Rudi von Starnberg: The nerd culture

VN1X: cheer!

Earion: what hath chuck wrought

VN1X: nerds! whooooooooo!

Smitty: fuck off arsehole

Rudi von Starnberg: nerdolution

Mentazm: hahah

Rudi von Starnberg: join

Rudi von Starnberg: the

Rudi von Starnberg: nerdolution

Rudi von Starnberg: fucking

Rudi von Starnberg: FUCK

Hoot: where do I sign

Mentazm: WE ARE NERDS WE ARE PROUD TO BE PLAYING GAMES LIKE EVERY FUCKING ONE ELSE

[PP]Steve: TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHIBA

PK: OI TOSH

VN1X: SHUT UP

Comrade: Instead of wearing a nice dress on TV, just cut some holes in a bin bag

Smitty: i want to buy a toshiba laptop and some dr pepper

Earion: okay cool

PK: GOT A TOSHIBA?

Earion: last of us

VN1X: hahahahah

VN1X: what is hits

Earion: then i fucking leave

VN1X: WHERE ARE THE GAMES

[PP]Steve: last of us better be good

Rudi von Starnberg: ADS AGAIN

Mentazm: whaat is this cheesy house shite

[PP]Steve: YES MORE ADS

VN1X: Wjere are tje VOIDEO GAMES AWARDS?!

[PP]Steve: my favourite

Mentazm: get some twerk on

[PP]Steve: the same ads! even better

Mentazm: more ads

Mentazm: really?

PK: jack reacher

[PP]Steve: Jack Reacharound

PK: i'll give you a fucking jack reacher

Smitty: he's a great character

Comrade: The awkward cut to WILL RETURN SHORTLY is the funniest thing this evening

Smitty: (honest)

VN1X: Adverts: The Videya Gamez

Rudi von Starnberg: I told you, guys

Rudi von Starnberg: always the same ads

[PP]Steve: is blops2 any good btw

Rudi von Starnberg: I told you about ads

Smitty: WILL YOU SUFFER WITH ME

Comrade: If Zoo says it, it must be true

[PP]Steve: they will change after the first hour

VN1X: lol

Rudi von Starnberg: BLOPS 2 was literally promoted by a war criminal

Smitty: that phantom pain being an MGS weird viral thing makes sense

Mentazm: what time is this on till?

Smitty: it would explain why the studio has no interenet preseence

[PP]Steve: yeah moby dick studio sounds like a kojima joke to me

Comrade: "The Phantom Pain" definitely sounds like an MGS boss.

Earion: that's totally a kojima thing to do

[PP]Steve: MOBY DICK, DID YOU RIKE IT?!

distinguishthis: apparently they already refer to phantoms

distinguishthis: TheScouseMouse: #VGAs it's MGS related. http://t.co/g1zBtlUc from Ground Zeros trailer

Rudi von Starnberg: morrius

Mentazm: knackered

Mentazm: gonna crash

Mentazm: nn all

Rudi von Starnberg: we're just about tolerating the male gazing

VN1X: nn

Smitty: pussy!

Rudi von Starnberg: try not to slip into ironic racism

distinguishthis: skyrim won best dlc

Mentazm: i will pray for HL3

PK: you're going to miss the HL3 announcement

Smitty: you had better son

Mentazm: later

Mentazm left chat.

[PP]Steve: It's not racism! That's what he says quite a lot, when he does wacky Kojima trailers.

PK: literally the first thing they mentioned on the red carpet shite was portal 2

PK: therefore hl3 confirmed

Smitty: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phantom_pain

distinguishthis: it's MGS 5 isn't it?

[PP]Steve: it does look like MGS engine

PK: ?

Comrade: Maybe Samuel L Jackson is the new Alyx, and the entire show is actually being rendered in the new, photo-realistic Source engine 2

Smitty: oh man on a serious note just IMAGINE how good Source Engine 2 looks

distinguishthis: I hope it supports the Wii

Smitty: given how scalable Source was, i imagine it will

PK: clem

PK: character of the year

PK: easily

Comrade: God, Connor is the most boring person in history

Rudi von Starnberg: I really hate this sort of stuff

Smitty: @hulkgamecrit : FUCKK CONNOR

[PP]Steve: connor is insanely boring!

Rudi von Starnberg: imagine if the Oscars had the actors in character

Rudi von Starnberg: talking about the awards

Comrade: Everyone else is doing some kind of joke, but Connor is so boring that he is incapable of humour

Smitty: haha

VN1X: that guy looks like he is about to die

VN1X: OH FUCK

VN1X: again with the waving

VN1X: jesus

Smitty: wow they're not playing videos over it

Earion: COUNTDOWN

Smitty: genuinely impressed

[PP]Steve: five seconds until it becomes dubstep

Earion: GET HYPE

Earion: GET HYPE

PK: haha

Hoot: he should bust in to the final countdown

Smitty: this seems nice enough

PK: BOARRRMM WOB WOB WOB WOB

[PP]Steve: the countdiown so people don't turn it off lol

[PP]Steve: spike tv folks

Comrade: DON'T WORRY THIS BORING-ASS MUSIC WILL BE OVER IN 20 SECONDS BROS

Smitty: yay censorship

[PP]Steve: they should call the game 'the only reason you haven't sold your ps3 yet'

Rudi von Starnberg: ps3

Rudi von Starnberg: has no

Rudi von Starnberg: games

Rudi von Starnberg: here all decade, folks

PK: why are they making this for current gen?

Comrade: Can't wait for The Last Guardian on the PS12

Smitty: dem graphics

VN1X: jesus

[PP]Steve: btw this is what the uncharted 2 guys made while all the work experience kids hacked together uncharted 3

VN1X: holy fuck

Rudi von Starnberg: It does look really lovely

Smitty: because both consoles are still producing superb graphics PK

VN1X: WHO NEEDS NEXT GEN?

VN1X: oh wtf this twat?1

Earion: Man, so hype.

Smitty: URRRGH this fat boil

PK: but at shoddy framerates surely?

Earion: my dad is deeeeeeeeeeeead

Smitty: wow GREAT DELIVERY JACK

Rudi von Starnberg: READ THE AUTOCUE BETTER

Rudi von Starnberg: YOU FUCKING PRICK

[PP]Steve: lol

Smitty: PK i can guarentee you the last of us will look amazing

[PP]Steve: I hope the sequel runs above 20fps

PK: yeah it definitely will

PK: like FC3 does

Smitty: FC3 is an open world game

Smitty: and it's one the 360

PK: but current gen will struggle though won't it?

Smitty: the PS3 has more juice, and last of us is much more closed off i'd imagine

Smitty: i mean, uncharted 3 (crap) doesn't have any performance issues that i could see

PK: i dunno, it just seems like a really amazing looking game that will chug along on old h/w

Smitty: is this a castlevania?

[PP]Steve: it runs fine, they've shown off gameplay before now

Smitty: oh it is

Comrade: Who's that doing the voice of Dracula, it sounds familar

PK: whereas if they left it a while it'd be a fucking incredible first game for a new platform

Hoot: ham-fest

Al Benicio: probably robert carlyle again Comrade

[PP]Steve: does anyone else think the halo4 music sounds like the x files music for about one second at the start

Rudi von Starnberg: gonna AI

[PP]Steve: to be fair this makes as much sense as the real halo 4

Rudi von Starnberg: my foot

Rudi von Starnberg: up your ass

Earion: the return

Earion: of snoop lion

Rudi von Starnberg: LL Cool J was better

Smitty: of course, Jessica Alba

Rudi von Starnberg: statues?

Earion: what is happening

distinguishthis: what are these statues

Rudi von Starnberg: statues.

VN1X: oh god

Rudi von Starnberg: getting another drink

[PP]Steve: prizes for a gamestop campaign

VN1X: OH GAWD

Rudi von Starnberg: i need another drink

Earion: sandy work here

Smitty: why is it that the VGAs can't hire one decent writer?

Comrade: Eurogamer had a nice preview of Bioshock Infinite

Earion: you a cop

Earion: how about the inside of an ambulance

Earion: he knows what i did

[PP]Steve: so guys do you think this phantom pain thing is really mgs then? I'm feeling that theory

Comrade: Tom Cruise is the least gritty and physically threatening man alive

Earion: yeah it seems pretty goddam kojima to pull that

Smitty: guys you heard about this Black Ops game? it's a small indie title

Earion: this is the ac/dc tie in game right

[PP]Steve: WAR IS FUN

Earion: like

Earion: the sequel to ac/dc rockbadn

Smitty: Comrade, he was scary business in Collaterrol

Smitty: i can't spell lol

PK: dr pepper 10 is no kraft mac & cheese

Smitty: haha

Al Benicio: He was intense in Collateral but he wasn't really scary or imposing though

distinguishthis: TheScouseMouse: Moby Dick Studios was founded by Joakim. Which is an anagram of Kojima. #VGAs

Smitty: i miss mac and cheese

[PP]Steve: Good shout

PK: GAMER FUEL

Al Benicio: Reachers a big imposing bastard with his size being a big part of the books

Smitty: i found him scary, he felt like a real, lethal professional

Earion: bring back las vegas

Smitty: like, you wouldn't want him on your tail

Comrade: Yeah, in Colattoral (I can't spell it either) he was like a robot. Not gritty and good-looking-rebel-who-plays-by-his-own-rules.

Smitty: anyhow...

Al Benicio: not saying the film will be bad but he doesnt really suit Reachers character

Comrade: Still great though

[PP]Steve: its MGSsomething isn't it, I'm sure of it. Really surprised Kojima didn't pop up at the end of the trailer to be honest

distinguishthis: TheScouseMouse: Also Psycho Mantis? http://t.co/IpykBN7L #VGAs

Earion: Kojima was talking about Ground Zeroes not being the real MGS5 which was still coming

Smitty: i still think Reacher should be played a 6 foot 5 fucking brawler

Smitty: not a muscle mary, but stacked

Al Benicio: who would you want in th role ?

[PP]Steve: guys

[PP]Steve: http://i.imgur.com/dh7PH.jpg

Rudi von Starnberg: I'M BACK GUYS did I miss anyth-

[PP]Steve: its fucking psycho mantis look

Smitty: well all the supernatural stuff seems vaguely MGS

Earion: this looks like the fucking dumbest website

distinguishthis: i just pasted that!

Smitty: somoene like Psycho mantis

[PP]Steve: I'm actually less interested now lol

Comrade: How long is this show anyway?

[PP]Steve: wish kojima would do something new

PK: backstage looks well exciting

PK: screenshots of twitter

Comrade: One-armed hospital fire crawler not new enough for you?

[PP]Steve: it won't be though, will it.

distinguishthis: i don't mind a new metal gear

Smitty: extremely tired of metal gear

Rudi von Starnberg: There's another Sin City film?

Earion: wait they're making another sin city

Smitty: soon rudi

distinguishthis: metal gear solid 4 came out in 2008?

Smitty: it was on hold for like 8 fucking years or something

VN1X: omfg

[PP]Steve: it'll be another mgs game made of mostly bad cutscenes and weird mechanics. However if it IS something new, smaller, disconnected from the mad MGS mythology to some extent instead of endless fan service, I might be interested!

Comrade: Jessica Alba! 2003's hottest lady!

VN1X: THEY ARE HIRED HELP

VN1X: idiot

Rudi von Starnberg: SHE IS ALLUDING TO SEX

Smitty: hmmm

Hoot: hussy

Earion: mushrooms

VN1X: even her neck and bust has been make-uped

Comrade: This is totally a true life story

VN1X: have*

Al Benicio: of course you did Jessica

[PP]Steve: she could have at least done her hair

Earion: and souly?

Rudi von Starnberg: Guys listen, Mario literally changed her life

[PP]Steve: I hope this is the dark mario reimagining

Rudi von Starnberg: Dark Souls

[PP]Steve: mario: underworld

Comrade: OH GOD ITS DARK AND BRUTAL;

distinguishthis: she looks like she's had a train run on her

[PP]Steve: man hl3 looks weird

Rudi von Starnberg: haha

distinguishthis: this is angry birds elder scrolls

[PP]Steve: I think I know what this is

VN1X: tell us steve

[PP]Steve: crytek RPG

[PP]Steve: which was a kinect game, and then wasn't

[PP]Steve: maybe

distinguishthis: final fantasy

VN1X: hm

Rudi von Starnberg: it's the new football manager

Comrade: She just said it was a sequel

distinguishthis: what, final fantasy isn't a sequel now

[PP]Steve: dragons dogma 2?! :S

Rudi von Starnberg: Dragon Age 3

[PP]Steve: oh good shout

Comrade: Yeah DA3, I bet

distinguishthis: if it's DA3, my missus will be all over that

Rudi von Starnberg: Dark Souls 2

[PP]Steve: YES

[PP]Steve: FUCK MY NUTS!

distinguishthis: oh wow

[PP]Steve: Vga delivers!

distinguishthis: that looks epic

Al Benicio: go on my son

Rudi von Starnberg: gooooood autocue

Comrade: Jessica Alba definitely loves ultra-hardcore games like Dark Souls

distinguishthis: http://i.minus.com/i5Uj8OkqxdhUR.gif

VN1X: lmao

Comrade: I'd say DIshonoured (YES WITH A U IN IT) out of those

distinguishthis: Mega Man 2 is coming up

Smitty: what was the award?

Comrade: Oh, I was right

Rudi von Starnberg: 'Best Action-Adventure'

distinguishthis: Dr Wily's theme

distinguishthis: can't wait

Rudi von Starnberg: Dishonored doesn't interest me for some reason

Smitty: the awards are hideous

Al Benicio: cause you're a bad person Rudi thats why

Comrade: Best fire extinguisher award

[PP]Steve: I didn't love it Rudi

[PP]Steve: it was OK.

Rudi von Starnberg: I've heard pretty negative things from friends, honestly

Earion: stephen tortilla chips

Smitty: everyone should probably just play FC3 instead

Rudi von Starnberg: Probably yeah

Smitty: it's very 'gamey'

Comrade: It's Stephen Totilo from Incompetance!

distinguishthis: i'll play them next year, likely

[PP]Steve: Art style is nice, world building is great, gameplay felt broad but shallow, none of it really added up in the end

Earion: kotaku means

VN1X: ""it looks amazing"

Earion: bad journalism

VN1X: It was CGI

VN1X: idiots

Al Benicio: lol theres that twat satterfield

[PP]Steve: Far Cry 3 is mental, it shouldn't work, it really shouldn't but it does

distinguishthis: i thought far cry 3 was insane?

distinguishthis: *gets coat*

Smitty: high quality journalism from tortillio there

[PP]Steve: it is, it's incredible!

Al Benicio: apparently Walking Dead shouldnt win a GOTY award as it cost less than Assassins Creed 3 to make

Comrade: Bin Liner lady loves Castlevania!

Smitty: ARE YOU A COP

[PP]Steve: Tom Cruise is the last boss in dark souls 2

Rudi von Starnberg: JACK REACHER

Rudi von Starnberg: IS A GHOST

Rudi von Starnberg: IRAQ

Rudi von Starnberg: AFGHANISTAN

Rudi von Starnberg: GUATEMALA

Smitty: IRAN

Rudi von Starnberg: URUGUAY

[PP]Steve: FIVE FEET OF PURE POWER

Rudi von Starnberg: EL SALVADOR

PK: MY HAND

Comrade: You can switch to the stupid "All Access" feed for the ads!

Rudi von Starnberg: PANAMA

Smitty: EL SAVADOR AGAIN

Smitty: CUBA

Rudi von Starnberg: it's like

Rudi von Starnberg: that film Red

Smitty: oh man, long list Rudi

Rudi von Starnberg: Bruce Willis' character is said to have 'toppled governments'

Rudi von Starnberg: as a positive

VN1X: fuck this

VN1X: nn everyone

VN1X: its 4am down here

[PP]Steve: who's the girl on the left, I don't recognise her but feel like I've heard her voice on a podcast or something

Comrade: No HL3 for you!

Smitty: remember that part of Kiling Hope where all the countries the US has invaded since WW2?

VN1X: mehhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Smitty: unbeliveable

Rudi von Starnberg: Fucking Dutch, can't trust them

VN1X: ok have fun everyoen

Rudi von Starnberg: NIGHT

Smitty: pussies

VN1X disconnected.

Comrade: It said where she was from on the screen but I didn't recognise it

Smitty: it's only 3AM

Rudi von Starnberg: yeah

Rudi von Starnberg: I'm in this for the long haul

[PP]Steve: HL3 will announce right after gordon freemand wins character of the decade

distinguishthis: I'm struggling here

Comrade: I'm fairly sure this guy's wavy hair and soul-patch combination counts as a war crime

[PP]Steve: *freeman

distinguishthis: I want to hold on for the massive anticlimax at the end

Al Benicio: jesus fuck who is this incredibly annoying woman on the all access live feed

Rudi von Starnberg: The VGAs are about the soul-crushing disappointment

[PP]Steve: yup

Hoot disconnected.

[PP]Steve: and the mac and cheese

Smitty: fuck you hoot

Comrade: The VGAs are disappoint made in solid form

Rudi von Starnberg: WE'RE HAEMHORRAGING PEOPLE

Comrade: WE'LL KEEP TRUE FAITH ALIVE

PK: who is the guy

PK: with the WWF belt

[PP]Steve: which guy pk

Comrade: WILY STAGE MOTHERFUCKERS

Smitty: here we go

distinguishthis: I AM MEGA MAN

distinguishthis: HERE'S MY MEGA PLAN

distinguishthis: YOU DIE

Rudi von Starnberg: The VGA thing

Rudi von Starnberg: just looks

Rudi von Starnberg: so awful

Earion: nine inch nailllls

Earion: oh

Comrade: Maybe actual-real-life war criminal Oliver North will be the character of the year

[PP]Steve: black ops looks like a third person puzzle game from 1995

Smitty: why do they censor everything?

Earion: oh hey

[PP]Steve: no age gate on the stream smitty

Earion: warfighter exists

distinguishthis: look at me, hector

Smitty: no-one played Medal of Honor: Warfighter

[PP]Steve: LOL

Smitty: OMG GENUINE MILITARY BILGE

Earion: hahaha

Comrade: It censored because it's shown on US TV.

Earion: linkin parks

Earion: lincoln parks

[PP]Steve: I'D RATHER EAT MY OWN EYES

Smitty: they just shoe-horned in a SUPPORT R TROOPS

Rudi von Starnberg: Black Ops 3 will be a hidden object adventure game where you plant evidence in suspected communists' apartments as part of COINTELPRO

Rudi von Starnberg: it will have a zombie mode

distinguishthis: okay, linkin park have killed my will to see this through

distinguishthis: g'night guys

distinguishthis left chat.

Smitty: rudi, on that note, i highly recommend Enemies: A History of the FBI

Comrade: I can't wait for next year's Medal Of Honor: MANSHOOTER

Rudi von Starnberg: I'll put it on the list

Comrade: Wimp

Smitty: it's by tim weiner who did the CIA book Legacy of Ashes

Smitty: it's a fucking huge epic about the FBI

Rudi von Starnberg: Haha, okay.

[PP]Steve: Lol this sounds funny

[PP]Steve: this song, I mean

Smitty: oh also: LEGACY OF ASHES

Earion: god

Rudi von Starnberg: "I'm only a crack in this castle of glass"?

Earion: this doesn't work at all as a harmony

[PP]Steve: it's like a little nursery rhyme thing

PK: 1 min 30 seconds before skrillex appears

Smitty: there's loads of COINTEL PRO

Rudi von Starnberg: bringing his rude boy bass samples

Smitty: it's a lot worse than i ever knew

Comrade: I don't know what's more offensive, the horrible adulation of the military, or the fact that they're doing it through the medium of Medal of Honor and Linkin Park

Smitty: i'd read about it before but not in any great detail

Rudi von Starnberg: Ever since I read American Tabloid I basically assume the worst of the FBI/CIA

PK: it'll all build up to a crescendo

Rudi von Starnberg: even though that was ridiculous over the top fiction

PK: and then Clem will say "Thank you"

Rudi von Starnberg: Hahaha

PK: BOOM WARB WARB WARB

[PP]Steve: #forlinkinpark

Smitty: this song is awful

Smitty: jesus

[PP]Steve: this is so so so so so bad

[PP]Steve: is this a real song

Earion: autotunnnne

PK: what's the wristband stuff about

Earion: there's chester bennington

Earion: trying to digest his eyes

PK: are they all "journalists"?

[PP]Steve: sounds like a homeless person singing a peter gabriel song badly

Comrade: Everyone there is totally genuinely enjoying this. Look at them wave their flashing armbands!

Al Benicio: craaaaaaawling in my skin, this song it can't be real

Earion: gaming

Earion: GAMING

Rudi von Starnberg: such as

Rudi von Starnberg: Treyarch

PK: everyone's done a fucking massive line of doritos before they're let in

Smitty: shitarch

PK: with a mountain dew chaser

Rudi von Starnberg: uncut dope

[PP]Steve: to be fair, putting journey in the GOTY category is pretty cool

PK: mark of the ninja

[PP]Steve: not that it'll win, cos it'll win this one

Smitty: is Dust any good?

PK: seriously

Earion: Dust Is The Biggest Anime

Earion: There's a good game in there

Rudi von Starnberg: MOTN is pretty ace

Earion: but you've really gotta fucking push past the anime

[PP]Steve: played the demo, too furry for me

[PP]Steve: MOTN is fantastic

PK: motn is amazing

Rudi von Starnberg: Journey

Rudi von Starnberg: yep

PK: yes

[PP]Steve: there we go see told you

Earion: because

PK: good win

Earion: it's nominated for game of the year

Al Benicio: Journey aka Walking The Game

Rudi von Starnberg: Best PS3 game, huh

PK: best ps3 game!

PK: wicked

Comrade: Fez wins and picks up the award in five years, and then it turns out that he took a shit on the stage when he picked it up and he refuses to pay the fee to have the shit cleaned up

Earion: it's the only exclusive nominated for best ps3 game i think

[PP]Steve: I think it's the only PS3 exclusive this year apart from Sony smash brothers haha

[PP]Steve: joyrex on the left

Rudi von Starnberg: Hahaha

Rudi von Starnberg: he's lost the beard

Smitty: HAHAHAHAHAHA

[PP]Steve: ah hang on, he's smiling :D

Smitty: the other guy is a mute videogame protoganist

Rudi von Starnberg: Hahaha

Smitty: it's cool that journey won

[PP]Steve: yes

Comrade: FUCK YOU JENOVA CHEN

Smitty: let's not grumble too much

PK: i want that scarf

[PP]Steve: journey, great game, great choice, great win

Smitty: i haven't played it

Smitty: mind

[PP]Steve: you can buy them on etsy :)

PK: play it

PK: immediately

[PP]Steve: yes, do

[PP]Steve: and now, gabe newell!

Rudi von Starnberg: and now, ADS

Smitty: i don't have a PS3

[PP]Steve: oh no it's a disco ball

Smitty: RICHOCHET 2!

PK: AND NOW

PK: HALF LIFE 3

Comrade: Is the DJ wearing a noose?

Chernobyl Kinsman has been invited to chat.

[PP]Steve: 0switch to all access

Adam Curtis has been invited to chat.

Chernobyl Kinsman entered chat.

Adam Curtis entered chat.

Smitty:

Rudi von Starnberg: HOW ABOUT

Rudi von Starnberg: THE INSIDE

Rudi von Starnberg: OF AN AMBULANCE

[PP]Steve: this is terrible, but it is a bit better than last year. that's not saying much, but at least it didn't get worse.

Comrade: Im not sure if watching Stephen Totilo is better than watching the same ads for the sixth time

Smitty: Korea and China 1950-53 (Korean War)

Guatemala 1954

Indonesia 1958

Cuba 1959-1961

Guatemala 1960

Congo 1964

Laos 1964-73

Vietnam 1961-73

Cambodia 1969-70

Guatemala 1967-69

Grenada 1983

Lebanon 1983, 1984 (both Lebanese and Syrian targets)

Libya 1986

El Salvador 1980s

Nicaragua 1980s

Iran 1987

Panama 1989

Iraq 1991 (Persian Gulf War)

Kuwait 1991

Somalia 1993

Bosnia 1994, 1995

Sudan 1998

Afghanistan 1998

Yugoslavia 1999

Yemen 2002

Iraq 1991-2003 (US/UK on regular basis)

Iraq 2003-present

Afghanistan 2001-present

Pakistan 2007-present

Somalia 2007-8, 2011

Yemen 2009, 2011

Libya 2011

PK: at least last year we had an incredibly vague, desperate belief that HL3 might be announced

Comrade: ?

PK: and mac and cheese

[PP]Steve: thanks smitty

[PP]Steve: those are the nomations for VGA AWARD BEST COUNTRY 2012

PK: lol

PK: VGA BEST CONFLICTS

Adam Curtis: I read killing hope too

Comrade: I believe the catagory is actiually 2012 MOST CRUCIAL TERRITORY

[PP]Steve: I bought the new tomb raider for £18

Smitty: kinda grates seeing blops2 so much

[PP]Steve: lol

[PP]Steve: MOST BODACIOUS GROUND CONFLICT

Smitty: WOAH the Adam Curtis, legendary documentary producer?

Adam Curtis: This is a story about how I really am Adam Curtis

Rudi von Starnberg: well I'm convinced

Smitty: adam curtis should do a three hour documentary on the VGAs

Earion: me too

Rudi von Starnberg: that's spot on

Comrade: All Watched Over blah blah was a disappointment, but I still believe

Earion: so

Earion: how about them

Earion: metal gears

[PP]Steve: lol

Earion: you've heard about them right

Rudi von Starnberg: you know what I'm disappointed about this year

Comrade: An Adam Curtis VG doc would be by far the bleakest he's made

[PP]Steve: they just announced cliffyb as the tony stark of videogames

Earion: on your internets

Rudi von Starnberg: the ads aren't over-the-top awful

[PP]Steve: that's pretty funny

Smitty: exactly comrade

Rudi von Starnberg: there's no LAAAAS VEEEEGAAAAAS

Comrade: VGA even

PK: rudi

[PP]Steve: no mac and cheese either :(

PK: do you fancy a jack reacher

Rudi von Starnberg: ooooh matron

Smitty: mac and cheese lives on in our hearts

PK: i'll jack your reacher

Rudi von Starnberg: Game Room Hook Up Code

Smitty: that's probably literally true if you eat it

Rudi von Starnberg: His

Rudi von Starnberg: fucking

Rudi von Starnberg: beard

[PP]Steve: wow, this ign guy

Smitty: shave your stupid beard off

PK: what the fuck is that

Comrade: Bin Liner lady looking good next to that beard

PK: on his chin

Rudi von Starnberg: He is literally a goat

Earion: how did it get so pointy

[PP]Steve: smitty, imagine eating his beard while he was still wearing it

PK: that's the only known cure for smoking

PK: growing a fucking beard like that

PK: you simply can't risk it

[PP]Steve: It's mesmerising

Adam Curtis: I'm putting together a team to kill that guy

Comrade: It's not a beard, it's actually hundreds of very thin tumours

Earion: oh god

Rudi von Starnberg: vgalive.spike.com is not the address

Smitty: all of these men are deeply unattractive

[PP]Steve: do you think he's hiding a crowbar in it

Earion: marlon's back

Rudi von Starnberg: TALK ABOUT YOUR PUBES AGAIN

Smitty: wow he's just pimping his shit film

Earion: snoop doggy liooooooooon

Comrade: I didn't think the Wayans got even this shit

PK: when did he change his name to lion?

[PP]Steve: everyone will be confrused in a sec

Earion: this year

Smitty: WOW FUNNY JOKE ABOUT SNOOP SMOKING

[PP]Steve: snoops going to come out and do reggae

Earion: he's a reggae guy now

Smitty: hmmm

Adam Curtis: he does reggae

Smitty: go away wayans

Rudi von Starnberg: is that the iron throne

Comrade: I thought Snoop Lion was just a name for a reggae album, but apparently it's just his name now?

Adam Curtis: slappa de bass

[PP]Steve: yeah it's his name now

[PP]Steve: the connection to videogames is that gamers like to smoke drugs

[PP]Steve: it's topical

Smitty: snoop dogg is SO STREET

[PP]Steve: it's really really shit reggae btw

[PP]Steve: listened to it on guardian website a while ago

Smitty: why is this cool with the hip hop crowd?

Comrade: DFS doing some pretty out there sofas now

Rudi von Starnberg: Does he actually need support to stand

Smitty: like it's all supposedly about being genuine

Rudi von Starnberg: He did actually call them the BGAs

Smitty: but this guy is the biggest corporate whore ever

Smitty: he'd promote a fucking tampon

[PP]Steve: lol tekken tag tournament 2

Rudi von Starnberg: a comfy pal who says never mind

[PP]Steve: oh god

Smitty: corporate types love this shit

PK: why has he changed his name to lion

[PP]Steve: bad ac3 DLC

Adam Curtis: bring back wayan

Smitty: they think its cool

Smitty: he's an idiot

Smitty: @PK

PK: ah

Earion: what if

Comrade: What if... America was actually run by cunts?

Rudi von Starnberg: so

PK: a rastafarijut

Rudi von Starnberg: America

Smitty: what if I GAVE A SHIT ABOUT ASS CREED

Rudi von Starnberg: then

Earion: america was run by a bunch of warmongering shitheads

[PP]Steve: I hope 'alternate history evil leader' isn't the new 'zombies'

PK: isn't this game incredibly shite?

PK: and buggy as fuck?

Rudi von Starnberg: what if George Washington had been a bourgeois power-seeking imperialist instead of...

Rudi von Starnberg: oh wait

Smitty: tonights reading list is A People's History of the United States, Enemies, Killing Hope and the Untold History of America

Rudi von Starnberg: hahahaha

Comrade: I ike the fact that the game went out of its way to show that Washington was pretty incompetant, BUT NOW HE IS A DICTATOR

Adam Curtis: look at all the checkered shirts

[PP]Steve: smitty you're getting politics in my LASS VEGASSS

PK: er

PK: ER

PK: ERRRR

Smitty: it's all the US propoganda morrius

Smitty: just annoys me

Comrade: Garrus is too good for this shit

Smitty: anyways

PK: er what the fuck

Adam Curtis: Hi I'm commander shepard and FUUUUUUCK

Rudi von Starnberg: man

Rudi von Starnberg: garrus is really bad at the multiplayer

Smitty: this twit is in Thor?

Smitty: i've been put off

PK: Hi i'm commander shephard and I drink dr pepper 10

Comrade: The early 90s want their hair back

[PP]Steve: yeah he's playing thor

Rudi von Starnberg: what's he doing with his voice

[PP]Steve: that's why he's dyed his hair

Smitty: HAHAHAA morrius

Earion: shut up zach levi

Comrade: This isn't Thor, it's the guy from Chuck

Earion: you've talked for too long

[PP]Steve: amazing spiderman was SO good they thought they'd repeat their success

Adam Curtis: he's got the physique for it

[PP]Steve: and reboot a film which only just came out

Rudi von Starnberg: HEY GUYS

Earion: okay

Rudi von Starnberg: A GAME THING

Earion: gears judgement

Earion: onwards

[PP]Steve: Gears of war 4: diminishing returns

Smitty: this guy is really annoying

PK: gabe

PK: in a tuxedo

PK: right now

Comrade: The game we're getting instead of Bulletstorm 2

Al Benicio: Ugh People Can Fly are too good for this shite

PK: will save everything

[PP]Steve: god damn it Epic.

Rudi von Starnberg: RIP DOM

Rudi von Starnberg: TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD

Smitty: RIP Dom's wife more like

PK: bulletstorm 2 please

Rudi von Starnberg: get with the times Smitty

Comrade: "The Locust Onslaught" is a rather clumsy phrase

Smitty: some actual gameplay

[PP]Steve: Hey looks, it looks exactly like gears of war

Rudi von Starnberg: Dom's dead, baby

Rudi von Starnberg: mad worlding it

Rudi von Starnberg: in an exploding truck

Smitty: morrius is so rude

[PP]Steve: kojima just happens to be there!

Smitty: kojima is there

Adam Curtis: Are they trapped in those tables? Looked a bit tight

Comrade: I'm holding out for a level where you play as Maria

Adam Curtis: Sorry Hideo you can't leave

Rudi von Starnberg: HOW ABOUT

Rudi von Starnberg: THE INSIDE

Rudi von Starnberg: OF AN

Rudi von Starnberg: asdgituytaesthased;

Smitty: comrade, Maria DLC

PK: bulletstorm was spec ops without 50k word essays

Comrade: Is game of the decade from 2002-2012? Because that's a bit weird.

Rudi von Starnberg: Use of Drugs.

[PP]Steve: (not being racist) I really hope it cuts to kojima and he does his 'did you rike it' line again. it's been a long time, too long. haven't heard that one since the assassin's creed/MGS4 crossover

Comrade: Maria DLC? Yeesssssssss

Smitty: bulletstorm was great, no-one is denying that

[PP]Steve: half lfie 2 is up for game of the decade btw

Smitty: i'd swap more bulletstorm for a hundred COD games

PK: bulletstorm was an amazing piece of satire

Smitty: morrius stop planting that seed

Comrade: This man on the all access feed looks like he should be a monk

[PP]Steve: no I'm just saying cos they haven't said it yet!

PK: i want to see gave

PK: gabe

PK: in the UFC hexagon

[PP]Steve: lol

Comrade: You realise Morrius that if you ever accidentally leak your address onto the forum at least one of us will break into your house because HL3 is never coming out

PK: or whatever shape it is

PK: just destroy everyone

[PP]Steve: you guys can come round and have a beer any time! :D

[PP]Steve: but the only person who I know lives nearby is Zok, and he's scary

PK: then rip open his shirt revealing a massive 3

PK: tattoo

Comrade: That tweet was well worth it

Rudi von Starnberg: Exclusive Valve announcement:

Rudi von Starnberg: Dota 3

Adam Curtis: hey, angry videogame nerd

[PP]Steve: I think Valve will have their own presser at E3 next year and announce the peripherals, the steambox, some other shit and HL3 at the end.

Comrade: VALVE ANNOUNCEMENT: They have aquired the rights to Duke Nukem Forever 2!

Rudi von Starnberg: i would totally be up for dota 3

[PP]Steve: urgh

[PP]Steve: I'm going to try and learn to play dota 2

Smitty: seriously though it's so fucking shit about the silence over HL3 :(

Smitty: it's so hard waiting

Smitty: five years!

[PP]Steve: yes I get hard just thinking about it too

Comrade: We all do

PK: i can hardly walk

[PP]Steve: err I mean, sorry, misread that

PK: i'm that hard

PK: thinking of hl3

[PP]Steve: hey guys I was listening to a bioshock infinite thing on a podcast today

Rudi von Starnberg: the punchline

Rudi von Starnberg: is violence

[PP]Steve: it sounds pretty great.

Earion: the punchlines

Earion: all bad

Comrade: Which podcast?

Smitty: she's a WOMAN

[PP]Steve: weekend confirmed

Smitty: they should have stuck with the old lara voice

Smitty: you will all LAUGH AT ME

Rudi von Starnberg: She sounded American

Rudi von Starnberg: completely American

Smitty: but i feel quite strongly about that

[PP]Steve: nah she's good, this one

Smitty: she was great

Smitty: i think she was the best one yet

PK: very english voice

Comrade: What the fuck is her accent

[PP]Steve: hey guys, did you hear the nurse who answered that prank call to the australian hospital killed herself?! (for real, no joke)

Earion: gritty

Smitty: so i disappointed with this new one

Earion: gritty

Earion: violence

Earion: sex violence

Earion: tomb raider

Smitty: she sounds fucking weird

Earion: sex crimes unit

[PP]Steve: what's tomb radier survivor?!

Smitty: EVERYTHING WAS UNCHARTED

Rudi von Starnberg: that's a funny place for a tomb

[PP]Steve: they should have got nolan north to play lara

Rudi von Starnberg: was it a sky burial?

Smitty: haha rudi

PK: she's about as english as alex salmond's left bollock

[PP]Steve: I'm probably alone, I think it looks great

Comrade: Yeah, I think people are way too down on Tomb Raider

Smitty: i wasn't so keen after my play at Eurogamer, Morrius

Smitty: but we'll see

Earion: yeah i thought tomb raider was pretty shit

[PP]Steve: she's english PK

Earion: based on that twenty minutes

PK: she doesn't sound it at all

[PP]Steve: yeah I'll have to see, i'm open to it

Smitty: my worry is that, well, it's going to be Uncharted

Smitty: as in, very little decent raidering

Earion: uncharted with sex crimes

PK: Smitty, was it a standard stealth/action game?

Smitty: of fucking tombs

[PP]Steve: but nothing lost if it doesnt' work out. I think it COULD be good. Even if it's just an uncharted clone. but it's got open world stuff in hasn't it?

[PP]Steve: this theme is kind of boring

Rudi von Starnberg: Far Cry 3 is basically doing the Tomb Raider thing now

Rudi von Starnberg: or, really, the Assassin's Creed thing

[PP]Steve: violin lady is back. I like talented musician ladies!

Smitty: yeah but morrius it's all for nothing if it doesn't have decent tomb raiding action

Adam Curtis: Keeley Hawes was good as the voice

Smitty: otherwise why call it tomb raider?

Adam Curtis: wouldn't really work with someone who looks 15 thouhg

Comrade: I think they've been showing all the linear bits in trailers and shows because that's the most immediately impressive stuff

Smitty: uncharted's tomb stuff is god awful

PK: wobwobwobwob

Smitty: it's platforming is so superficial as to be offensive

Earion: wubwubwubwubwub

Rudi von Starnberg: "If I don't survive, none of us will"

Smitty: yeah but comrade i just worry it extends further

PK: smitty have you played this?

Smitty: STILL

Smitty: it is Cystal Dyanmics and they made the AMAZING Tomb Raider Anniversary

Rudi von Starnberg: Lara Croft: Jesus, or a 19th century Indian prince making his household commit suttee when he dies

Smitty: which is all killer no filler

PK: is it anything like old TR games?

Smitty: no PK it doesn't seem much like them at all

Smitty: i played like a 25 minute section at Eurogamer

PK: is it uncharted basically?

Smitty: it felt a bit floaty and weird

Comrade: Oh it was Claptrap

PK: ah

[PP]Steve: claptrap is pretty funny. made me chuckle a few times today while grinding through the last levels of BL2

Smitty: i can't say PK, i played little, but look at the trailers; it's clearly going for the Uncharted dollar

[PP]Steve: randy must be happy

[PP]Steve: game of the decade! hl3

PK: is it a very wide corridor?

[PP]Steve: KFC is no mac n cheese

PK: or a tomb to explore?

PK: (and raid)

Smitty: ARE YOU A COP

Comrade: OH GOD THE BEARD IS ON THE ALL ACCESS FEED

[PP]Steve: brb lovelies

Smitty: the section i played was an early one

Adam Curtis: he knows what you did

Smitty: not much to explore really

Rudi von Starnberg: MY HAND

Adam Curtis: well you shouldnt play with guns

Smitty: yeah imperialism

Adam Curtis: nah it's like the robots turned against the us k

Smitty: the end of BLOPS 2 is fucking atrocious

Rudi von Starnberg: hell yeah empire

Rudi von Starnberg: fuck yeah

Smitty: like, it's the end of the fucking world

Adam Curtis: god, you played it?

Smitty: and then the games over

Smitty: that's it

Rudi von Starnberg: Hahaha

Smitty: yeah i was bored

Smitty: it was the day after doing an LSD binge and i was tired

Smitty: needed to stay in

Adam Curtis: buy a guinea pig with the money

Rudi von Starnberg: You know what else isn't for women?

Rudi von Starnberg: the VGA awards

[PP]Steve: shane satterfield is a bit greasy isn't he

Earion: video games

Rudi von Starnberg: because they're aggressively male

[PP]Steve: not for humans, more like

Rudi von Starnberg: bideo games.

Smitty: the one decent thing you can take from any of the COD games

Earion: suicide

Smitty: is that violence begats more violence

Rudi von Starnberg: Hahahaha

Comrade: Is he the one in the ill-fitting black suit, Morrius?

Smitty: but you kind of have to dig for that a bit

Rudi von Starnberg: also that's some proper death of the author shit to take that meaning from it

Rudi von Starnberg: because the actual intended meaning is 'good violence puts an end to the bad violence'

Rudi von Starnberg: 'hoo-ah'

Smitty: i know what you mean rudi

Smitty: but i'm just saying, it's a constant feature of the games

Earion: 'when going to war, blind enemies' - gandhi

Rudi von Starnberg: Haha

Smitty: all the characters were shaped by acts of violence that drive them

Rudi von Starnberg: It's not quite Max Payne in terms of 'killing leads to more killing'

Smitty: the bad guy of the latest one is trying to get revenge for his daughter being killed etc

Smitty: hey look you're preaching to the converted

Rudi von Starnberg: Yeah, I know

Rudi von Starnberg: we should argue instead.

Smitty: i'm just saying that the's one good conlcusion i can take from it

Rudi von Starnberg: so, that Max Payne 2 eh.

Rudi von Starnberg: much better than the first one

Smitty: violence causes more violence

Smitty: which is, well, true

PK: who was that man

Adam Curtis: This is so fucking grim. This whole thing

PK: that they cut to for a second

Rudi von Starnberg: FUCKING

Earion: so far behind the curve

[PP]Steve: gabe lol

Rudi von Starnberg: crazy sh-

Smitty: look at how tight this 60 year old mans trousersr are

Rudi von Starnberg: that'll save people from being offended

Adam Curtis: don't fall over kyle gass

Adam Curtis: that would be awful

[PP]Steve: haha jack black is getting bigger isn't he

Rudi von Starnberg: he'll roll around like a tortoise

Smitty:

Rudi von Starnberg: unable to get back up

Adam Curtis: holy crap he's overtaken kyle

PK: HL2

PK: HL2

PK: HL2

Comrade: Sega Bass Fishing Duel shout out!

Adam Curtis: Is this improvised riffing you reckon?

Adam Curtis: sweet

Rudi von Starnberg: it's very naturalistic

[PP]Steve: lol

PK: half life 2

[PP]Steve: HL2 forever

PK: this old game

PK: overlooked

Smitty: wait a second

Smitty: the last decade?

PK: caled HALF LIFE TWO

Rudi von Starnberg: I really hope it's not Arkham City of all things

Smitty: not halo then i guess

Smitty: HL2

Adam Curtis: Hah I bet it'll be uncharted or something

PK: HL2

Earion: just give it to wind waker

Comrade: OH SHIT IT WAS ALYX ITS ALL COMING TRUE

[PP]Steve: arkham city isn't even the best batman game lol

PK: i swear if it's not HL2

[PP]Steve: it won't bne

Rudi von Starnberg: true words, morrius

[PP]Steve: be

PK: IT MUST BE

[PP]Steve: it'll be something stupid

Adam Curtis: hahaha bioshock

Adam Curtis: 98%

PK: WII SPORTS

[PP]Steve: lol wtf? footage from hl2 beta?!

[PP]Steve: what's going on here!

Smitty: bioshock

Smitty: it had better be HL2

Earion: it'll be wow

Rudi von Starnberg: that's in keeping with last year's VGAs

[PP]Steve: GABE GABE GABE GABE#

PK: yeah it'll be wow

Comrade: FABLE: THE JOURNEY IS THE GREATEST GAME OF THE DECADE

Rudi von Starnberg: they showed the placeholder Wheatley voice from Portal 2

Smitty: do they mean the whole decade 2000-2010?

[PP]Steve: gabe would look good stood next to these guys

Rudi von Starnberg: instead of Merchant

PK: changed things more than hl2

Smitty: because HALO

PK: YES

PK: YEs

PK: YES

[PP]Steve: YESSSSSSSSSSS!

PK: YES

PK: YES

PK: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Smitty: ok

PK: OMG

PK: OMG

[PP]Steve: HL3 REVEAL

PK: THIS IS IT

[PP]Steve: COME ON FUCKERS

PK: YESSSSSSSSSSSS

PK: OH MY FUCKING GOD

[PP]Steve: that's your lot I bet lol

PK: HOLD ME MORRIUS

[PP]Steve: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

Adam Curtis: GABEN

Smitty: gaben!

[PP]Steve: HOLD ME

Rudi von Starnberg: Gabe

PK: OMG

Comrade: ggggGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBBEEEEE

Rudi von Starnberg: not as fat

Smitty: OMG

Rudi von Starnberg: as Tenacious D

Smitty: i am so excited

[PP]Steve: COME ON YOU BASTARDS!

Smitty: where the fuck is gabe

[PP]Steve: OH MY GOD

PK: HALF LIFE THREE NOW

[PP]Steve: 16 of them

[PP]Steve: THIS IS ITTTTTTTTTTT

Smitty: shut up

Smitty: where is gaben

Adam Curtis: he fell

PK: WHERE IS GABE

Rudi von Starnberg: he's so big you can't see him

Rudi von Starnberg: like

Smitty: RICOCHET 2

Rudi von Starnberg: the ionosphere

Smitty: no

Smitty: don't go!

Smitty: jesus

[PP]Steve: WHAT!

PK: what

Rudi von Starnberg: HAHAHAHAHAHA

Smitty: don't go :(

PK: is that it

Earion: GOOD.

PK: LOL

Comrade: IT IS MY GREAT HONOUR TO ANNOUNCE JAZZ JACK RABBIT 3D, THAT'S RIGHT WE HAVE HIRED CLIFFY B

Earion: FUCK HALF LIFE.

PK: hahaha

Smitty: :'(

[PP]Steve: Ah nevermind, johnny galecki

[PP]Steve: that'll do

Adam Curtis: oh no he's in that big bang shite isn't he?

Adam Curtis: HALO

Adam Curtis: 4

Rudi von Starnberg: I'll just say game titles

Smitty: yes

Rudi von Starnberg: that'll work

Al Benicio: rofl

PK: lol

Comrade: It's David from Roseanne!

Al Benicio: Morrius denied

Adam Curtis: CHEER PLEBS

Smitty: good delivery mate

PK: haha

[PP]Steve: nah half life 2 won that's still pretty good!

[PP]Steve: won a shit award, that is

Smitty: i haven't played any Spartan Ops yet

PK: "yeah cheers"

Comrade: The execution of Morrius is back on, boys!

PK: amazing

[PP]Steve: unless they do the reveal at the end!

[PP]Steve: c'mon guys I was closer than last year lol

Comrade: Why is Biggles in Halo 4?

PK: i saw gabe

[PP]Steve: 16 members of valve

PK: gabe was there

[PP]Steve: and a half life thing on the screen

[PP]Steve: it was like half a half life 3 reveal!

Smitty: so sad gaben left :(

Smitty: so sad

[PP]Steve: :(

PK: fuck off ken

Rudi von Starnberg: Ken Levine

Rudi von Starnberg: Mammary Fancier

[PP]Steve: I actually thought that was it for a minute

PK: bring back gabe

[PP]Steve: :(

Adam Curtis: I was hoping gaben would pull out a hand grenade and fucking end it

PK: i squealed

Smitty: wow how much coffee has ken had?

Comrade: Ken Levine is looking more like a coked up hunchback every year

Rudi von Starnberg: fuck pinkertons

Smitty: sorry i mean coke

PK: white powdered coffee

[PP]Steve: he looks like a man who has been making a videogame for several years lol

PK: he's off his tits

Smitty: Fact: the US government used Pinkertons before it formed the FBO

PK: look at the state of him

Smitty: FBI even lol

Comrade: Someone needs to tell him how a microphone works

Smitty: they've changed the design of the girl?

Smitty: a bit

Rudi von Starnberg: fraaaameraaaate

[PP]Steve: this ia a bit like an advert for the PC version lol

Smitty: nice framerate

Adam Curtis: Think she's at least a D now

PK: smaller breasts

PK: from the earlier vids

[PP]Steve: they've made 'more like a disney princess'

Smitty: she has lost a finger?

Adam Curtis: oh yeah, no cleavage

Adam Curtis: that's progress

Smitty: yeah morrius don't you think they've changed her face?

Comrade: No more plunging decollotage

PK: they've halfed her chestr

Smitty: they must have read the criticism

Smitty: but i preferred the old face

Rudi von Starnberg: 360

Rudi von Starnberg: has no framerate

Smitty: like you said this looks disney princess or something

Comrade: The face looks the same to me

[PP]Steve: you know that cosplay girl who did the character? they made it look more like her

[PP]Steve: she's on the box and everything

PK: you're a gentleman comrade

Smitty: i think they've tweaked it a bit

PK: she had a ridiculous chest that defied gravity

PK: in the earlier vids

Rudi von Starnberg: they've really captured the period

PK: lol

PK: that looks so shite

[PP]Steve: lol, it's a steampunk game set in the sky

Comrade: Actually it looks like she gets her tits out later in the gme

Smitty: 'epic game of modern warfare'

PK: i'll jack your reacher

Rudi von Starnberg: DIFFERENT

Rudi von Starnberg: AD

Smitty: WOAH

Smitty: ARE YOU A COP?

Smitty: IRAQ

Smitty: PURPLE HEART

PK: is this MW the filjm

Rudi von Starnberg: THE INSIDE

[PP]Steve: apparently the reiligious iconography and inverted american exceptionalism is extremely dark and interesting (according to a podcast...)

Rudi von Starnberg: IF AN AMBULANCE

[PP]Steve: guys, can you believe half of valve came out and put the g man on the screen

Smitty: seriously morrius?

Comrade: WHAT IS THIS PODCAST

[PP]Steve: and then just walked off again lol

Smitty: no i cant morrius

[PP]Steve: yeah apparenty smitty

Smitty: it's so sad

Earion: DOUBLE BLUFF

Smitty: i thought gaben would say something

Rudi von Starnberg: FUCKING

Rudi von Starnberg: holy

Rudi von Starnberg: FUCK

Rudi von Starnberg: JACK

Rudi von Starnberg: REACHER

Rudi von Starnberg: man

Smitty: and show a quick video to fuck with our hheads

Rudi von Starnberg: haven't seen this trailer enough

[PP]Steve: it's meant to be all about hero worship of american leaders and when religious and politics collide

PK: i swear that's how i've imagined they announce it

PK: big event

[PP]Steve: yeah me too

PK: then

PK: "RISE AND SHINE DR FREEMAN"

[PP]Steve: I didn't think it would be VGAs, but that was my exact announcement in my head

[PP]Steve: fuck, man! :(

[PP]Steve: we were SO close!

PK: :(

Comrade: Ken Levine is tweaking out on all access

Smitty: haha switching now comrade

PK: we were so close

[PP]Steve: OK is it just me or does the xbox version run about 15 frames a second

PK: give it another 3 years

Smitty: i'm glad i've got a PC

Rudi von Starnberg: It's not just you

Adam Curtis: are they bringing out new consoles soon? wii U doesn't count

[PP]Steve: http://uk.ign.com/articles/2012/12/03/bioshock-infinite-cosplayer-becomes-official-face-of-elizabeth

Adam Curtis: I mean they're struggling so much now

[PP]Steve: next e3

PK: fuck

PK: that's literally

Comrade: Bishock Infinite looks great, but not incredibly technically amazing. I definitely think the 360 can do it

Smitty: looking at the photo next to the model

PK: exacfly how i thought they'd announce it

[PP]Steve: oneo f them should be out by next year end

Smitty: they have clearly changed the face for this new VGA trailer

PK: valve presentation

PK: then

PK: RISE AND SHINE

PK: spoog

PK: fuck

Adam Curtis: was that kevin smith

PK: pc gamer pre-cum

Smitty: best not to mention pre-cum

Smitty: that will drive me wild :(

[PP]Steve: it's valve!

[PP]Steve: on the all access thing

Smitty: GABEN!

[PP]Steve: gabe you awesome bastard

PK: that's EXACTLY how i thought they'd announce HL3 though

[PP]Steve: I LOVE YOU GABE

Smitty: JOY TO THE WORLD

Adam Curtis: I can't handle another ad break

Smitty: joy joy joy joy

PK: just the gman saying RISE AND SHINE DR FREEMAN

Comrade: GABE IS ON ALL ACCESS WHERE SURELY HE WILL ANNOUNCE HL3 AT ANY SECOND

[PP]Steve: ASK THEM ABOUT HL3 BIN BAG LADY!

PK: crowd goes wild

Smitty: gabe's shirt is XXXXXXL

Earion: is gabe mute now

Smitty: gabe is a mute protoganist

PK: yeah backstage gabe

Rudi von Starnberg: He's taken a vow of silence until the release of Half-Life 3

[PP]Steve: Gabe's so humble

Earion: gabe is freeman

PK: TALK GABE

PK: SPEAK

Smitty: i want to hug gabe

Comrade: Man that beard really suits Gabe well, actually

Rudi von Starnberg: he only broke it to introduce The International 2

Smitty: HAHAHA

Earion: gary newell

[PP]Steve: CUT TO GABE DOING GANGNAM STYLE HOLDING A SIGN SAYING 'HL3 2013'

Rudi von Starnberg: :D Gary

Adam Curtis: all you need to know about

Adam Curtis:

Rudi von Starnberg: Main one is back

Comrade: SHE CALLED HIM GARY LET THE FATWA GO FORTH

PK: she must die

Smitty: gaben is full of grace

Rudi von Starnberg: Sam Jackson

Smitty: look at hi

Rudi von Starnberg: is the real black ops

Rudi von Starnberg: motherfBEEPer

Smitty: his repose is elegant

[PP]Steve: SPILL THE BEANS MOTHER FUCKERS! :)

Earion: GUYS GABE JUST ANNOUNCED HALF LIFE 3 BACKSTAGE

PK: SPEAK

PK: REVEAL THE PLAN GABE

Adam Curtis: huff luff thruh

[PP]Steve: gabe you heartbreaker

PK: FUCKS SAKE

[PP]Steve: so close

Adam Curtis: ugh who is that

[PP]Steve: such sweet sorrow

Al Benicio: They all fear Doug Lombardi

Adam Curtis: and that

Rudi von Starnberg: Game of the year is The Walking Dead

PK: YES

[PP]Steve: oh shit!

PK: YES

PK: WALKING DEAD

[PP]Steve: that's great!

[PP]Steve: amazing!

Earion: goty

Adam Curtis: wew

Earion: all years

PK: amazing!

Al Benicio: hes probably lurking behind the scenes keeping an eye and Gave and all

Adam Curtis: almost redeemed

Rudi von Starnberg: PACHTER WAS WRONG

Rudi von Starnberg: AGAIN

PK: yess

Rudi von Starnberg: :D

Adam Curtis: "just kidding, HALOOOO 4"

PK: next idle thumbs will be amazing

[PP]Steve: fuck yeah

Rudi von Starnberg: Michael Pachter spectacularly wrong

Rudi von Starnberg: every time

[PP]Steve: I hope everyone takes a huge chunk of influence from TWD

PK: wicked

PK: so good

Smitty: the bald one is the Thumb right?

Smitty: is that right?

Smitty: i dunno

[PP]Steve: celementine won best performance too

Comrade: I probably should play those games, but I don't like the TV series

PK: no the guy in the shirt

PK: is sean

[PP]Steve: comrade, don't worry

Rudi von Starnberg: It's nothing like the TV series

[PP]Steve: it's very different

[PP]Steve: like, the opposite thing.

Comrade: Also I am incredibly board of zombies

[PP]Steve: don't worry. it's not really about zombies.

Rudi von Starnberg: Trust us

Smitty: comrade it's a character piecde

Al Benicio: it's just as shite though as the series

PK: this is sean from idle thumbs

PK: wicked

PK: so happy they got it

Rudi von Starnberg: It's all about the characters.

Comrade: Is it any good on iPad?

Rudi von Starnberg: And they're properly well-written and acted

[PP]Steve: in some ways, it's a huge milestone in videogaming. It really needs to be played by all

Smitty: i stopped at episode 2

[PP]Steve: Jack Black: Back for the crack

Smitty: i need to go back to it

Comrade: ALL RIGHT FINE I'LL PLAY IT GOD

Rudi von Starnberg: You absolutely do, yes

Smitty: in fact i might restart to play it with my BF

[PP]Steve: it made my girlfriend cry. three times.

PK: seriously smitty play it through

Rudi von Starnberg: It made ME cry. Once.

Smitty: i liked it rudi, i just got distracted by other stuff

Smitty: i didn't stop playing because i didn't like it

Rudi von Starnberg: Yeah I get that

Adam Curtis: Yeah zombies are just a good way of providing a desperate situation for a randomly put-together group of people

Al Benicio: got it sitting on my hard drive, not started it yet

[PP]Steve: I didn't cry, but I was very very close

Rudi von Starnberg: this is more just a 'get on that shit again' reminder

Smitty: yeah

Smitty: my bf played a bit with m

Smitty: me a

PK: someone said on the forum

Smitty: and he keeps asking about it

Rudi von Starnberg: Ha

Rudi von Starnberg: I imagine it'd be a bit traumatic

PK: it's like dragons lair

[PP]Steve: don't bust through it too fast. it'll be traumatic

PK: but the story is so good, it doesnt matter

Adam Curtis: haha when he paused

Adam Curtis: "oh god i'm so fat"

[PP]Steve: what's going on

PK: apparently it's a tenacious d concert

[PP]Steve: OK, if last year was a 2/10, this is about a 4.5. Mostly for gabe

Rudi von Starnberg: God you're really over-rating it there

[PP]Steve: unfortunately it gets minus infinity for no hl3 reveal

Adam Curtis: This is like E3 with no new games

PK: 'rise and shine dr freeman' excited me more than the last 7 years have

[PP]Steve: lol

Comrade: Well, this is the end, and I have to say not having actually sat through one of these before that it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be considering reports of previous years

[PP]Steve: rise and shine mr freeman! time to not announce a new game for another day!

Rudi von Starnberg: Last year was properly atrocious

Al Benicio: its not as fun as last years cause at the end of it it was a stream of

Al Benicio: MORRIUS YOU'RE FUCKIN DEAD

PK: that's exactly how i thought they'd announce a new game

Al Benicio: by about 30 people

Earion: belieeeeeve

PK: rise and shine dr freeman

PK: POW

PK: HL3

[PP]Steve: nah comrade this was much less horrendous than last year, last year was like a bad nightmare

Comrade: NOW HL3

[PP]Steve: just the worst thing, ever

Earion: MORRIUS

Smitty: i'm still sad about gaben

Earion: YOU CARD IS FUCKING MARKED

PK: what was the 13 month thing that the king of the doritos was teasing?

PK: National Health Solid?

[PP]Steve: I GAVE YOU THE GABEN, AND THE GABEN DENIED THEE

Rudi von Starnberg: Well.

Rudi von Starnberg: What was.

Rudi von Starnberg: That was.

Rudi von Starnberg: An anti-climax.

Smitty: why has GABEN forsaken us?

Rudi von Starnberg: see, he can't walk without support

Rudi von Starnberg: snoop

PK: here we go

PK: last item

PK: BY THE WAY GUYS

Adam Curtis: snoop can do one

Smitty: snoop played 10 seconds of his reggae song

Comrade: ONE LAST THING

PK: HALF LIFE THREE IS AVAILABLE ON STEAM

Adam Curtis: you guys

Rudi von Starnberg: STEAM CLIENT UPDATE GUYS

Adam Curtis: you fucking lads

Rudi von Starnberg: morrius there was a three there

PK: fuck.

PK: morrius

PK: you've let us down AGAIN

Adam Curtis: I would actually prefer if it was like last year

Smitty: where does morrius live?

PK: for a consecutive year

Smitty: he needs a bump at least

Rudi von Starnberg: In a fucking

Adam Curtis: 21 jump st

Rudi von Starnberg: witness protection apartment.

Adam Curtis: ^

Rudi von Starnberg: THANKS

Rudi von Starnberg: FOR WATCHING

Rudi von Starnberg: In conclusion

Rudi von Starnberg: smash capitalism

Smitty: televisual AIDS

Comrade: Well, I'll see you guys back on the forum, except for Morrius who I shall see from looming above his sleeping form holding a garrotte.

[PP]Steve: the greatest trick the gaben ever pulled, was convincing the world half life 3 exists

Adam Curtis: i warned you about spike bro

Rudi von Starnberg: cheeeeers

Comrade: Night night boys

Al Benicio: it'll be like that episode of the Sopranos were you're visiting somewhere and you happen to see Morrius by chance

Al Benicio: and stangle him at the pier

Smitty: bye

Comrade left chat.

Rudi von Starnberg: Night guys.

Smitty: i am still shocked about gaben so i'l just stay here

Al Benicio: strangle

[PP]Steve: I'm not even tired

[PP]Steve: weird

[PP]Steve: I think I almost had a heart attack when G man came on screen

Smitty: i'm TIRED of waiting for HL3

Al Benicio: i genuinely thought we might get an announcement their for a split second

Al Benicio: fuck

PK: yeah

PK: same

[PP]Steve: yeah me too

PK: i thought that was it

[PP]Steve: just for a moment

Adam Curtis: Would they really announce it in that awful place?

PK: there's at least 30 seconds of video footage to analyse

PK: for clues

Earion: half life 3 will come out when michael pachter says it's dead

[PP]Steve: well, it's TV

Rudi von Starnberg: RIGHT. PEACE OUT GUYS

Rudi von Starnberg: PEACE

Smitty: you never know

Smitty: god damn it valve

[PP]Steve: you can't beat TV, even shit TV

Smitty: bye rudi

Rudi von Starnberg: (The Phantom Pain is a stealth HL3 reveal)

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Missed this but just caught up with the details. Very happy with the results for best shooter1 and best male performance2 as I loved both of these :) Quite surprised with the best handheld winner3 considering the strength of the 3DS and iPhone libraries, but it's a great little game with some excellent music and charming presentation. :D

1

Borderlands 2

2

Dameon Clarke as Handsome Jack (Borderlands 2)

3

Sound Shapes

(spoilered names in case anyone else missed the results)

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Nothing really controversial in the results list actually, it's a pretty decent score overall. Especially considering this was supposed to be some ad-ridden commercial clusterfuck. Apart from SSX winning the award for best individual sports title (WTF?) and Most Wanted getting the award for Best Driving instead of Forza Horizons, I can't really disagree with anything.

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