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Elden Ring - chortlesome japes


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What the fuck has happened to Radagan?? The first time I tried him I got him to phase two in about six hits, and each attempt after that no problem. 
 

Tonight his holy damage is destroying me and he’s jumping all over the place.  

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5 hours ago, smac said:

 

Well I never! That wasn't so bad. And I get ... their ovaries? Ewwww.

 

 

Why, yes you can. I levelled up my strength, and I can now wield katana and Lordsworn's greatsword. Looks good.

 

 

Aaaaand solved. It really doesn't explain anything, does it? All trial and error. Mostly error.


Pro tip: homing spells like carian phalanx  make hitting the underground scarabs very very easy

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Had a go on my NG+ run last night. Started at the academy, went straight for Altus Plateau using the route through the mines, took down the main bosses in Leyndell and went to Land of the Giants. Fire Giant is still really hard, I mean, I took down Morgott in about 10 seconds and only needed to pop one potion but the friggin fire giant is able to kill me in a split second during phase two. 

At least I remembered the advice for getting the Rivers of Blood before taking him on. As soon as I picked it up I went to round table to upgrade it. I had every stone except the ancient dragon one, and I can't remember where I found it during my first run, but +9 should be ok anyaways. 

 

Question for you wise guys, what's the deal with altering garments? For the first time I opened that menu last night and found out that I could alter the armor I was using (Radahns armor) but the only change seems to be it gets lighter but all stats are reduced? Am I missing something cruicial about the altering process? 

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8 hours ago, PeteJ said:

I am suspicious about the big arena with the creepy thing in the roots, but nothing happened and I can't find the NPC it references. 

 

You're right to be suspicious. :sherlock:

 

Separately, I finally took the lift up to the 

Spoiler

Mountaintops

 

last night. Getting lots of Painted World of Ariandel vibes. Some spectacular views!

 

How close am I from the end now? From what I've gathered, it's here

Spoiler

Tornado Zone, the Haligtree and then is that it?

 

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5 minutes ago, Rayn said:

Had a go on my NG+ run last night. Started at the academy, went straight for Altus Plateau using the route through the mines, took down the main bosses in Leyndell and went to Land of the Giants. Fire Giant is still really hard, I mean, I took down Morgott in about 10 seconds and only needed to pop one potion but the friggin fire giant is able to kill me in a split second during phase two. 

At least I remembered the advice for getting the Rivers of Blood before taking him on. As soon as I picked it up I went to round table to upgrade it. I had every stone except the ancient dragon one, and I can't remember where I found it during my first run, but +9 should be ok anyaways. 

 

Question for you wise guys, what's the deal with altering garments? For the first time I opened that menu last night and found out that I could alter the armor I was using (Radahns armor) but the only change seems to be it gets lighter but all stats are reduced? Am I missing something cruicial about the altering process? 

 

It's basically so you can remove capes if you don't like them. Capes are awesome though, so of course I never used it.

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8 hours ago, smac said:

Why, yes you can. I levelled up my strength, and I can now wield katana and Lordsworn's greatsword. Looks good..


That’s just holding two swords though, you want to try holding two of the same type of weapon and then tapping block… because that’s a super obvious thing to try?

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I'm finding the offensive faith incantations almost universally disappointing. Their descriptions sound great but in reality they have long casting times, short range and mediocre damage output. You have to time the casting of them incredibly well for little reward.

 

I can't see any reason to use them when my sword of night and flame has two magic attacks with much better range and damage output or when I have access to some of the sorcery spells like homing stars or great glinstone. 

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40 minutes ago, Majora said:

I'm finding the offensive faith incantations almost universally disappointing. Their descriptions sound great but in reality they have long casting times, short range and mediocre damage output. You have to time the casting of them incredibly well for little reward.

 

I can't see any reason to use them when my sword of night and flame has two magic attacks with much better range and damage output or when I have access to some of the sorcery spells like homing stars or great glinstone. 

Yeah I've got an 80 Faith character with maxed seals and most of them are pretty piddling damage compared to my Blasphemous Blade or Halo scythe weapon arts.
Mostly I buff myself silly and use those.
Flame Clease Me is completely invaluable.
Frenzied Burst is amazing to snipe with. Flame of Frenzy for AE fun. Use Flame Grant me Strength first to buff your damage.
Rotten Breath is ridiculously ace for a vast amount of bosses and oddly so is Pest Threads vs giant sized enemies.

Basically my prophet is a swiss army knife not exactly a cannon.

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9 hours ago, Benny said:

I refuse to wear hats.

 

  Hide contents

Headbands for life.

 

 

You're missing out!

 

Spoiler

1545591721_ELDENRING_20220401143534.thumb.png.fa9d6928c76f8da833503a907c680953.png

 

2038280892_ELDENRING_20220401143605.thumb.png.ccbfe848960e940ef4bd24599e4c55df.png

 

400049121_ELDENRING_20220401143616.thumb.png.19497289cf4c78364b8d95f93cae684e.png

 

My favourite at the moment though is this "altered" mask:

 

Spoiler

1963421226_ELDENRING_20220406141841.thumb.png.2bb63985add4b1cdd9d1a0499d4488cc.png

 

635699737_ELDENRING_20220406141834.thumb.png.26247705608309a1d7567d0893f0eb0e.png

 

And also, because fuck you Melania:

 

Spoiler

662451080_ELDENRING_20220406141349.thumb.png.6eba1bb87ba87247228dbd1d8ea43dba.png

 

Still buzzing about that win. :D

 

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I did a bit of cosplay with that armour as

 

Spoiler

Melania for some jolly co-op to help fight her. Turns out her rot flower spell and katana with weapon art are actually useless against... herself. Who knew.

 

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1 hour ago, Girth Certificate said:

The hardest of the Evil Deadbirds was a complete bastard. Bastaaaaard

Is that the one in the snow? I ended up cheesing him with arrows from the nearby cliff because his AOE attack was absolute bullshit.

 

I've collected every single sorcery in the game now for some reason. I wanted every incantation, but missed out on the shield one from Corhyn. He's a faith character but you need a shedload of INT to finish the quest. Go figure...😒

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1 minute ago, Number 28 said:

Is that the one in the snow? I ended up cheesing him with arrows from the nearby cliff because his AOE attack was absolute bullshit.

 

Yeah. It was annoying cos with Sacred Blade I was doing huge damage but he's relentless and he'd either get me with his grab, or I'd get stuck in icey fire or whatever. If you target the head the camera goes radge but if you target the body his peck attacks get you from behind. Then when you die you forget to make it night again so he doesn't spawn and have to make a trip back to a bonfire cursing all the way. Managed it eventually though.

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1 hour ago, Rayn said:

I had every stone except the ancient dragon one, and I can't remember where I found it during my first run

 

There are about 8 of those available. An easy one to get is 

 

Spoiler

The one in a chest by the lift that leads up to Mohgwyn LOB

 

 

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4 hours ago, Moz said:


Pro tip: homing spells like carian phalanx  make hitting the underground scarabs very very easy

 

There's magic? 😉

 

I don't have a spell, yet; I suspect there's one in

 

Spoiler

the first catacomb you find, because the statue that points to it initially does so using blue sparkles.

 

Just haven't completed it yet; keep getting backstabbed by fast-moving imps working in pairs.

 

 

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1 hour ago, Number 28 said:

Is that the one in the snow? I ended up cheesing him with arrows from the nearby cliff because his AOE attack was absolute bullshit.

 

I've collected every single sorcery in the game now for some reason. I wanted every incantation, but missed out on the shield one from Corhyn. He's a faith character but you need a shedload of INT to finish the quest. Go figure...😒

Activate Godricks rune, grafted sword, twinsage mask, both +5 talismans and the +10 int boosting physik flask that should be enough, I started as a prophet (int 7?) and did it.

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3 hours ago, Jamie John said:

 

You're right to be suspicious. :sherlock:

 

Separately, I finally took the lift up to the 

  Hide contents

Mountaintops

 

last night. Getting lots of Painted World of Ariandel vibes. Some spectacular views!

 

How close am I from the end now? From what I've gathered, it's here

  Hide contents

Tornado Zone, the Haligtree and then is that it?

 


Haligtree and the area before it are optional and require some finding. If you just keep going forward from here it’s tornado zone then the final short place.

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Finally got to everyone's favourite farming spot in Mogwai Palace. I'm perpetually astonished in some areas when there's loads of bloodstains on the floor and I think how have so many people died here? Especially at the farming spot where you have

Spoiler

mooks who are literally asleep and can be one-shotted with a backstab, and a couple of idiotic guards who do nothing but cartwheel around like a junior gymnast. 

 

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22 minutes ago, Benny said:

It's all about the fire spells. Those are the best ones that scale with faith. Especially black fireball.

 

Do you mean 'Black Flame', which is just a black fireball, or is that a separate spell?

 

And as for incantations in general, I'm using the Gravel Seal with S scaling, which enhances lightning-based incantations, along with the Scorpion Lightning charm, which does the same, and the talisman which enhances faith, so a regular lightning strike spell, which is pretty quick to cast and doesn't use much FP, hits for anywhere between 750 and 1200 HP on most enemies, which is definite one-shot territory. More if you catch them unawares and charge up the spell, obviously. Lots of enemies seem quite susceptible to it, too, which is nice.

 

If anything, it's too effective and doesn't encourage me to use the other incantations as the damage to casting time to FP consumption ratio isn't as good. Even some of the big, FP-hungry incantations don't cause as much damage as two successive lightning strikes 

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7 minutes ago, Jamie John said:

 

Do you mean 'Black Flame', which is just a black fireball, or is that a separate spell?

 

And as for incantations in general, I'm using the Gravel Seal with S scaling, which enhances lightning-based incantations, along with the Scorpion Lightning charm, which does the same, and the talisman which enhances faith, so a regular lightning strike spell, which is pretty quick to cast and doesn't use much FP, hits for anywhere between 750 and 1200 HP on most enemies, which is definite one-shot territory. More if you catch them unawares and charge up the spell, obviously. Lots of enemies seem quite susceptible to it, too, which is nice.

 

If anything, it's too effective and doesn't encourage me to use the other incantations as the damage to casting time to FP consumption ratio isn't as good. Even some of the big, FP-hungry incantations don't cause as much damage as two successive lightning strikes 

 

Yeah the thrown black fireball. With the talisman that boosts Godslayer incantations and the fact it does additional tick damage made it really useful for a lot of the game, especially as so many things seem weak to fire.

 

But I agree I think lighting bolt is the most bang for your buck spell in the game in most cases.

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1 hour ago, Chadruharazzeb said:

Finally got to everyone's favourite farming spot in Mogwai Palace. I'm perpetually astonished in some areas when there's loads of bloodstains on the floor and I think how have so many people died here? Especially at the farming spot where you have

  Hide contents

mooks who are literally asleep and can be one-shotted with a backstab, and a couple of idiotic guards who do nothing but cartwheel around like a junior gymnast. 

 

 

Those feckers will get ya. Make us a promise that you'll post in here if you get got.

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1 hour ago, Chadruharazzeb said:

Finally got to everyone's favourite farming spot in Mogwai Palace. I'm perpetually astonished in some areas when there's loads of bloodstains on the floor and I think how have so many people died here? Especially at the farming spot where you have

  Reveal hidden contents

mooks who are literally asleep and can be one-shotted with a backstab, and a couple of idiotic guards who do nothing but cartwheel around like a junior gymnast. 

 

There's a very nice item in a chest behind that statue which alerts them if you try and grab it quickly. I know I died there before I stealthily took them out.

 

I'm also having real problems summoning help just before the final boss. Yesterday afternoon summoning was fine but now every time I try to summon help it just says unavailable. My internet is fine, I did a network test on the PS5 but it's driving me mad as even with my Mimic, the EB is a right pain.

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Say hello to my most ill-conceived character yet!

 

Stabbeau.thumb.jpeg.cfdd2478a966e7a82868d6d6b789123f.jpeg

 

As you can see she dual wields rapiers, the idiot. This character began with the intention to use a dagger and focus on parries and crits, but honestly, the Misericorde, which is obtainable from Stormveil and boasts the highest crits in the game, is actually pretty lacklustre at low levels. I needed a secondary way of getting through the game, so I thought I'd experiment with rapiers.

 

The benefit of using a rapier is mainly that you can use them from behind the safety of a raised shield, but powerstancing them yields a surprisingly fun moveset - an incredibly fast flurry of attacks that is really good for inflicting statuses. The left hand weapon is the Antspur Rapier, which inflicts scarlet rot, and the right hand one is the Frozen Needle, which inflicts frostbite. I had intended to swap the weapons around to suit the situation, as the RH weapon gets more hits in powerstance combos, but honestly scarlet rot is a bit slow on bosses to be particularly useful, IMO. Frostbite on the other hand is great for ramping up the damage, and the charged heavy on the Frozen Needle actually fires a frosty projectile (though err, it's a bit slow and a bit short range to be of much use...)

 

The downside of dual wielding rapiers is that they don't do much to interrupt enemy attacks. Also, they don't do that much damage. Also, it's kind of stupid.

 

Around the start of the endgame they become a little less viable for general play, so I'm back to my Misericorde, which has really come into its own at around the +13 mark, especially with the skill Flame of the Redmanes, which is absolutely bonkers for stance breaking. Most regular humanoid enemies go down in one cast, and bosses generally only take two or three. With a talisman setup that boosts those crits, lessens the cost of skill casting and recovers HP and FP on crit, it's pretty damn sustainable too!

 

Here it is stunlocking the boss of the Royal Capital, such that he can't even get into his phase 2 transition animation.

 

Spoiler

 

 

And doing the same to a certain magical dragon.

 

Spoiler

 

 

I have a feeling Malenia won't cause me much bother this time...

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7 minutes ago, imp said:

Flame of the Redmanes

 

Yeah this is definitely one of the strongest skills in the game it's immense. I discovered it at the end of my first run and was shocked at how simple it made big bosses, for example that wax covered gargoyle outside the beast clergymans room. I love your rapier set up it looks hilarious, well done!

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