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Elden Ring - chortlesome japes


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22 minutes ago, Minion said:

Malenia is the most broken and unfair boss ever created by From.

 

Spoken as someone who's never played Armored Core: Last Raven. *shudder*

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I've beaten every boss in every From Game except most of 2 and none have seemed so unfairly designed, the main problem for me is that her pace changes wildly from skulking around the arena to a constant barrage of attacks with no cool down between them so even if you manage to evade for minutes at a time you are eventually out of stamina and then fucked. It's just so wildly inconsistent that even Headless Guardian Ape is a piece of piss compared to this, and Isshin. Isshin took me a while but there was progress, it never felt as wildly random as her first phase can be and there were tools to significantly make the fight bearable, the umbrella mainly. I'm sure I'll feel differently once I down her solo but until then I reserve the right to be miffed.

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1 hour ago, El Spatula said:

Dunno man, I found her a lot easier than say the Fume Knight or Magic Smelter Demon.

I've just finished DS2 again and Fumey was easy pickings compared to Malenia. (Can't speak about Magic Smelts, I gave up before I could face those challenge areas)

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2 hours ago, Wiper said:

 

Spoken as someone who's never played Armored Core: Last Raven. *shudder*

 

Indeed I have not. Bad was it?

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Fire Giant down first time. Woohoo! I was lead to believe he was an absolute rock hard  arsehole but he was a bit of twat.

 

Just arrived at Consecrated with my Rivers of Blood up to +10, nice selection of fully levelled spirit summons and Arcane and Dex up to 60 each (with the help of some talismans and armour).

 

Feel like it's the final push to the end now. :(

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17 minutes ago, Minion said:

Indeed I have not. Bad was it?

 

Yeah, specifically the PSP version. One of its routes is notorious for its final boss, Ultimate Zinaida; you know the bosses in Elden Ring that are annoying because they jump away a lot while attacking you from the sky? She's the equivalent, except she (literally) continuously flies around while hammering you with homing weapons, which in concert with the PSP controls and your relative lack of manoeuvrability just means for a world of pain even trying to track her to attack, never mind doing so while avoiding the incoming fire.

 

Oh, and she happens to be preceded by an extended traversal of some corridors laden with homing missiles and defence lasers, so you get the enjoyment of not only a slog before you get to fight her, but a near-guarantee that you have to start the fight with diminished health.

 

Good times.

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10 minutes ago, KartoffelKopf said:

Fire Giant down first time. Woohoo! I was lead to believe he was an absolute rock hard  arsehole but he was a bit of twat.

 

Just arrived at Consecrated with my Rivers of Blood up to +10, nice selection of fully levelled spirit summons and Arcane and Dex up to 60 each (with the help of some talismans and armour).

 

Feel like it's the final push to the end now. :(

 

Go to Castle Sol. There is a ghost knight there just waiting on the edge with his back turned to you so it makes it easy to backstab. Make sure you have a lot of runes on you.

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3 minutes ago, Wiper said:

 

Yeah, specifically the PSP version. One of its routes is notorious for its final boss, Ultimate Zinaida; you know the bosses in Elden Ring that are annoying because they jump away a lot? She's the equivalent, except she (literally) continuously flies around while hammering you with homing weapons, which in concert with the PSP controls and your relative lack of maneuvarability just means for a world of pain even trying to track her to attack, never mind doing so while avoiding her attacks. Oh, and she happens to be preceded by an extended traversal of some corridors laden with homing missiles and defence lasers, so you get the enjoyment of not only a slog before you get to fight her, but a near-guarantee that you have to start the fight with diminished health. Good times.

 

Yeah that sounds terrible and sadistic to the core!

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1 minute ago, Scruff said:

 

Go to Castle Sol. There is a ghost knight just waiting on the edge with his back turned to you so it makes it easy to backstab. Make sure you have a lot of runes on you.


ha, met that motherfucker already. He owes me a cool quarter mil’

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Just now, KartoffelKopf said:


ha, met that motherfucker already. He owes me a cool quarter mil’

 

:lol:

 

Sorry, I just wanted to spread the pain he's caused me :D 

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2 hours ago, jonny_rat said:

I've just finished DS2 again and Fumey was easy pickings compared to Malenia. (Can't speak about Magic Smelts, I gave up before I could face those challenge areas)

 

 

I killed Malenia second go....

 

Fume Knight took me about 30 goes.

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2 hours ago, El Spatula said:

 

 

I killed Malenia second go....

 

Fume Knight took me about 30 goes.


Solo? Because that’s what I’m trying and it feels like a DS3 sl1 fight solo

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Alright, I didn’t do a couple of optional zones. But in a very real sense I just finished my first Souls game — and it was exceptional!
 

Something a bit bubblier next, but might circle back to Demon’s Souls at some point. If I can stomach the run backs.
 

And, of course, I hear this Bloodborne is pretty good…

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Summary of my side progress of the last week (Capital area/belfry spoilers). I'm now Level 88 and my slightly increased Vit (I think its about 27 now) has helped a lot with not getting one-shot all the time, combined with using talismans like HP up, stamina regen and element protection.

 

Spoiler

My current mainline roadblock is still Margit senior, so in an attempt to level up I started mopping up a ton of side content. I did all the Belfries, and marvelled at the one that takes you to the floating city, although I do dislike the 'spoilers' for future zones. The dual beastmen on the platform there were a nasty sticking point, but my experience grinding the ones you face as a boss fight in an earlier dungeon helped out. In the end the platform size was getting me killed, either by running off accidentally, or by getting hemmed in. So I used it to my advantage, equipped the spell that pushes enemies away and managed to push both of the beastmen off the edge by luring them close. Then I was pretty pissed to find there was nothing else there apart from a few items and had to teleport away!

 

I mopped up a ton of dungeons and Heros Graves too. Went back to the Caelid cave Magma Wurm and beat it first try. I cleared out the Magma Wurm in Volcano Manor as well, with the trusty immobile archer girl spirit helping out (with such a chunky health bar I broke my general rule of not using spirits in bosses). Again was a bit disappointed that there was no path. Returned to the cave in the top layer of the manor to finally take revenge on the iron maiden bosses as well. 

 

Roundtable Hold is quite empty now. The incantation priest has buggered off on his pilgrimage, the wizard died to thorns, D got murdered and his murderer buggered off, the skelly guy failed to assassinate me and I murdered him. Jon Snow has buggered off to Volcano Manor where he's become dissullsioned with his quest for revenge. All that's left now is the leader, the Fingermaidens and Fingers, the Spirit upgrade girl and the blacksmith. As part of the Ranni quest I had been given a potion from Selivus to give to some NPC girl I've somehow missed all this time. But on speaking to the head honcho Roundtable chap, I was able to hand it to him to screw Selivus - but its a bit late for that because Selivus already got assassinated as part of another side plot! I wonder how I've missed this NPC girl!

 

I decided to explore the rest of the Capital and spent a few evenings clearing it all out, including the rooftops, side streets, the ashen areas, the colluseum area and the first part of the sewers. I finally made it to a grace point in the sewers after a tough fight with an ogre, although I'm too low to take on the other ogres there I can slip down the ladder to the next part of the sewers which seems to be infested with imps. That's on the to-do list if I need more xp. The other cool find was the western part of the city which is what Roundtable Hold is based on (in true Soulsborne fashion the hub area has history!). Very interested to find out more on why this is. I'm now strong enough to take on the standard knights and not get ruined, but the horned knights are still a nightmare. For now the main sticking points in the Capital are the big gargoyle guarding a life seed and the Tree Sentinel duo guarding the Capital entrance, I finally managed to kill the Gargoyle on the stairs leading to the capital interior after a tough few fights.

 

Out in the overworld I finally found my way to the valley containing the Shaded Castle and spent a while clearing all that out as well as the nearby dungeons. The Shaded Castle boss was a real bastard and took me an hour or two to beat, although a few times I got him to one hit from death. Well-designed boss but no room for error! I also explored all the forest full of the death squid face giants, found the secret shrine and cleared out the Erdtree there, in the process finding the Heros Grave above it and the lightning dragon, the dragon I'll have to revisit later. And I found yet another new route under where the Dragon Sentinel boss was, from the lake below, leading to another dungeon and a Heros Grave.

 

I managed to kill the rune bear guarding them after a few tries, which gave me the confidence to revisit a whole bunch of rune bears earlier in the game I'd marked on the map and get my revenge! I can finally deal with them, its tough but with my halberd with fire ashes it is do-able. I also went back to Radhan's castle in Caelid and managed to beat the dual boss (warrior and Crucible Knight) that are there, by quickly dispatching the warrior and then using my hours of practice fighting previous Crucible Knights to beat this one solo, though it still took a good number of attempts. I also finally tried out the trapped chest in the south of Weeping Peninsula, and was very glad I hadn't done it earlier as it really would have spoiled the reveal of the area it takes you to.

 

Aside from spending runes on levelling up I've been upgrading more weapons and now have a good selection available at around level +15 for standard and level +5 or +6 for special weapons. My best damage ones are still the old faves of the Winged Scythe, the Tree Spear, the Uchigitana (with flame ashes), and the Halberd. But now I have a bunch of alternate weapons to choose from including a really cool Faith rune sword whose blade is made up of floating runes. I still haven't really been experimenting with Ashes at all, I only really slap on flame ashes but I will experiment more if I start to run into brick walls. One problem is that you can't use ashes on the Winged Scythe or Tree Spear because they are already Holy weapons.

 

I still feel like I'm under-levelled for Margit senior though, based on a few more attempts. He hits too hard and I don't do enough damage. Of course I could use the literally hundreds of consumable runes I now own to level up to about 100, but I prefer just levelling up from clearing enemies and killing bosses. So far it's working, the latest areas and bosses I've tackled can be very tough but not insurmountable, and I'm slowly levelling up. I still have some dungeons, Evergoals, open world bosses and Heros Graves to finish off so that's probably next on the agenda. I also did the first part of the Varre invasion quest (yes I got ganked every time), but question: can I get to the location it leads to by other means? If so, I'll probably go there the long way round.

 

Unfortunately I've now explored pretty much all the available overworld, at least to my knowledge, so the prospect of returning to just fight bosses and do dungeons isn't very appealing (not to mention the Capital sewers!). However this weekend I will sink some time in, or I'll end up leaving it for weeks again. Overall its been a good time and got me back into the game, Shaded Castle and exploring the Capital were good highlights.

 

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1 minute ago, KartoffelKopf said:

Oh my god, this area in the consecrated snowfield where you have to light the candles. 
 

 Completely invisible enemies? Yeah, OK Miyazaki mate, that’s completely fine. 
 

 

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I didn't learn about it til after, but there's an item that let's you see them.  Not essential to do what you need tho! 

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15 minutes ago, robdood said:

I didn't learn about it til after, but there's an item that let's you see them.  Not essential to do what you need tho! 


That’s par for the course for From though, why you’d think to use a random item you may or may not have picked up from a merchant halfway across the map about 30 hours ago.

 

I just looked it up after I did it and there’s also an Ash of War apparently that masks your footsteps but there’s just so much bloody stuff to go through you’ll never think to use that one. I love that there is room for variety of play styles but crikey, there is enough ashes, summons, weapons and items to fill 3 games. 
 

Thankfully From balanced out the bullshit in that area by keeping the torches lit even if you die. My last go was a mad dash across the rooftops to the last one.

 

Consecrated Snowfield was maybe the least fun area so far for me, redeemed only by the dropping of the Nights Cavalry set, in which I look the absolute dogs bollocks. 
 

On to Haligtree now. 

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1 hour ago, JPL said:

@Alan StockWhere and what is this ‘trapped chest’ you speak of? I thought I’d cleared Weeping Peninsula, but obviously not!

South of the minor erdtree.  Not far from the mausoleum. 

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Is it the one that's up a wee tower?

 

I've been stuck on the last boss(es) for a couple of days and it's starting to get frustrating so last night I thought I'd chill out a bit by mopping up some of the hero's graves. As much as I love this game, they are probably Miyazaki's biggest asshole move. Instakill memory tests with bullshit that you can't even anticipate until you've committed to an action. Watch the chariot, see where it turns, plan your run, get past the turning point, stop for a breather, oh no now it doesn't stop there anymore lol, it just carries on.

 

My favourite bit was getting to a complete dead end in one of them where there was no way to outrun the chariot through waist-deep lava and after a few failed attempts I checked a walkthrough and it turns out you have to ride the bloody thing. When experience has taught me repeatedly that touching any part of it even when it's stationary or moving away from me is certain death. Twat.

 

Anyway, it turned out not to be as relaxing as I'd thought.

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@Exidor whaaat how do you get on top of it?! I just used quickstep to turbo through the lava... It did feel like that wasn't the right way to do it, but I managed it! 

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3 minutes ago, robdood said:

@Exidor whaaat how do you get on top of it?! I just used quickstep to turbo through the lava... It did feel like that wasn't the right way to do it, but I managed it! 

 

Quickstepping through the lava is to get down the bottom. The chariot ride is to head up again to a new bit...

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@robdood If you accidentally fall down one of the floor gaps and get lucky then you land on a ledge that eventually takes you up above where it turns. I figured that bit out for myself, it was the "just drop on the thing that always kills you" that I needed help with.

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108 hours on the clock and the game just kept expanding and getting better/more interesting as I played last night. Astonishing depth and breadth - how the hell do they follow this up?

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