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Rate the last film you watched out of 5


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Star wars Episode 9- the rise of Skywalker.

 

Disney does a survey of 10 year olds about things they would like to see in a star wars movie. Disney then puts all of those things into a movie. I had to watch this in 2 sittings as I couldn't process  everything that was going on but I might be getting old. That's as much criticism of this as I'm doing , it's all been covered in detail to the nth degree before

 

Positive things- the opening sequence in the forest with Kylo looked interesting and could have been made more of , the dyad  thing where they fight is really well done , the battle between the waves is a excellent fight,at least on 1st viewing . Cast are fine, Oscar Isaac  and John Boyega are as decent as they can be , Adam driver outshines everyone else whenever he's asked to do anything of real substance and Daisy is fine .Richard E Grant just does a sober version of Withnail who's risen up the ranks of the 1st order.

 

So yeah, nah.

 

2/5

 

 

 

 

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Phantasm

 

I've never watched any of the Phantasm films until now. Going in I was aware of at least some of the things in it: the Tall Man, the flying metal ball with the spikes in it etc. Less so, the other stuff. Well, what an odd film. I couldn't really figure out what was going to happen next. It was like a strange dream. I think it turned a corner for me when they open that door to see what's in that room. I think that bumped it up a star for me.

 

4 out of 5

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Bad Trip - in short it's a feel good Borat film. I enjoyed it a lot, kind of wasn't sure about what was real but a surprising amount is. I'd love to see a special edition with all the failed takes.

 

5/5

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The Outsider (2014)

No, not based on the Albert Camus novel, far from it, this is Craig Fairbrass in a pretty limp revenge film where he's trying to get his daughter back or something. The Amazon Prime description mentions this being in a similar vein to Taken, but here's the lowdown: sod-all happens for about an hour, then some people get beaten up, two-thirds of the way in there's a huge dose of actual exposition followed by half an hour of a heist-style sting with that cheap, urgent music you get on films like this over the top. Did I mention James Caan is in this? I probably shouldn't have, but hey he got paid. If you thought Taken was a piece of garbage you really should take a look at this and think again. Give it its due, Taken is, for all its faults, a pretty good B-movie albeit one with shocking editing. This on the other hand is dull, uneventful and hardly worth anyone's time.

 

1/5

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On 30/03/2021 at 14:36, skondo said:

Orphan.

 

Fairly awful and predictable horror/thriller. Vera Farmiga has stillborn third child. Her and her husband decide to adopt from a local orphanage. Girl they adopt is sweet, sensitive, intelligent and creative, but doesn’t really play with the other children. What could go wrong? Utterly predictable apart from the twist, which I genuinely didn’t see coming until a big clue just before the reveal.

 

Acting is fine, but it’s very by the numbers and not shocking in the slightest, with a thoroughly uninteresting ending.

 

2 out of 5.


I went to the press screening of this back when I wrote for SFX, and have a very vivid memory of Mark Kermode loudly exclaiming “Oh fuck off!” when the twist was revealed. 

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Chaos Walking (2021)

Takes Patrick Ness' brilliant novel, The Knife of Never Letting Go, and utterly mangles it. Who the fuck thought it was a good idea to take out Manchee's noise - the most unforgivable of many significant and unnecessary changes - and add a sequence where Daisy Ridley (who cannot act) escapes on an electric space bike?

 

1/5

 

Spoilers for anyone who's read the book and doesn't care about spoiling the film:

Spoiler
  • Manchee has no noise. Literal WTF
  • Viola is introduced to the viewer via a sequence in which we see her crash-land before Todd has ever encountered her, and thus we know everything about her already
  • Todd isn't on the run from the town when he meets Viola and doesn't encounter her via a patch of silence in the swamp - she's just robbing his barn
  • The Spackle are dark grey generic CGI blobs
  • The men's noise is literally pictures for everyone to see, instead of being realised solely via audio. It's a constant CGI mess
  • No fight with Aaron at the waterfall. In fact there's no waterfall. Or Aaron being attacked by a croc. Or any crocs
  • Tom Holland is seemingly contractually obliged to do a Spider-man free-climbing sequence to re-attach an antennae on a crashed space ship

There's a ton more stuff I could list, but won't. I was expecting to be disappointed, but Christ on a bike, this was terrible.

 

 

 

 

 

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Here Awhile available on Amazon Prime. Anna Camp stars as terminally ill sister returning home to reconnect with her estranged brother before she ends her life though assisted dying. Apart from Anna Camp looking far too healthy to be dying of a terminal illness it's was an OK movie that just felt a little too slight for some of the emotional moments to work on me and I'll cry at anything at this point. 3/5.

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Chaos Walking - 1/5. 

 

Does the cardinal sin of being based on a good book but being utterly boring and bland throughout. Even Mads Mickelson couldn't save it. 

 

The trials and tribulations of the film production are far more interesting that the film itself. 

 

Raw Deal - 5/5. "Don't drink and bake" 

 

For that line alone and the cheesy fun it's the best film ever compared to Chaos Walking. (Normally I would give it a 3/5, one of Arnies lesser loved movies but its still good old fashioned 80s action fun, and hey... That ending is sweet,makes me cry. ) 

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On 03/04/2021 at 00:34, Spacehost said:

Wonder Woman 1984

 

As a superhero movie that revolves neither around the hero punching something nor collecting a glowing cube, this represents a profound shift in the art. Very entertaining, and a bit of an adventure movie. Very distinct from the first movie, and the better for it.

 

I watched this with the wife and we couldn't believe how bad it was. It was The Room levels of shit. As in, what were they thinking. It was hilarious. 10/10

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1 hour ago, Superunknown said:

Chaos Walking (2021)

Takes Patrick Ness' brilliant novel, The Knife of Never Letting Go, and utterly mangles it. Who the fuck thought it was a good idea to take out Manchee's noise - the most unforgivable of many significant and unnecessary changes - and add a sequence where Daisy Ridley (who cannot act) escapes on an electric space bike?

 

1/5

 

Spoilers for anyone who's read the book and doesn't care about spoiling the film:

  Hide contents
  • Manchee has no noise. Literal WTF
  • Viola is introduced to the viewer via a sequence in which we see her crash-land before Todd has ever encountered her, and thus we know everything about her already
  • Todd isn't on the run from the town when he meets Viola and doesn't encounter her via a patch of silence in the swamp - she's just robbing his barn
  • The Spackle are dark grey generic CGI blobs
  • The men's noise is literally pictures for everyone to see, instead of being realised solely via audio. It's a constant CGI mess
  • No fight with Aaron at the waterfall. In fact there's no waterfall. Or Aaron being attacked by a croc. Or any crocs
  • Tom Holland is seemingly contractually obliged to do a Spider-man free-climbing sequence to re-attach an antennae on a crashed space ship

There's a ton more stuff I could list, but won't. I was expecting to be disappointed, but Christ on a bike, this was terrible.

 

 

 

 

 

Just seen this after I wrote my opinion. 

 

It's an shambles of a movie. My other half who hasn't read the book instantly said after it ended "that's the worst film we have watched in 10 years" and we watch a ton of movies, good and bad. 

 

There is a lot in the book that would transfer to screen wonderfully but they just didn't care, and the strangest thing..... This cost £100 million. I don't know where that money went, I'm guessing the multiple writers, directors and behind the scenes shit that happened.

 

I'm all honesty, it possibly the worst big budget Sci fi film I have ever seen. And that includes Battlefield Earth. 

 

And yeah, Daisy Ridley needs to pick better roles. Maybe she's just a bad actress, can't say for sure. But she's pretty poor in everything I have seen her in. 

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Deadly Invasion: The Killer Bee Nightmare (1995)

The killer bee invasion has begun! This is a mildly amusing TV disaster movie about a new breed of killer bees that could possibly take over the United States at any moment. Most of the film is taken up with a family under siege in their nice little home in the country by bees. The bees swarm about, the people flap about, Ted Striker from the Airplane films is the dad, there's lots of fake tension and jump scares at point which, I assume were where the ad breaks were meant to go. Bonus marks for the decent-looking bee swarming, plus Bee Facts man who turns up and just starts reading out what would undoubtedly become the Wikipedia page for bees in the future, all whilst having his breakfast. Plus the mum in this is unfeasibly glamorous all the way through this. Not quite so bad it's good territory but you might get a kick out of the silliness.

 

1.5/5

 

 

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The Vikings - 5 By Odins Beards/5

 

Loved this film ever since I was a kid, and I will always watch it when I catch it on the telly.  That I still love anything Viking related to this day is a direct result of this classic, and I always  judge just how Viking a character is compared to Ernest Borgine.:wub:

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9 hours ago, Waggo said:

The Vikings - 5 By Odins Beards/5

 

Loved this film ever since I was a kid, and I will always watch it when I catch it on the telly.  That I still love anything Viking related to this day is a direct result of this classic, and I always  judge just how Viking a character is compared to Ernest Borgine.:wub:

It's a great film. I remember seeing it as a child and it totally made an impact on the young me. I was pleased to see it on yesterday and had only missed the first 20 mins. A proper classic that I still enjoy. 

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The Dry

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5144174/

Aaron Falk returns to his drought-stricken hometown to attend a tragic funeral. But his return opens a decades-old wound - the unsolved death of a teenage girl.

 

A decent Australian murder-mystery set in a small town in the middle of a drout. Eric Bana is a city cop called back to his hometown after a murder/suicide. It looks open and shut but when the family of the victims ask him to investigate he finds things are not what they seem.

 

This was a well-made, but slightly boring, thriller. The cast are good, it looks nice and the central mystery is solid but it's derailed by constant flashbacks that suck the energy out it. Based on the hit book from a few years ago.

 

Recommended for murder-mystery/thriller/Eric Bana fans.

 

3.5/5

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The Black Gloves - 3/5 (Prime)

 

This is an oddity, I think it was a film that got made as a Kickstarter or something. Anyway it’s a silly three-handed horror flick set in Scotland which is very low budget but looks better than it ought to, and has some very nice touches, even though the story isn’t up to much.


If you like rural horror it’s definitely worth a look, and probably much more enjoyable for genre fans than the casual viewer like me as it basically gives the Churchill the dog treatment to a host of horror staples.

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Superman: Red Son (2020)

 

Thought this was really poor. Maybe as a series it works better but as a 90mins film it was way too rushed, throws way too many different elements of DC into it that wasn't needed (Batman, Green Lanterns etc) and I thought the ending was proper unsatisfactory. Could have said and done way more in a geopolitical sense but just comes across as USA NUMBER ONE propaganda piece, like they have all the answers and get it right, but in reality we all know that's far from the truth.

Spoiler

Even the film shows this, but that gets quickly sidelined because Superman was being manipulated the whole time and apparently creating a utopia is bad and humans should make their own mistakes blah blah blah etc.

I saw the comic of this came out in 2003, a post 9/11 world, and it shows with its depiction of a big win for the good ole US of A.

 

2/5

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15 hours ago, Waggo said:

The Vikings - 5 By Odins Beards/5

 

Loved this film ever since I was a kid, and I will always watch it when I catch it on the telly.  That I still love anything Viking related to this day is a direct result of this classic, and I always  judge just how Viking a character is compared to Ernest Borgine.:wub:


Can’t read that without hearing the main theme, and someone chanting: “Odin, send dee wind to turn dee tide!”

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Mrs Lowry and son

 

Tim Spall extending his passion for playing painters a few counties too far north with a proper daft ‘Lancashire’ accent.

 

Minimal painting scenes, tedious, Timothy Lumsden-esque relationship with his mother, and all too theatrical delivery throughout make this as enticing a proposition as a week down pit.

 

1/5

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6 minutes ago, jonamok said:

Mrs Lowry and son

 

Tim Spall extending his passion for playing painters a few counties too far north with a proper daft ‘Lancashire’ accent.

 

Minimal painting scenes, tedious, Timothy Lumsden-esque relationship with his mother, and all too theatrical delivery throughout make this as enticing a proposition as a week down pit.

 

1/5

It took me three sittings. Like watching pai...

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Mid 90s. 

 

Watched this story about a young kid making friends with a group of older skaters to escape his crappy home life. 

 

Very good I thought. Tight, well directed and actually funny and tense. 

 

4.5/5

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Pusher - 4/5

Pusher 2 - 4/5

Pusher 3 - 4.5/5

 

Despite being a massive Nicolas Winding Refn fan, I somehow hadn’t seen these before. Thought they were great. And boy does it send the message that dealing drugs is a horrible business.

You can really see NWR learning his trade as the films progress. I thought 3 in particular was great. Could easily have imagined it being an episode of Too Old To Die Young.

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Nice, for some reason I only ever watched 1&2, I noticed they are all on one of the things I’ve got so will give them a rewatch.

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28 minutes ago, ZOK said:

Nice, for some reason I only ever watched 1&2, I noticed they are all on one of the things I’ve got so will give them a rewatch.

1 and 3 are on Prime. Was surprised to read reviews saying 3 was a bit of a disappointment as it’s brilliant. Definitely more in the vibe of his later work.

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Highlander

 

It was on BBC2 last night, nice to see the old films coming back. I haven't seen it since the VHS days so I was blown away by the HD versions visuals.

 

Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran out of Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran

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4 hours ago, Bazjam said:

1 and 3 are on Prime. Was surprised to read reviews saying 3 was a bit of a disappointment as it’s brilliant. Definitely more in the vibe of his later work.


I’ve also only seen the first two. Going to fix that now thanks to this

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Trying to get all the awards nominated films watched before the BAFTAs at the weekend.

 

Nomadland - 3/5

 

Bit of a disappointment this one. A very well put together film. But it doesn’t really go anywhere, and the characters were all pretty dull. Frances McDormand is as great as always though.

 

Minari - 4/5

 

This was great. Both moving and enjoyable. Top notch acting all around as well.

 

Another Round - 4.5/5

 

My favourite of all the awards front runners. A twisted love letter to alcohol which doesn’t shy away from all the pros and cons involved.

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5 hours ago, Bazjam said:

Pusher - 4/5

Pusher 2 - 4/5

Pusher 3 - 4.5/5

 

Despite being a massive Nicolas Winding Refn fan, I somehow hadn’t seen these before. Thought they were great. And boy does it send the message that dealing drugs is a horrible business.

You can really see NWR learning his trade as the films progress. I thought 3 in particular was great. Could easily have imagined it being an episode of Too Old To Die Young.

These sound excellent. I will be checking them out ASAP 

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