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Stop Making This Film


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57 minutes ago, Sabreman said:

I'd argue that the only failures are the people that made these films. If their intent was to make good ones 😉

 

On the flip side, they didn't fail to make money and that's all the house of mouse cares about really.

 

The best live action remake is still the 90s Glenn Close 101 Dalmations.

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7 hours ago, Yobo Ahoy said:

Disney's live action remakes of their animated classics. Soulless, boring, instantly forgettable and entirely pointless. 

Good point. I’ve watched Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast, Lion King, Dumbo and Lady and the Tramp. They’ve all been pointless and pale in comparison to the cartoon originals. Cruella was actually pretty decent, especially when compared to that lot.

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2 hours ago, Fierce Poodle said:

Good point. I’ve watched Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast, Lion King, Dumbo and Lady and the Tramp. They’ve all been pointless and pale in comparison to the cartoon originals. Cruella was actually pretty decent, especially when compared to that lot.

 

I genuinely couldn't watch the Lion King. 5 mins in and it was like "What's the point?" Less well-acted versions of exactly the same film?

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6 hours ago, Fierce Poodle said:

Good point. I’ve watched Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast, Lion King, Dumbo and Lady and the Tramp. They’ve all been pointless and pale in comparison to the cartoon originals. Cruella was actually pretty decent, especially when compared to that lot.

 

Controversial opinion but I don't think the original holds up very well anymore and I thought the live action was better.

 

*edit*

re Lady and the Tramp

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If you grew up with the originals then sure, why watch the remakes. 

But a kid today didn't see them and is more than happy to watch the remake. 

 

There are people alive today that have no idea the originals exist at all. 

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It just occurred to me this morning that black comedies about hitmen should absolutely never be attempted by anyone. You get the occasional decent film like In Bruges or Grosse Pointe Blank which seems to encourage people to keep trying, but for the most part, out of all the genres, this must be the one with the lowest chance of success. They all seem to have titles like "Killing Ian" or "The Big Murder", and usually have posters with the characters all stood in a line pulling faces, with the hitman character either holding his gun like James Bond, or hilariously doing something incongruous, like holding a sausage.

 

Special mention goes to UK-made black comedies about hitmen, which combine all the worst qualities of farcical comedies about criminals with the worst qualities of British films that try to copy US genres to create the worst type of film imaginable.

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11 hours ago, Sidewaysbob said:

If you grew up with the originals then sure, why watch the remakes. 

But a kid today didn't see them and is more than happy to watch the remake. 

 

While true, they'd also be more than happy to watch the original if the remake didn't exist, particularly with the 90s output like The Lion King and Beauty and the Beast.

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I think Phoenix Nights did a decent job of subverting some funny hitman tropes, but that was for like maybe 7 minutes at the absolute maximum, and wasn't a film in fairness.

 

I'd do away with all of those horror films that get advertised at you on E4 – ones with titles that are basically "The..." and then an increasingly tortured synonym for evil or haunted or spooktacular. To advertise it you just say it's the scariest American horror since the last one. A couple move into a house and then after some creepy happenings a big spider with the head of the missing grandpa eats their weirdo kid or something. Turns out the spider was in the background of all their family photos all along. I presume they must be incredibly cheap and easy to churn out as the quality suggests whoever makes these has a policy of simply filming whatever scripts they get sent without reading them first. 

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On 30/08/2021 at 11:07, Stigweard said:

 

On the flip side, they didn't fail to make money and that's all the house of mouse cares about really.

 

The best live action remake is still the 90s Glenn Close 101 Dalmations.


Pete’s Dragon is the top of the crop for Disney live action remakes. Not normally a Peter Pan fan, but will be interested to see what David Lowery does with it.

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A heavily promoted reboot of a successful 80s movie (or even better franchise), but this time its back & its hyped with all the original stars out doing the PR work, ads for it are everywhere the usual YouTube gurning faces are going mad with all the videos they can make about how great it is to have MOVIE_X back!!!

 

You all know the plot by now - When it starts the whole thing is a hollow retread of the original movies with its ageing stars in a backseat role in order to allow more screen time to their new son/daughter/protege to come along & make short work of things the originals struggled with. Bonus points if one of the originals dies in a heartfelt scene near the end in order to inspire the next generation.

 

Big Studio will think it will be a successful passing of the baton which will inspire a new series of franchise blockbusters, but in reality it does nothing more than sully the name of the original by prostituting out its last bit of relevancy. 

 

It probably even does good Box Office in first few weeks before word of mouth gets out & then it tails off. Critics think it's terrible & all but the most blinkered fans are disappointed in what they get.

 

Plans for a new series of sequels are quietly dropped. YouTube people get to make more coin on how did it all go wrong. The studio moves onto the next franchise to resurrect. 

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2 hours ago, JamesC said:

Prison films in which the prison is a special kind of high tech super prison and/or in space or in the middle of the ocean.

 

Delete this immediately.

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52 minutes ago, schmojo said:

 

Delete this immediately.

😆

Normal prison films are almost always good but these types of prison film almost always are not. 

I stand by it! 

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Surprise Hit's soulless sequel

 

a movie comes out that flies in the face of current trends, captures imaginations and makes bank and builds a fan base. Now a couple of years have passed it's time to make the sequel to milk that fan base, but it needs some tweaks....

 

1. shoehorn a big name actor of the day to take a leading a role, everybody loves them! who cares if they ham it up? 

2. Kids, we needs to pack the movie with kids, the first one didn't have any and that stifled toy sales, what were you thinking, were you trying to make a film or something?!?

 

(you may be able to tell from the above that i hated pacific rim 2 after loving the first one)

 

the soulless reboot, now with way better special effects to cover the piss poor rewritten kid friendly plot.  fuck you 12a rated robocop

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7 hours ago, Art Vandelay said:

 A couple move into a house and then after some creepy happenings a big spider with the head of the missing grandpa eats their weirdo kid or something. Turns out the spider was in the background of all their family photos all along. 

I genuinely would watch that movie. Sounds better than the last annabelle movie I saw. 

 

Stop making creepy doll films now that I've been reminded of annabelle.

 

Also, those ones where everything is set up like it's a slasher movie with unnecessary tension heightening camera work and audio stings before a cat jump out but then it turns out it's someone hiding in the walls or some real- world drivel. 

 

Bonus points when the "real" explanation doesn't in any way explain some of the things that have been included in the film, you're just meant to have forgotten you've seen those by then. 

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22 minutes ago, sir podger said:

the soulless reboot, now with way better special effects to cover the piss poor rewritten kid friendly plot.  fuck you 12a rated robocop

See also the remake/reboot/whatever you want to call it of Total Recall with Colin Farrell. Not that the original was a masterpiece but it’s Citizen Kane compared to this refried cat shit.

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52 minutes ago, Fierce Poodle said:

See also the remake/reboot/whatever you want to call it of Total Recall with Colin Farrell. Not that the original was a masterpiece but it’s Citizen Kane compared to this refried cat shit.

 

Ignoring your obvious slander of a masterpiece, my favourite thing about the remake was Arnie showing his utter contempt for it

 

"They tried to copy it, someone tried to do a remake of it, how stupid is that"

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1 hour ago, sir podger said:

 

the soulless reboot, now with way better special effects to cover the piss poor rewritten kid friendly plot.  fuck you 12a rated robocop

 

Conan the Destroyer.

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1 hour ago, Fierce Poodle said:

See also the remake/reboot/whatever you want to call it of Total Recall with Colin Farrell. Not that the original was a masterpiece but it’s Citizen Kane compared to this refried cat shit.

 

Aside from the fact that the original was a masterpiece, this also applies to the Robocop remake.

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