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"Should my husband spend less time playing video games?"


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23 minutes ago, Gabe said:

Or they could find something they both enjoy equally rather than forcing one of them to do something to please the other.

They've done that - writing to the guardian.

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18 hours ago, Isaac said:

 

I don't know, I dated a girl about a decade ago, we lasted about five weeks before I broke up with her because she wanted to talk through absolutely every film or TV show we watched, usually to ask me why a character was doing something or who they were again.

 

Couldn't handle it at all. What a nightmare.

 

Sure, but there's a difference between ditching someone after 5 weeks because you find it annoying and using it as justification to not spend time with your wife who you have children with. If you're that committed to someone it feels like a bit of a dick move to say you're justified spending every evening playing videogames cos she talks too much.

 

Agree that they probably shouldn't be looking at this totally through the lens of consuming media and should look at spending time together in other ways. But all the same, I don't think it's too much hardship to spend a night or two watching TV with your other half.

 

Personally I'd never watch something like, say, Succession with my partner because he talks during stuff as well and and a show like that demands concentration. So when we're together I'll suggest we watch a bit of fluff like an episode of a Marvel show or something where I'm not really fussed if bits of it get talked over. If the rest of the relationship is good enough it really shouldn't matter too much, it's pretty trivial in the grand scheme of things.

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I've found a load of retro games today that I forgot I had, so that's the entire bank holiday sorted. I could never be with anyone that was not okay with this sudden and extended delving into unearthed treasures.

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4 hours ago, TehStu said:

Find you a soul mate that tells you to stop vacuuming and play a game instead.

 

I've got one who tells me to vacuum my videogame collection.

 

Does that count?

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If I’m playing a game, or watching something on TV, my wife will sit right next to me watching a loud Thai reality show on her phone. I have to use headphones if it’s something I actually need to listen to. Or I just use subtitles.

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22 hours ago, Moz said:

In this case the bloke should limit himself to a night or two a week of me time and devote the other nights to family shared time, date night, getting out of the house etc.

 

That seems a bit extreme, doesn't it? You have one night a week to enjoy your hobby, the other time has to be doing whatever your wife wants. Doesn't seem like a fair balance. Might explain why I'm not married though. 

 

I don't think gaming specifically is the problem though, it's more that they seemingly don't want to spend any time together and to feel involved. It sounds like she just wants a bit of company though, so maybe playing a Switch on the sofa is a good solution. Maybe board games, assuming they aren't just for men as well. 

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Ultimately, I think about it like this: if hanging out with your partner isn't one of the things you look forward to doing after 'chores' then you're probably not really in the relationship any more. You shouldn't stay for the sake of kids, and you definitely shouldn't stay and hide away playing videogames in your man cave instead of facing up to the fact that you should probably call it a day but you find it too terrifying to bring up. 

 

Ahem. 

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21 minutes ago, Monkeyspill said:

If I’m playing a game, or watching something on TV, my wife will sit right next to me watching a loud Thai reality show on her phone. I have to use headphones if it’s something I actually need to listen to. Or I just use subtitles.


Is there a terrible situation that you don’t just put up with? :(

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4 hours ago, Radish said:

 

That seems a bit extreme, doesn't it? You have one night a week to enjoy your hobby, the other time has to be doing whatever your wife wants. Doesn't seem like a fair balance. Might explain why I'm not married though. 


Depends on your relationship, my wife would rather I did occasional massive sessions rather than playing every night. It’s the predictable nature of someone always doing something and not being engaged which is annoying. Ever been with someone glued to their phone 24/7? Same thing. 

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On 29/04/2022 at 11:45, Ste Pickford said:

Pretty sure the Guardian wouldn't be running that article if the husband was spending all his spare time reading books.


Is there any comparison? Books are silent and improving, games are noisy and degrade the human mind, body and soul.

 

Except for Wii Fit maybe.

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9 minutes ago, ZOK said:


Is there any comparison? Books are silent and improving, games are noisy and degrade the human mind, body and soul.

 

Except for Wii Fit maybe.

 

I've read plenty of degrading books, thank you very much.

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They both seem like dicks, but I think the wife seems like a bit more of a dick. There is a sense from her comments that she doesn’t think gaming is a worthy thing to do with your time, but somehow sticking a soap opera on and talking through it is a valuable use of time. Plus the inherent sexism of the “it’s a man thing” type comments. It seems like both of them want to do their own thing, but she’s annoyed that he won’t give up his thing to do hers with her. 
 

The 2am thing is bizarre as well. Why is it any of her business what time he goes to bed? The idea that staying up till 2 once is indicative of some sort of dangerous obsession sounds absolutely insane to me, I do that all the time. The guy clearly doesn’t like her much and refusing to use headphones makes him a total moron. They both need to grow up and talk about what they want from their relationship. 

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18 hours ago, robdood said:

Ultimately, I think about it like this: if hanging out with your partner isn't one of the things you look forward to doing after 'chores' then you're probably not really in the relationship any more. You shouldn't stay for the sake of kids, and you definitely shouldn't stay and hide away playing videogames in your man cave instead of facing up to the fact that you should probably call it a day but you find it too terrifying to bring up. 

 

Ahem. 

 

:lol:

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Just now, Oh Danny Boy said:


Nadine Dorris writes books FFS, there’s plenty of written brain rot out there. Not all books are War and Peace. 


What a fascinating contribution! :sherlock:

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1 hour ago, Broker said:

 The 2am thing is bizarre as well. Why is it any of her business what time he goes to bed? The idea that staying up till 2 once is indicative of some sort of dangerous obsession sounds absolutely insane to me, I do that all the time. The guy clearly doesn’t like her much and refusing to use headphones makes him a total moron. They both need to grow up and talk about what they want from their relationship. 


Some adults in a relationship would see their partner choosing to come to bed separately at 2AM rather than go to bed with them as an indicator that the partner doesn’t want to be in bed with them. Relationships often require indications from both partners that there is a desire for physical intimacy with the other, even if only on the surface. Signals indicating this is not the case can be problematic and/or symptomatic.

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Yeah, exactly. The games thing feels like a red herring. The issue is that he’s spending time doing something else, rather than with her - pretty much every night it seems. You dont have to be joined at the hip with your partner, but there has to be some indication that you actually want to spend time with them, rather then just getting the bare essentials out fo the way so you can get stuck into World of Dragons.  
 

As people have said, I reckon they’d both benefit from doing something that isn’t watching TV or playing games, but just going to bed together sounds like it would help, even if it’s only a couple of times a week. 

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I mean there’s loads of stuff in the article that doesn’t tally - he says he only ever stayed up till 2AM once and apologised, she says he won’t stop raiding to come to the table to eat dinner but he says he always cooks the dinner…so who knows what’s really happening.

 

If they both read the Guardian their brains are probably mush anyway. I voted for the kid to emancipate himself while he’s still got a chance of making it.

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On 29/04/2022 at 11:45, Ste Pickford said:

Pretty sure the Guardian wouldn't be running that article if the husband was spending all his spare time reading books.

 

“At the start he'd just go into our spare room for half an hour to read Complete Starter Guide to Whittling, and apart from the whistle he made that he went around tooting like Dale bloody Cooper, I put up with it. But that sort of reading was the gateway to Black Holes and Baby Universes and Other Essays, and now he's building a telescope in the garden instead of spending time with me.

 

Should he spend less time reading books? YOU BE THE JUDGE.”

 

On 29/04/2022 at 11:56, Benny said:

To be honest the url says it all though: "you be the judge". As if passing judgement is a worthy end goal in itself, in whichever ill informed way it's reached

 

Always gonna remind me of Schillinger from Oz:

 

Spoiler

 

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On 29/04/2022 at 11:45, Ste Pickford said:

Pretty sure the Guardian wouldn't be running that article if the husband was spending all his spare time reading books.

 

"My husband developed a SICK addiction to Feng Shui guides - and now our living room is RUINED"
"I confiscated the Haynes motoring manual from my partner but now we can't leave the house!"
"I Read Titus Andronicus And Now I Don't Know If My Family Can Be Trusted"

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“My husband bought a Marie Kondo book and threw out half my wardrobe!”

 

On 29/04/2022 at 13:39, Majora said:

I've been dating someone for a few months and they do tend to talk a lot when we're watching stuff together. It can be a bit annoying but at the end of the day they're your partner. It shouldn't be justification to not spend that kind of time with them.

 

I don't mind talking through telly I consider a bit rubbish, and it's probably healthy to watch a shite programme occasionally, but if you start reserving anything you care about for watching on your own...

 

I'm not exaggerating to say I'd consider having to watch soaps every day grounds for a breakup. Nothing against soap viewers, but it'd drain my spirits like a village-hall Tory fundraiser.

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