Van Helsing

[Tom*]

Nice comments The-Pop-Smokes-Dope!

I haven't seen VH but I love these threads on films I think will be shit because I am smug having saved myself from spending £6 seeing them. It kind of reassures my decision further.

If anyone's heard Adam & Joe on XFM, they do 'lazy reviews' where they review films they haven't seen, which is kind of what I did with this because I believe theres no way a film can turn out that good if the trailer really doesn't impress me.

[Belbo]

It was the most awful, enjoyable, brillant piece of wank-stained shit I've ever seen.

9/10

[The-G]

Even though the CG was shot to shit, the acting was poor, I still enjoyed it for the action movie it was. 7/10

[Harmunt]

Van Helsing. So, why was he 600+ years old. Left hand of god?? Eh, whats all that about.

You obviously fell asleep at the explanation scene.

[PopeSmokesDope]

You obviously fell asleep at the explanation scene.

Please remind me, It warmbled on about some left hand of god, but didnt really explain why that enabled him to be 600+ years old, or where he came from.

[FishyFish]

Was ok. Not brilliant, but a decent enough popcorn movie. It could've done with being half an hour shorter and I think it would've been better served if they'd concentrated on just one monster rather than trying to cram too much into it.

SFX were fine. Methinks some people here can be too picky

But what was with the greenish grey colour tint of the film? I half expected Agent Smith to appear!

My 10 year old son thought it was tops though.

Fishy

[kamrantaz]

They never did explain why he is 600 years old.

VH killed dracula before he could reveal why,

[PopeSmokesDope]

They never did explain why he is 600 years old.

VH killed dracula before he could reveal why,

It's a tad anoying.

So Dracula, does something really nasty and god sends some bloke to kill him. He suceeds and Dracula dies, but makes a pact with the devil to stay out of Hell, earning himself imortal life as the undead.

So What I wanted to know was

A: What the fuck did he do to get god to send some nipper after him

B: Why was Van helsing 600+ years old?

Its really fuckign shit/sloppy writing and bloody well anoying me!

[kamrantaz]

its called leaving it for the sequel to sort out ;

[DoctorK]

Isn't it because he's supposed to be an angel or something?

Anyway, saw it on Friday night and really enjoyed it in a "leave brain at door" action flick. It was a bit slow in places but the action sequences were fantastic and the CG was very well done, especially Mr Hyde.

[Despin]

Hey there.

He was an Angel.

He was Gabriel, the Left Hand of God. He spent 600 years on earth but also had dreams remember? "dreams of battles of immense force and power"

I wonder what they were...

Well that's my theory.

Despin out.

[PopeSmokesDope]

its called leaving it for the sequel to sort out ;

What monster could he go after though??

No Mummy, No Dracula, no Wolfman, No Frankenstein, No Mr Hyde.

That leaves the Yeti. I can't think of anything else for him to hunt.

Perhaps we could watch him drink Gin for 2 hours, it would certainly be more interesting than this film.

[DoctorK]

Hey there.

He was an Angel.

He was Gabriel, the Left Hand of God. He spent 600 years on earth but also had dreams remember? "dreams of battles of immense force and power"

I wonder what they were...

Well that's my theory.

Despin out.

Hooray, I was right.

Meh, ok I didn't work that out, my girlfriend did

[PopeSmokesDope]

Hey there.

He was an Angel.

He was Gabriel, the Left Hand of God. He spent 600 years on earth but also had dreams remember? "dreams of battles of immense force and power"

I wonder what they were...

Well that's my theory.

Despin out.

Thats the problem though, its your theory.

I don't mind films where they leave certain things open to you imagination (Stuff like kaizer whats his face in Usual Suspects)

But this is just stupid, they use Van Helsing as the Reason for Dracula, "suprising" us with the revelation that he killed him when he was human 600 years go, but comepletey fail to explain why he's still alive. A 600 year old human isnt normal. Its a huuuuuuge bloody plot hole.

[Despin]

Hey there.

"I don't mind films where they leave certain things open to you imagination (Stuff like kaizer whats his face in Usual Suspects)"

That's exactly what this did.

It told you enough to understand when watching the movie and if you have any knowledge of the bible (I don't) or have seen the movie the Prophecy like I did a lot of stuff slips into place when thinking about it afterwords.

Also remember originally Van Helsings name was Abraham. Sommers changed it to Gabriel for a reason.

EDIT... I just read Harry Knowles review of it.

He also said this.

"when you watch the film, and you see him doing impossible after impossible stunt. Well frankly, it’s because Gabriel kicks ass for the Lord! LITERALLY. This Van Helsing is the mighty left hand of God, smiting those that offend the eye of God. "

I think this is what he is and why he is.

As for new creatures. There is The Creature from the Black Lagoon. (It was in the original script but cut out.)

Besides. Sommers has said he isn't going to do a sequel.

Despin out.

[JohnC]

Thats the problem though, its your theory.

But this is just stupid, they use Van Helsing as the Reason for Dracula, "suprising" us with the revelation that he killed him when he was human 600 years go, but comepletey fail to explain why he's still alive. A 600 year old human isnt normal. Its a huuuuuuge bloody plot hole.

The theory fits. He is the left hand of God. His name is Gabriel. So why can't he be the angel Gabriel? And why insist that he is a normal human? He obviously isn't.

Anyway, they are copying X-Men.

SPOILERS

Van Helsing

Hugh Jackman plays a guy who becomes a werewolf at one point. He has dreams about the past and doesn't know who he is. May be sorted if there is a sequel.

X-Men

Hugh Jackman plays Wolverine, a wolf like guy. He has dreams about the past and doesn't know who he is. Sorted in the sequel.

[DirkCrisis]

I loved it and hated it at the same time if that's possible.

Everyone had an outrageous accent and Frankinstein's monster did at one point say "Who's the real monster?!". I wanted Dracula to say "I'm a Vampire! Blerrrr!" (Simpsons style).

Still better than the Punisher remaker. 2 machine guns out of 5

[Andy_Why]

Still better than the Punisher remaker. 2 machine guns out of 5

Stop it, damn you! Its good fun! [pedant]And its not a remake! The Dolph Lundgren version is a Dolph Lundgren Movie tm and bears little or no relation to the comic itself. This film is definitely more of an adaptation the comic. [/pedant]

Needed to get that out of my system. Regular service will resume shortly...

And I thought Van Helsing was good. Not brilliant but good.

[Limit point]

I wished they hadn't gone for the 12a rating and gone for a darker feel to the film , cheesy as hell but I should have expected that when you've got Dracula , a werewolf and Frankensteins monster in the same movie.

And I thought Mr Hyde's CGI was pretty poor and if they'd kept him as the small , stumpy angry little man that he is they could have used my mate in the role.

[Vemsie]

I wished they hadn't gone for the 12a rating and gone for a darker feel to the film

I guess they were afraid they couldn't make their 160 million dollar (!!) production budget (lets not even talk about marketing costs) back that way. A shame, beacuse the LotR films were pretty dark in places and made lots of money.

[Limit point]

I guess they were afraid they couldn't make their 160 million dollar (!!) production budget (lets not even talk about marketing costs) back that way. A shame, beacuse the LotR films were pretty dark in places and made lots of money.

Exactly what I was thinking - with the kiddies onboard they've got a bigger market for both the film and its merchandise.

Shame as , like you said , LotR didn't appear to be compromised and most (if not all) of the fight scenes were pretty grim.

I don't know why but it reminded me of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and in my book that's a bad thing.

6/10

[Fry Crayola]

It was enjoyable enough, and there was nothing wrong with the CG for most part. But it was a 1h30min flick stretched into two hours, and it showed.

Also, Dracula wasn't suave enough for me. He's supposed to be the most evil thing on Earth, but here he just seemed like an angry bloke straight from a more recent James Bond film. He should have been composed throughout, thoroughly in control, never angry but always commanding. That's how I'd envisage Count Dracula. It would make him memorable.

[Despin]

Hey there.

"I guess they were afraid they couldn't make their 160 million dollar (!!) production budget (lets not even talk about marketing costs) back that way. A shame, beacuse the LotR films were pretty dark in places and made lots of money. "

I wonder what James Cameron will do. Word is his new flick has been Greenlit at 300 MILLION DOLLARS.

Despin out.

[Vemsie]

Hey there.

I wonder what James Cameron will do. Word is his new flick has been Greenlit at 300 MILLION DOLLARS.

Despin out.

Battle Angle Alita, isn't it? Moriarty had something to say about it:

"Cameron used the evening to speak a bit about his next film, assuring the audience that it will be a mega-budget SF film, also talking about how it’s going to be shot in 3D, using the same process he’s been testing the last few years on projects like GHOSTS OF THE ABYSS.

And, yeah, I blew it. I should have asked him to comment on the many reports I’ve had that his new film will be based on the popular manga series BATTLE ANGEL ALITA, but I didn’t. Like I said, I basically swallowed my tongue when he was standing there, and he walked away before I recovered my composure. Instead, I asked another attendee at the awards about it, since they were in a good position to know what’s up, and they agreed to speak to me as long as I didn’t identify them. “It’s definitely ALITA,” they said, “and he’s already deep into pre-production on it. The tech tests so far are amazing, and you would not believe the scale of his art department. They’ve been working for almost six months at this point, and their work is just beautiful. As far as Alita’s concerned, she’s going to be the culmination of all of Cameron’s ambitions on projects like AVATAR. Trust me... if Gollum pushed the envelope, Alita is going to shred it.” Hyperbole aside, I’m dying for Cameron to make his official announcement, and 2006 (his proposed release date) can’t get here fast enough."

Whatvere happens, I have way more trust in Cameron than I have in Sommers.

[ScouserInExile]

I have a soft spot for that film as it was quite close to the comic and had some nice lines. The Lundgren version that is.

I still talk to God sometimes, I ask him if what I'm doing is right or wrong, I'm still waiting for an answer, and until I get one, I'll be waiting, watching, THE GUILTY WILL BE PUNISHED!

Isn't the actualy quote:

Come on God. Answer me. For years I've been asking you "Why? Why are the innocent dead and the guilty alive? Where is justice? Where is punishment?" Or have you already said to the world: "here is justice, here is punishment. Here. In me"?

[Despin]

Hey there.

Imagine a James Cameron film where he has 300 million dollars to spend and a hard on to out do what these Pesky Star Wars, Matrix and LOTR's movies have been doing.

It's going to be insane... And in 3d.

Peter Jackson loved the new camera so much he was gonna shoot King Kong with them...

Guess we will have to wait a little longe rto see him go 3d.

Despin out.

[Aardvark]

Dear God VH was bad, the gadgets were depressingly umimaginative, the plot was rubbish (and you could work out two possible endings when you see the painting, and it doesn't take long to narrow that down to one), the whole Gabriel thing was about as subtle as having a load of bricks dumped on you, and I wish I'd stayed in and played some Castlevania.

[Vemsie]

Isn't the actualy quote:

Come on God. Answer me. For years I've been asking you "Why? Why are the innocent dead and the guilty alive? Where is justice? Where is punishment?" Or have you already said to the world: "here is justice, here is punishment. Here. In me"?

It could be. Whatever it is, I like it. But I believe my quote is the one that ends the movie. After which that cool theme kicks in. Aces.

[Vemsie]

Hey there.

Imagine a James Cameron film where he has 300 million dollars to spend and a hard on to out do what these Pesky Star Wars, Matrix and LOTR's movies have been doing.

It's going to be insane... And in 3d.

Peter Jackson loved the new camera so much he was gonna shoot King Kong with them...

Guess we will have to wait a little longe rto see him go 3d.

Despin out.

Oh yes. I can't wait to see what James will do with that much money and new technology. When it comes to big budget spectacle, no American director can touch him I think.

[Sprite Machine]

So is it anything like either of The Mummy films? I liked those.