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Van Helsing


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Van Helsing does exactly what it sets out to do and it does it very well indeed.  It's MEANT to be daft; criticisms of impossible stuff happening are simply redundant.

I didn't have a problem with the impossible stuff happening, because 1) as you said, it's an action movie, 2) it's about vampires and werewolves, for God's sake.

What I had a problem with was just the general not-very-goodness of it. For example, in the rope-swinging/phial-catching scene mentioned previously, it's not the catching that made me cringe - it's the 'serious' face she pulls after she does it.

For what it's worth, I was prepared for a brainless action-fest. That's what I wanted. But I wanted a good brainless action-fest. And unfortunately, this wasn't it.

Kate was hot though. Anyone who says otherwise is a moron.

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What I had a problem with was just the general not-very-goodness of it. For example, in the rope-swinging/phial-catching scene mentioned previously, it's not the catching that made me cringe - it's the 'serious' face she pulls after she does it.

I took that to be tongue-in-cheek.

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I watched this yesterday. It had moments where I thought it could have been very good for what it was, but they were cancelled out by all the shit bits. And Dracula was awful. Was he supposed to be like that? I couldn't quite work out if he was meant to be menacing or mincing, and I felt he should have been one or the other.

But it was more entertaining that Troy.

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  • 3 months later...

I see this is due for DVD release on 11/10/04 and seeing as I watched Van Helsing for the first time tonight can I just remind possible buyers that the film is crap. This was a film I have looked forward to for some time and I was severely disappointed.

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The type of film you want to go and see if you've had a hard week at work and don't want to concentrate too much.

In that instance you would be much better of viewing Sommers earlier film 'The Mummy'. The Mummy sequel and Van Helsing suffered from cgi overload.

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In that instance you would be much better of viewing Sommers earlier film 'The Mummy'. The Mummy sequel and Van Helsing suffered from cgi overload.

Agreed - the first Mummy was a great fun movie; better than VH. Hated the second Mummy because of the lazy rehashing of scenes from the first one.

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It was more promising on paper, but it was still entertaining. The type of film you want to go and see if you've had a hard week at work and don't want to concentrate too much.

christ, my ideal movie after a hard week at work is something like "funny games" or "irreversible".. makes you realise you've got fuck all to whine about.

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  • 1 month later...

Surely you're all missing the point of Underworld, which is as a vehicle for a certain lovely, shiny bottom?

Van Helsing was dreadful. It starts quite promisingly tongue-in-cheek, but goes downhill after the first ten minutes when you realise you're supposed to be taking it more seriously than you expected.

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Van Helsing was dreadful. It starts quite promisingly tongue-in-cheek, but goes downhill after the first ten minutes when you realise you're supposed to be taking it more seriously than you expected.

I got the impression that you wasn't supposed to take any of it seriously. It waas pretty much constant action or tongue in cheek. Which is why I enjoyed it so much.

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  • 2 years later...

(I realise I'm replying to something from 2004 but what the hey)

Kate Beckinsale's arse does not a good movie make and the sooner the movie industry realises that, the better.

It would do if they got rid of the bad parts of the film and just had it as a movie about her arse. I was having a conversation with someone about that earlier in the week and about how it's shocking how bad Underworld is considering it had Bill Nighy, vampires, werewolves and Kate Beckinsale, which on paper should make it the best film ever. Click, on the other hand, terrible though it was, was made mildly bearable by featuring Ms Beckinsale and her arse.

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Nice idea made absolute shit. Dracula looked like a slightly pissed celebrity hairdresser. About the only good thing was Frankenstein's monster.

Underworld Evolution had a lot more of her arse in tight black pants, which elevated the film to far higher heights than it had any right to reach.

/ adds to rental queue

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