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The worst reviews of all time

Alex W.

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Alex W.

Alex W.

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When it comes to reviews, there are two very common, yet wrong and strangely accepted ways of doing things. By saying this, I fault no one specifically-especially since only some people use them, yet the truth is that these two methods of reviewing are dishonest and mislead readers. Sometimes they are done without the writer's conscious knowledge, and sometimes they are deliberate. I can only hope that I will not be doing either of the two. The first, is the 'cool' status received from giving a game a much lower score than it reasonably deserves, which is always against what 'most' people give it. Such reviews often have phrases such as, ''it's just not as good as it could be'', or, ''it could not live up to the type'', and, ''I didn't think it was as good as they say.'' Of course, I'm not referring for the title of the review, but the actual phrases used in justifying the lower score. People praise themselves for going against the majority, since this supposedly makes them less blind and corrupt. The other shabby review scheme is at the opposite-it's what I call the 9/10 fallacy. Many people, who either spend too much money on a game (usually from collecting), have a rare game, or look at the game's worth as necessarily being the sum of its parts, (as mentioned above) often give the game a nine out of ten. This score guarantees the game 'classic' status, while still taking in some consideration for its faults. Needless to say, the game receiving such score is undeserving of it-and only usually obtains the score because of its price/rarity, and not its actual qualities. People do not want to spend hundreds of dollars on something which is not worthy, and boost the score.

I mean, FFS.

How it should be done. B)

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Xevious

Xevious

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How it should be done.

First paragraph, fifth line - should be "and" not "an".

Second paragraph, second line - should have a "was" after "which", and

fourth line - should have a semi-colon after "once" instead of a comma

But structure-wise, yes. But I wouldn't have had the bit at the front, if I'd been writing it.

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Alex W.

Alex W.

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It was written in ten minutes, and I'd honestly assumed the editor would remove the bit at the front. :lol:

Apparently it was exactly the quick C&P job before it went off to the printers which I expected. Oh well.

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tsunami1

tsunami1

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Someone else mention the mag Amiga Action, it made me remember one hideously bad review where they had obviously been paid a sum of cash to fix the review. It was for Jaguar XJ220 (for anyone that doesnt remember an average driving game that aspired to be Lotus Challange) on the Amiga (obviously), the review was complete garbage for the most part, proclaiming it the best game ever to be created and awarding it 98%. Never bought it again after that review.

Im sure there are far worse examples but like i say it being mentioned just reminded me of that one in particular.

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Alex W.

Alex W.

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should have a semi-colon after "once" instead of a comma

:lol: No, it's meant to be like that. Rapid-fire list of cliched 8-bit game descriptors. Can see what you're getting at, though. Should probably have done a rewrite before sending it off.

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angel

angel

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Someone else mention the mag Amiga Action, it made me remember one hideously bad review where they had obviously been paid a sum of cash to fix the review. It was for Jaguar XJ220 (for anyone that doesnt remember an average driving game that aspired to be Lotus Challange) on the Amiga (obviously), the review was complete garbage for the most part, proclaiming it the best game ever to be created and awarding it 98%. Never bought it again after that review.

Im sure there are far worse examples but like i say it being mentioned just reminded me of that one in particular.

Everything Team 17 did got around 95%. There was no critique in the mag ever unless the game was obscure and german by someone who would never advertise with them. Saying that, last months OXBM just gave every game except one 80 odd percent, including some right duffers.

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danryu

danryu

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Broken Sword 3: 9/10

Timesplitters 2: 9/10

The worst 80 quid I've ever spent thanks to Edge.

Sure Timesplitters 2 is really a 7/10.. the co-op missions and the multipayer were a lot of fun back in the day.

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DC Lemon

DC Lemon

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Hey! Fuck you buddy!

I would show pictures of us together, but she hates me posting personal stuff online. Ne'ermind.

I know, it's the same when you want to send off the same photos to lads mags to make some easy money. Women: what is your problem? Pfft.

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Qazimod

Qazimod

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I'm the worst reviewer of all time. I'm part of the small team at Kilobyte Magzine, a mag focusing on retro machines, and I am the reviews editor, contributing a load of Commodore 64 reviews. Some think I'm critical, I think I'm honest.

Some choice scores: EDIT damnation I just remembered I lost my copies when I formatted the HD. I could ask the editor for some, but from the top of my head...EDIT the editor's just emerged online so I should get some more scores...

Each issue, according to the editor, must have one 90-100% review (his choice, not mine) Here are some examples of "classic" games that haven't scored in that range:

Paperboy

Rainbow Islands

Monty Mole

Dizzy

And the ones that have?

Ikari Warriors

Turrican 2

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Wiper

Wiper

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I'm the worst reviewer of all time. I'm part of the small team at Kilobyte Magzine, a mag focusing on retro machines, and I am the reviews editor, contributing a load of Commodore 64 reviews. Some think I'm critical, I think I'm honest.

Some choice scores: EDIT damnation I just remembered I lost my copies when I formatted the HD. I could ask the editor for some, but from the top of my head...

Each issue, according to the editor, must have one 90-100% review (his choice, not mine) Here are some examples of "classic" games that haven't scored in that range:

Paperboy

Rainbow Islands

Monty Mole

Dizzy

And the ones that have?

Ikari Warriors

Turrican 2

Big "yes" for Turrican, and a massive "why?" for Rainbow Islands.

But being a lazy bast I can't actually be arsed to read the reviews, so can't comment on the quality of the writing [not that it's my place to anyway]

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Nosh

Nosh

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My Perfect Dark review. First review on the job and only had 2 days to play the game and write the review. It sucked and so did the score I gave it back then. :lol:

Don't forget that awful Harvest moon review :o

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Qazimod

Qazimod

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Big "yes" for Turrican, and a massive "why?" for Rainbow Islands.

But being a lazy bast I can't actually be arsed to read the reviews, so can't comment on the quality of the writing [not that it's my place to anyway]

Okay... here are some scores:

Bruce Lee - 71%

Double Dragon - 13%

IK+ - 72%

Ikari Warriors - 90%

Monty Mole - 70%

NARC - 75%

Paperboy - 71%

Paradroid - 69%

Shadow of the Beast - 58%

Street Fighter II - 58%

Target Renegade - 75%

Turbo Outrun - 86%

Turrican II - 95%

Way of the Tiger - 56%

Wizball - 67%

...maybe my scores aren't too bad.

Rainbow Islands? Well, I've lost the review of it (maybe I just imagined I reviewed it), but I didn't think it was very innovative, and the way that you keep falling down to the start can frustrate. It's still good (and at least now I have a chance to write a more positive review)

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Sephiroth

Sephiroth

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Didn't NEG get his arse handed to him by the forumites for this sort of thread a couple of months back? It's a reader review for gods sake, at least he manages complete sentences and reasonable grammar.

Edit: Although that Manhunt review by Games TM was a fucking shambles.

What happend to NEG?

..was he banned? ;)

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Alex W.

Alex W.

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Speaking of NEG, he just posted this exact same review/thread over on Mr Biffo's forum...

He was the one who showed it to me. He doesn't think the review's too bad, but it gave me such a strong reaction that I simply had to post it here.

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