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The worst reviews of all time

Alex W.

By Alex W.
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SomeNaiveChump

SomeNaiveChump

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Also, I figured out why there's no custom map play in iLink mode- you'd need to have copies of the map on each PS2, probably on the memory cards to save rewriting the whole custom map code thingie, and for some reason they considered iLink play too much of an obscure feature to mess about finishing that aspect of. Grammatically horrible, that sentence, excuse me.

but on xbox linkup mode it was inexcusable. especially given the horrendous nature of the default maps.

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Alex W.

Alex W.

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but on xbox linkup mode it was inexcusable. especially given the horrendous nature of the default maps.

Horrendous? Weren't nearly that bad, although I feel for your lack of "square room with rocket launchers" simplicity (geometric symmetrical maps for CTF and Deathmatch were the best reasons to use Mapmaker maps). It's something they really should've finished off in retrospect, but hardly game-ruining. A bit more horrible than Halo's lack of system-link cooperative, a bit less horrible than the average unpatched PC title.

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SomeNaiveChump

SomeNaiveChump

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Horrendous? Weren't nearly that bad, although I feel for your lack of "square room with rocket launchers" simplicity (geometric symmetrical maps for CTF and Deathmatch were the best reasons to use Mapmaker maps). It's something they really should've finished off in retrospect, but hardly game-ruining. A bit more horrible than Halo's lack of system-link cooperative, a bit less horrible than the average unpatched PC title.

no, the game itself is game-ruining. I was just being on-topic. linkup custom map games might just have been game-saving though...

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Alex W.

Alex W.

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Well, I enjoyed the madness, and I don't think that suddenly being able to use custom maps in link-up games as well as custom maps in split-screen games would have particularly affected the quality in some huge way.

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Capp

Capp

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There was a case a fair few years back when a publisher who shall remain nameless paid for the production of the print runs on two magazines for a month in order to secure good scores for its game, which shall remain nameless. Needless to say 90%+ scores were awarded. If they don't count as dodgy reviews I don't know what does.

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Alex W.

Alex W.

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Name names, FFS, or we're going to start guessing and it'll totally derail the thread. PM me with the company, game, and publications, and I'll tell everyone and then laugh at you for your naivety never tell a soul, honest.

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ianinthefuture

ianinthefuture

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I bought that fucking pile of shite on the strength of a good review. I think it was by PSX Power or something. I was about 10, but I was still pissed off enough to take it back the day after. Not even childish naivety could let that piece of utter wank off.

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kerraig UK

kerraig UK

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Sorry, it should've been the :D smilie, it was just an unexpected response from you. You make a good point though, but perhaps Edge, like so myself and many other reviewers, didn't play the game as intensively as you did or simply didn't consider the faults noteworthy? Leaving out teamplay in certain multiplayer modes is hardly a greivous design error, and I can imagine that it was done for some sort of reason. Care to elaborate on the modes they left teamplay out of, and what the character-select bug involves?

Also, I figured out why there's no custom map play in iLink mode- you'd need to have copies of the map on each PS2, probably on the memory cards to save rewriting the whole custom map code thingie, and for some reason they considered iLink play too much of an obscure feature to mess about finishing that aspect of. Grammatically horrible, that sentence, excuse me.

I was actually only joking with the I win thing. I'll use smileys in future. Although I loathe to do so.

Also, i'm afraid it was a cuppla years ago now so I cant remember the exact details of the bug. I simply remember working hard to unlock a certain game mode, then going to play it in teams but the option wasnt available. I also remember text being half written off the screen when multi linked. And some sort of crash bug if one machine went to start the game before the other machine was ready or summink.

These are all things which should prevent a game getting a nine. But they are especially pertinent in this case as TS2 was primarily a multiplayer experience. Surely the single player is worth no more than a 5.

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Sekiro

Sekiro

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I cant think of any of the top of my head - but I have always wondered if the person doing the reveiw can forget all bais ect

I could never do an honest Treasure game review for example! It will be interesting to see what parts of Halo 2 and Half Life 2 are concentrated on in reviews over a selection of different mags and sites when they finally come out.

How about the Metal Gear Solid 2 reveiws - they seemed to be all over the place depending on how popular or hated Raiden was?

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phastie

phastie

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:)

Hmm... is it the mention of 'Kaze No Takuto' in every bloody paragraph that does it? :(

That and everything else... particulary the paragraph relating the game's real-time lighting to Japan's cultural development from a time when its people didn't have much light. :D

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David Kenny

David Kenny

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I seriously HATE this review. ;)

Sometimes I lie awake at night just thinking about how much it annoys me.

Oh god, why did I read that. I knew it would be bad but really, that's just not funny.

With its didactic fantasies and alternative realities, Zelda is sometimes more like C.S Lewis and Lewis Carroll than anything else.

How the hell can a fantasy be 'didactic'?

That's another thing that annoys me in internet reviews. When the author tries to prove how smart they are by using words which they clearly do not understand.

In fact there are a couple of people on here who suffer from the same condition.

But I'm not saying who :rolleyes:

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jiroczech

jiroczech

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Go play both vesions then. The Xbox one is truly shocking... Worst bit of software I ahve yet encountered. Not game design, there's nothing wrong with the game but it runs as smoothlyas a a triple bladed razor over goosebumped skin.

And the crashes... OH LORD THE CRASHES!

Sidetracking.. but I have a deep loathing for XBox Morrowind. Rankest piece of skanky software ever. Any review that scored it more than 2 out 10 is a bad review in my opinion.

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The Liberal Elite

The Liberal Elite

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Oh god, why did I read that. I knew it would be bad but really, that's just not funny.

How the hell can a fantasy be 'didactic'?

That's another thing that annoys me in internet reviews. When the author tries to prove how smart they are by using words which they clearly do not understand.

In fact there are a couple of people on here who suffer from the same condition.

But I'm not saying who  :rolleyes:

tgLarge.gif

hey everyone - it's my one joke evar!!!

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Alex W.

Alex W.

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These are all things which should prevent a game getting a nine. But they are especially pertinent in this case as TS2 was primarily a multiplayer experience. Surely the single player is worth no more than a 5.

It sounds like that version was horribly mangled. FWIW, I've only played the PS2 version, and I think that was the one Edge reviewed which makes me think that the XBox version was somewhat rushed and crap.

Singleplayer... assuming you mean Story mode (because Challenge mode would've been impossible to get too badly wrong, unless they screwed up the balancing, I've not actually played it) yeah, probably a 5, neither TimeSplitters' pleasingly frenetic and simple structure or anything too innovative as a scripted FPS. Pretty bland on the whole.

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Cacophanus

Cacophanus

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These are all things which should prevent a game getting a nine. But they are especially pertinent in this case as TS2 was primarily a multiplayer experience. Surely the single player is worth no more than a 5.

Very true, but many overlook subpar/fucked up singleplayer player when judging console FPS games...

<_<

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ianinthefuture

ianinthefuture

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I bought that fucking pile of shite on the strength of a good review. I think it was by PSX Power or something. I was about 10, but I was still pissed off enough to take it back the day after. Not even childish naivety could let that piece of utter wank off.

Or maybe PSX Pro. Yes, I think PSX Pro gave it something stupidly high. Fuckers. I was a kid! An innocent kid! They ruined me!*

*this may be an exaggeration..

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